2nd Annual FantasySharks

All-Freaky Name Team

You’ve had a whole year to untangle your tongue.  The off-season surgery is months behind you and the rehab has been going well.  Now it’s time to put the tongue to the test.  We’re back with the second installment of the most challenging article you’ll read (outside of Doug Coutts’ Thinking Out Loud series).

The second annual FantasySharks All-Freaky Name Team promises a little of the old, a lot of the new, and all of the vowelly-challenged players that make this sport great.  You just know that all of these guys are football players today because they had to be huge growing up in order to defend themselves from all the teasing they got in Junior High!

So warm up that tongue (unless you work in an open office environment) and let’s get to it.  I give you the 2003 All-Freaky Name Team!!!…

Offense

QB – Oakland – Marques Tuiasosopo  (Mark-ees Too-ee-ah-so-so-po)

                                    # of years All-Freaky Name:  2

Marques could have a stronghold on this position.  The only person to challenge him this year was Josh Booty.  And while it may be a lot of fun to say… can you just hear the Offensive Coordinator asking the QB Coach, “Hey, what play did Booty call?” it’s just not that freaky.  Tuiasosopo is fun to read, write and say and it’s as freaky as any you’ll see here.

RB – Pittsburgh – Obafemi Ayanbadejo  (Oh-bah-feh-me Eye-yen-bah-day-ho)

                                    # of years All-Freaky Name:  1

You might be asking how a guy with a name like this could not have been on last year’s team.  I’ll tell you what…the talent at the RB/FB position is deep.  Last year, Ayanbadejo lost a close battle to Chris Fuamatu-Ma’afala.  He wins a spot this year despite the absence of any punctuation in his name.  I believe portions of his last name are actually curse words in some languages.

WR – Cincinnati – T.J. Houshmandzadeh (Tee Jay Hoosh-mahn-ZAH-duh)

                                    # of years All-Freaky Name:  2

His first name is Touraj (TOO-raj) but that was too long and difficult to pronounce so they shortened it to T.J.

TE – St. Louis – Brandon Manumaleuna (Bran-don Man-oo-mah-loo-na)

                                    # of years All-Freaky Name:  2

            He’s been All-Freaky Name every year that he’s been in the league.  There’s very little competition at the TE position unless you include guys with girls’ names (Shannon).  Brandon would win anyway with that roller coaster name of his.

OL – Pittsburgh - Chukky Okobi (Chuck-key Oh-Koh-bee)

                                    # of years All-Freaky Name:  1

          This is a new category on the team this year.  This guys name sounds like a bad movie sequel that takes place in a Japanese restaurant in Ireland…very freaky.

Special Teams

P – Dallas – Filip Filipovic (Fee-leep Fee-lee-poh-vik)

                                    # of years All-Freaky Name:  1

          If there’s one thing you can say about punters, it’s that they have some of the funnest names to say!  When I say this name, I can’t help but think of the old sitcom Three’s Company…

K – Jacksonville – Hayden Epstein (Hay-den Ep-steen)

                                    # of years All-Freaky Name:  2

            Speaking of old sitcoms… Hey Coach, I didn’t memorize the playbook, but I got a note from my mother getting me out of practice….

Defense

While many fantasy leagues don’t make use of individual defensive players, especially Linemen, the over-abundance of material in this area made it impossible to ignore.

DT – Baltimore – Maake Kemoeatu (Mah-ay-kee Kee-mo-ay-too)

                                    # of years All-Freaky Name:  2

            Make up your own pronunciation here.  I’ve been lost ever since I found out there is no apostrophe in his name.  Somehow it seems even freakier without it…

DE – Philadelphia – Ndukwe Kalu  (En-duke-way Kah-loo)

                                    # of years All-Freaky Name:  1

            His last name means “God of Thunder” in the Ibo language, but his first name has more punch in this game.  Ndukwe won a heavyweight battle with last year’s winner Adewale Ogunleye for a spot on this year’s team.  I told you the talent was deep on Ndefense…

LB – New England – Maugaula Tuitele (Maw-gaw-lah Too-tweel)

                                    # of years All-Freaky Name:  1

            Maugaula wins another heavyweight bout at the LB position.  Not only did he beat last year’s winner and team captain, Dat Nguyen, he also beat a guy whose brother is on this team; Brendon Ayanbadejo, a guy whose name represents two of my favorite things in this world; Tedy Bruschi, and another guy with two tv shows as his name; Quincy Monk!!

DB – Washington – Ifeanyi Ohalete  (What??!!)

                                    # of years All-Freaky Name:  1

            What can I say here?  I just feel bad for the announcers on this one.  His name sounds like a guy who starts quoting Psycho (Francis) from Stripes and then quits because he’s too hungry…

Team Captain - Green Bay – Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila  (Kah-beer G-bah-jah-Bee-ah-mee-lah)

                                    # of years All-Freaky Name:  2

            As I said in last years article, everyone else is playing for 2^nd place.  I’ve removed the position indicator from his Title Line this year because it’s not fair to any of the other Defensive Ends.  He will simply be the Team Captain.  Kabeer, whose full name is Muhammed-Kabeer Olarewaju Gbaja-Biamili, will always hold a special place on this team.  Not only is his name impressive; it means ‘Big Man Come and Save Me’, Kabeer is one incredibly impressive person.  If you have a few minutes and want to be humbled, go read his full bio on the Packers web site.

Well there you have it, the Second Annual FantasySharks All-Freaky Name Team is in the books.  Once again, there were many deserving players who didn’t quite make the team while others are starting to make a run at a dynasty.  Will they continue their success next year? Or will they get toppled by some young buck with 4 or 5 punctuation marks in his name.  Tune in next year to find out…