Characters in Your Fantasy Football League Aug 8, 2008 | More

If you are the kind of fantasy football owner who has been preparing for months, you may be bored to death waiting for an eternity while your fellow league members brood over their next pick.   Don’t let that sharp fantasy football mind go to waste!   Instead, use that time to spot these ten “animated” characters in your league (representative quotes for each character are provided to assist you in your analysis):

1.   Ralph Wiggum - Whether he drafts multiple kickers or uses his first rounder to pick up the “other” Adrian Peterson, this guy is always good for an unintentional chuckle.   He is one owner you don’t need to think about until the end of the season, when you’ll pray that he’ll play spoiler against your strongest opponents.   

“Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!”

2.   Lisa Simpson – This brainiac knows his stuff.   He can regurgitate obscure statistics from seasons past effortlessly and can predict a breakout season with striking accuracy.   You had better hope this guy gets distracted (maybe with a Malibu Stacy doll?) and loses interest before the playoffs start.

“It doesn't take a genius to realize that Houston's failed to cover their last ten outings on away turf the week after scoring more than three touchdowns in a conference game.”

3.   Seymour Skinner – Because this control freak craves order and structure, he is likely the chump who volunteered to be the commissioner of your league.   Don’t expect a whole lot of flexibility or alternative interpretations of ambiguous rules.   This tight-ass will NOT let you screw around with his league!  

“Button down those cowlicks! Straighten that part! Uncross those eyes, mister!”

4.   Charles Montgomery Burns – Whether it’s conspiring to make a shady trade or tastelessly bidding at the last millisecond, this guy will do whatever it takes to win.   Defying odds, he somehow returns the following season, and the next one, and the next one . .  . 

“Friends, Family, Religion... These are the three demons you must slay in order to succeed...”

5.   Grandpa Abe Simpson – Complain and moan.   Rinse.   Repeat.   This owner has nothing nice to say, and you’re definitely going to hear about it.   Whether it’s changing the rules, the scoring structure or the payouts, he is got ideas to make everything better, and you just can’t seem to get rid of him.

“Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays.  Please eliminate three.    P.S. I am not a crackpot.”

6.   Gil Gunderson – Nothing goes right for this loser.   Every season, his top player either gets hit with a serious injury or a jail sentence.   If you are “the Gil” of your league you may decide it’s time to cut your losses and pick up a new hobby (preferably something involving a minimal amount of danger).

"Honey you should have seen me with that last sale ... well no, but, who's that voice in the background?   Is that Fred?   Aww.   Honey you said it was over.   No, no, don’t put him on.   Ah, hi you Freddie.   How you doing?”

7.   Krusty The Clown - It’s a long season.   Luckily, this guy tries to spice things up with a little comic relief.   Whether it’s good humored trash talk or a jab at a fellow owner on the message board, this guy will do his best to make sure the league doesn’t take itself too seriously.

“I used to do a lot of tumbling in my act but I'm phasing it out for more dirty limericks. There once was a man named Enus..."

8.   Troy McClure – This guy is always looking to peddle his crap to someone else, and he’s a charmer.   Usually, you know better, but at 2 AM your good judgment may be impaired, and you may wake up to find you accepted a trade of Braylon Edwards for Daunte Culpepper and Santana Moss.

“That's too funny! I can't remember when I've heard a funnier anecdote.   All right, now you tell one.”

9.   Marge Simpson – One league is enough for most, but this gambler has enough for five or six.   Whether it’s making countless paid transactions or encouraging the commissioner to increase the buy-in, this guy is always looking to sweeten the pot and better his odds.

“In honor of legalized gambling, why not go as the state of Nevada.”

10.   Barney Gumble – He may not be the most passionate about fantasy football, but he will take just about any opportunity to get away from the wife and kids to go to a draft.   Free beer?   Even better.

“Hey, Homer, I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, there's only one case left.”

When it comes to your league, which character from the Simpsons are you?   Do you unsuccessfully police your league like Chief Wiggum or bully fellow owners into a trade ala Jimbo Jones?   Discuss it in the article discussion forums.

The Simpsons characters and quotes are properties of Twentieth Century Fox, but your analyses are your own.   Enjoy your draft!