Notable Numbers - Week 1 Sep 10, 2008 | More

One isn’t a trend, so you have to be careful in looking at performances in the opening week. This also means I can’t call this a weekly segment, so here are some numerical observations in the first and as-yet only installment of the potentially weekly segment of Notable Numbers.

4.3 : Yards per carry allowed by the 2007 Lions

Michael Turner lit it up with 220 yards on the ground against Detroit, but it’s not clear if this says LaDainian Tomlinson’s former backup is ready for the big time or if the Detroit defense is just as bad as or worse than last season. Take two ounces of skepticism and call me after Week 2, when the Falcons travel to Tampa Bay .

10 : Total receptions by Plaxico Burress

With Jeremy Shockey out of the picture, there are a few more looks to be shared by the Giants’ wideouts. I wouldn’t count on Burress to match his career best every week, but he should continue to perform well. Meanwhile, keep a close eye on this team, as a fantasy-relevant WR2 on the Giants could emerge.

1-in-3,651,528 : Odds of meeting a Swedish pornographer at a New York City sports bar during a Bears win over Peyton Manning’s Colts

Yes, this really happened. I'm still not sure what part is most surprising.

51 : Yards per reception by Hank Baskett

One of the 100+ yard Philadelphia Trifecta this week, Hank Baskett pulled in just two receptions, one for a 90-yard touchdown. In most leagues, this scored a little better than Greg Lewis and his 104 yards on four receptions, but the game log says Lewis is probably the better bet (unless DeSean Jackson is on your wire for some reason). When you’re considering your waiver options this week, don’t forget to look at the detail to see just who is getting the looks, and who just got lucky.

Of course, Baskett's two receptions were better than Torry Holt and his one-fer in the same game. The Rams looked bad on paper coming into the season, and you probably paid a decent price for Holt in your draft just a couple of weeks ago despite this, and for good reasons. Don't do anything drastic.

111 : Estimated number of practicing psychiatrists in San Francisco

The “new” offense under Mike Martz looked depressing out of the gate, and if you’re a fan and this start doesn’t depress you, you’re probably crazy. Either way, beat the rush and schedule early. Meanwhile, the pre-season waiver golden boy, Kurt Warner, threw just one touchdown during the game, but he’ll have a chance to redeem himself next week against the Dolphins.

3 : Total Touchdowns by Willie Parker

Willie has already surpassed his 2007 touchdown totals, but don’t get too excited. Not much has changed from last season, when it became clear that Ben Roethlisberger and his receivers are the Steelers’ preferred red zone options. All of his scores came on second downs, and only one of those followed a running play on first.

12 : The smallest number with the most factors, and some guy named Tom Brady

Unfortunately, both Tom Brady and the website of the Dozenal Society of America are in disrepair. Brady leaves behind a team with a good defense, a decent running game, a fairly soft schedule, and arguably the second best wide receiver of all time (See Also: #80). While everyone tries to decide whether it’s “KAH-sul,” or “Ka-SEL,” I’d try to make room for Matt Cassel if you have any questions about your quarterbacks. He has too much talent around him to pass up.

252 : Total yardage allowed by the Buffalo Bills

The Bills also had two takeaways, five sacks and a punt return touchdown. This came against the one-eyed-kings of the blind NFC West, but the Bills have a pretty good team and an exceptionally error-prone schedule. Buy now if you can.

50-50 : The carry split between LenDale White and Chris Johnson

An even split doesn’t last long in the NFL. Coaches want their best guy on the field as much as possible, and by the end of the season, one of these guys will be taking a strong majority if they’re both healthy. The rookie has a strong yardage lead, 93 to 40, while LenDale got the score. Especially with the third wheel of the running game, Vince Young, now out with a knee injury, this is still a wait-and-see situation. Don’t buy high on Johnson or cut bait on White just yet.

16 : Total combined touches for Earnest Graham and Marques Colston

Graham’s fantasy numbers look good, even better in PPR leagues, but that mere 10 carries is a bit Caddy-esque, even if Graham was actually productive with them. Colston’s lack of attention in this game was probably even more Shocking (groan) to owners, but both he and Jeremy got the same number of looks. It just happens that Jeremy Shockey caught all of his. Let’s hope Colston shakes off the rust in a hurry.

4 : Total combined receptions by the NFL’s silliest-named receiving duo.

T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Chad (2⁸ - 1)/3 (née Johnson) are off to a rough start after Carson Palmer did his best Stevie Wonder impersonation against the Ravens. There’s too much talent to not give this bunch at least a second chance before declaring the Bungle is back in Cincinnati .

47 : The number of ways I hate Tony Kornhesier

The smartest thing he said during Monday Night Football: “I don’t know anything.”

65,859 : Total attendance for Brett Favre’s first game as a Jet

If during the summer you told me he would have two touchdowns on 22 attempts during week one, and you weren’t talking about him at home with his Nintendo Wii the Packers gave him to keep him busy, I’d have said you were crazy. I guess with enough experience you can hit the ground running in any team, though it’s probably lucky for Favre that he landed on a team where he still just has to lob it at the tall guys in green.

23 : Number of times I’ve seen the SNL “We are Kickers” rap skit.

Matt Prater is a kicker. He kick ball. He play with ball, he kick the ball – far, and usually at altitude. He’s got a big leg, a pretty good team around him, and thin air at home. There’s nothing not to like. If you spent enough time in the Shark Tank this off-season, you know he was my sleeper kicker pick this year, because kickers need love too. There was also some Eddie Royal guy who did pretty well. You should probably grab him, too.

99.9999991%  : Top speed of the LHC, as a percentage of the speed of light

This week also marks the kickoff of the Large Hadron Collider, which could be the biggest thing in science since Einstein. What does this mean for you? In the long term, lots of cool new technologies, but if it turns out we're all living in just one of many parallel universes, it would also mean you've won all of your money leagues at least once every year. Get your collection notices ready.