The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin - Week 12
Nov 27, 2012
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With three weeks to go I have a three game lead in my division. I can end it all with a win because I am playing the only team in my division that can catch me. So win and I am in the fantasy football championship playoffs for 2012. But can I win? That is the question.
I Can Play How Many On Thursday?
I get nervous if I play almost all of my team on Thanksgiving. Even if it works out, you find yourself second guessing performances left and right. Should I go with Dez Bryant? Should I go with Wes Welker? But the Denver Broncos are playing the Kansas City Chiefs! Out of eight players on my team, I could have played four. I chose two and went with a Sunday lineup. Kansas City cannot be that good. Cincinnati is going to play poorly. In that way it could work out, right? Wrong!
When You Lose By 3 Points!
So I find out my score and I lost by three points. All I needed was three more points for a tie and four points for the victory. Where could I have gotten those four points? Matt Bryant had a 48-yard field goal that he missed by 10 feet to the right. That was a five-point field goal in my league! I could have gotten four points if Drew Brees did not throw two interceptions. But where I really lost the game was my opponent getting cheeky and picking up the Cleveland defense to go up against the Charlie Batch-led Pittsburgh Steelers. The Steelers threw three interceptions. The Steelers lost five fumbles. That was 16 points! From the Cleveland defense! That is how you lose by three points, my friends. I am now 9-3 with two weeks to go still looking for one last win. Oh, the humanity! Speaking of humanity, did you see the Thanksgiving games?
I Thought The Turkey Was In My Belly
It turns out that the real turkey was the efforts put forth by the Detroit Lions, Dallas Cowboys and the New York Jets. Before I finished the rest of the pumpkin pie, the New England Patriots were up by a score of 35-0. The back pages of the New York tabloids had a field day with a fumble caused by Jets quarterback Matt Sanchez after a botched play where he ran into the backside of his guard Brandon Moore, which promptly dislodged the ball. Patriots safety Steve Gregory thanked Sanchez on the way by and ran the ball in for a touchdown.
Since the fumble was caused by Sanchez hitting the butt of Moore, it has become known as the bumble…a combination of bum and fumble. I guess that is kind of like Brangelina for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie only for football purposes. And the Jets still believe that they are playoff bound. That is positivity right there.
This is the week I count my blessings and give a second batch of thanks. I give thanks a second time for one reason. That one reason is that I again successfully cleaned out gutters that were 50 feet high and I live to tell the tale. It is my Mount Everest. The only difference is that Sir Edmund Hillary had at least his Sherpa guide Tenzig Norgay.
I do not have any Sherpa guides whatsoever, and I empty the gutters all the same. Each year my wife holds the ladder and I slog to the top and take out them leaves. After a few hours all is well and back to normal.
Take it slow, pace yourself and don’t do anything stupid. That is my mantra and it has worked every year for five years.
But I do it nonetheless, and may I finally stop when I have the smarts to believe I am no longer capable of such a feat. Until then, it is my Everest and I get to gloat about it every year.
Tim can now be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org and welcomes your opinions on the “Diary of a Fantasy Virgin” articles .