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Tales from the Offseason


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Yeah, so there’s only about 15 weeks until my life has purpose. Until my Monday morning (heck, every weekday morning) aren’t filled with sales reports, Powerpoint presentations, and other types of haberdashery. Only 15 weeks until I actually look forward to going to work for all the wrong reasons. And since I play for money, in 15 weeks, I’ll technically have two jobs. I’ll have two jobs and watch my productivity decrease by at least half. Imagine that ...

Imagine that. I’ve done it too often. The problem is that I can’t stop. Seriously. I have been looking forward to the 2012 fantasy football season since the end of December. Let me fill you in on what happened this offseason.

We watched the sports world compare Tim Tebow to Jeremy Lin. Tebow is the most well-known college athlete of all time! What handful of Harvard Crimson faithful knew who Lin was? Ask me if I’m a Tebow fan and I’ll give you the typical response: “He’s a great guy, a good role model, and everything else the NFL should represent … but I don’t want him as my quarterback.” I’d go on to tell you that I’d rather have a dog-fighting, ex-convict who tried to sneak cannabis through airport security for my quarterback than Tebow. And I love dogs. The bottom line is that Tebow owns the press. Some news outlet was offering some outrageous sum of money for being able to prove that Tebow wasn’t a virgin. Poor guy. Lin is not on Tebow’s level. Few are ...

Peyton Manning is! I’ll be honest here. I thought Manning would play last year. I thought I stole him in the 10th round of a draft!! Well, he didn’t play. I thought things would go back to normal in Indianapolis after the season. Last year would be the year marked with the asterisk. You know:

2011 Indianapolis Colts: 2-14*

* Yeah, we didn’t have Peyton Manning *

I didn’t think there was any way the Colts would trade him. His career is in Indianapolis. Everyone loves him in Indianapolis. He has a hospital named after him in Indianapolis. And now he works in Denver. It just proves that nobody is irreplaceable. Manning is now under the tutelage of John Elway, one of the best quarterbacks of all time. In my opinion, Manning wins at least one more Super Bowl. I hope he does. As for the Colts, they’re going to need some “Luck” getting rid of that asterisk.

But at least they aren’t the New Orleans Saints. Yikes. This is borderline Katrina type stuff. In case you’ve had your head under a rock, or under Jonathan Vilma’s shoulder pads, they’ve got some issues. Vilma and head coach Sean Payton are gone for the year. So someone remind me, why haven’t they signed Drew Brees? Give him the newest line of Mercedes-Benz vehicles. Give him the Mercedes-Benz Superdome if he wants it. Pay the man for two reasons – 1) you should be happy he will still put on a Saints jersey, and 2) he’s the glue that’s holding the Saints from complete destruction. I don’t have real high expectations for the Saints … unless they’re allowed in some professional wrestling event.

There’s been a lot of news this offseason, and it should make for some big news during the fantasy season. I like to think of my fantasy homepage like Wall Street. Rotoworld and ESPN are like Bloomberg and MarketWatch. For every action, there is a reaction. Keep that in mind and you’ll be the first to snag the running back who is going to replace the superstar after he plays the Saints.