The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin - Preseason Part I Aug 11, 2008 | More

The Virgin is back! This means I get to relive another Fantasy Football season as a newbie, a literal Fantasy Football Virgin. For all of those who new to the site, welcome to the best Fantasy Football site on the web. This is our seventh season, and our writing skills are progressing. There are many new and charming characters that fill up this vessel offering a wide spectrum of all that is Fantasy Football, as far as this segment is concerned. It is a weekly experiment where I impart ZERO wisdom on my team. My team is formulaically chosen using recommendations from this site and the lineup is selected using the tools offered. ‘Tis the noblest ongoing Fantasy Football experiment six years running into its seventh season.    

The first year, I really was the virgin and I went through the motions and a lower first-round draft pick named Ricky Williams ran all over the league and got me to the point where I lost the league championship. Since then, it has been a mishmash of seasons around .500. I expect this year to be no different. Now you may be saying, “Why would I care about being .500?” Well, it only matters after you have lost the first three games of the season and the people in the office make you the doormat of the league. You can either pack it in … and some people do by the looks of the record at the end of the year … or you can continue to fight. We at Fantasy Sharks recommend the latter because a team can turn on a dime and the championship can be lost because Terrell Owens just has one bad day. But before all this mess, let us discuss the summer that was.

What I Did Over The Summer - Recollections

We are approaching school time in this great land of ours. We would start off the school year with a brief synopsis on what we did over the summer. Oh, and this is just a friendly reminder for everyone in cyberspace: there were no computers when I was doing this years ago. There was no such thing as the internet en masse. The kind of summer fun involved, for some, that “Brady Bunch” trip to the great national parks. Even just a camping excursion to the Cape was spoken with the same wide-eyed eloquence as the kid who went to Walt Disney World. Every first day of the school year until we were 12 this went on.    

As is my tradition here at Fantasy Sharks and my Diary of a Fantasy Virgin article, I bring to you what my summer was all about. As most summers go, this is my wildest experience. That would be of course the life of a first homebuyer.    

What I Did The Summer of 2008

I got this foolish notion in my mind that I would finally settle down with my wife into the man-cave known as home. Back in the Neanderthal days, it probably was just as hard “buying” a home. Except back in those days, you just got a really big club and found a nice spot on the hill that someone previously occupied and, well, you went Darwin on the dude and if you won, you have a nice cave. That is, of course if you won the battle. If you lost, you got the lean-too south of the outcropping and your partner complained about the leaky roof. It stunk, but I bet you trained so that you could get a cave the next season.

Now in 2008, we get a little bit lucky because home ownership is attainable due to a confluence of factors. And you purchase the house of your dreams for 80 cents on the dollar. Back in ’95, my wife and I committed to a certain “cave” area in central Conn. We ended up only 10 miles from the place 13 years later and the house is younger than my toupee! This is deemed all a good thing with the exception of the responsibility that comes with home ownership. I cannot and will not bore you with the facts but just to let you know, the “honey-do” list gets huge and working out is ironic because you just worked out mowing the lawn. So what I did the Summer of 2008 Sr. Mary Williams, was yard work and maintenance. Thank you very much.

I would love to comment on the Summer games in Beijing but it is all too recent. I can say without certain redaction and humility that the opening ceremonies were the most awesome display of human achievement in recent history. I guess it would be the equivalent of watching the pyramids being built. It was that impressive. And if you missed it, just check it out online. On the 50-inch plasma in HD, I was gob-smacked.

I still had a teeny little bit of “me time” and worked on my golf game some more.    You see, I have this nifty basement with 10 foot ceilings. I can take full swings of my club. I still managed to shoot 37 in one of my golf leagues this summer which is not that bad for 9 holes. I guess I was just lucky.    

Speaking of luck, it is draft time. Are you ready?

Preparing For The Draft

The draft is coming Virgins, so its time to get out those stat sheets and read over number upon number or just link into the Fantasy Sharks recommended draft list or print out the custom cheat sheet. The first thing you should realize is that this draft stuff will not only make you but could also break you. But it makes and breaks everyone so it is not a big deal. Sure winners turn into busts and previous busts have a great season of vindication. And sometimes, if you draft too early, you draft guys that split town due to injury or just need to leave due to personal “issues”.    

I am going to draft this year like I always do in the past. Just change it up based upon a strong QB league or a weak QB league. A strong QB league is one where when the QB gets a TD, you get six points. If you are in a weak QB league, the QB gets three points for a TD.    

Most leagues give three points to the QB and I personally think it’s a rip-off. In a weak QB league, draft athletically but put off the high rated QB’s until later. In a strong QB league, just look it over and if you are drafting 10^th and Peyton Manning is available, go for it.    

This year, in my draft, I will be going with RB, RB, WR, WR, QB, TE, QB, K, DT, TE, RB, QB, K, DT, repeating the RB through DT sequence until I am done. In a strong QB league, take RB, QB(preferably Peyton Manning!), RB, WR, WR, K, DT, TE, QB, RB, WR, TE, DT, repeating the QB through DT sequence until I am done. Follow the custom cheat sheet and fill in the blanks. And if you are really new to this fantasy football gig, don’t worry. Read up on this site from all of my peers and check out the message boards. Knowledge is power and this site cranks it up enough wattage to light Vegas!    

This Year Forget to Incorporate The Bye Week

My last bit of recommendation is to forget to take into consideration those bye weeks. I have tried this time and time again and for the most part it seems to equal out. I have found that for the most part it is not as important as first thought out.    But taking into consideration and acting on it is another thing altogether. The point is that you do not get any points when your player is taking some much needed time off. But you can cobble some guys together and get by one week and lose if the team is strong enough the rest of the time.

Well, I will let you know how my draft worked out by September. For some reason it is late this year. It is good to be back friends. Welcome to Fantasy Football.

Master D.

Tim can now be reached at tdavoll@fantasysharks.com and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles.