The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin - Preseason Part II Aug 31, 2007 | More

Here I am in my rental abode of writing and I am wrapping around my noggin the idea of getting a Large Java Mug to go along with that Fantasy Sharks Women's Tank Top for my wife to go with the thong from the year before. Remember my fellow male readers, if you buy it and wrap it up nicely, they just may wear it… all at once. Yes! These fantasy wardrobe thoughts run through me wee melon and I am here to talk about the standard preparations for fantasy football on this site. Well I have on my list of things to do here the Cromwell Demolition draft! That is the name of my team and the draft is coming this Sunday. So the key is to be prepared. I will help you utilize this website to make your first game a snap. But first some random musings from the Summer that was, virgin style.

Where Are All These Hurricanes?

You know, after the Hurricane season of 2005, we were told that we were in a new era. There would be several named storms of ever increasing intensity due to climate change brought about by mankind. The only problem with this Mr. Expert is that there are fewer hurricanes in 2006 and 2007 (so far… cross your fingers) than there were in all of 2005. What can we learn from this reality? Well, all I can think about when I am told stuff like this is a quote from Mark Twain. He stated … “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”  

What Mr. Twain was talking about is the insidious capability of human beings to invent the catastrophic thought and live it in their mind. It is just a thought even though the scenario may not happen at all. The point is that you must be weary of the mind, my friends; it comes into play whether you are winning or losing Fantasy Football. And you will be surprised at how many times you lose if you are new to this. So let us get on with the task at hand. The task is how to draft your team and enter it into the lineup tool at fantasysharks.com. We must begin with the beginning.

In The Beginning … More Assistance With Your Draft

Begin by sending a simple note to the person running your league. Say something like this… ”The Fantasy Sharks Virgin has asked me to ask you what the scoring system is in our league. Please point me to the place where the scoring system is or you will be considered a low-rent Fantasy Football Commissioner. Thanks.” After you register for this site (if you haven’t already), take that information and click on My Fantasy Football Home -- à Edit My Scoring System. Next enter in all the information associated with the scoring system in your league. Click the You’re Scoring System Button. Now click on Player Projections, click on Quarterback and voila, based upon last year’s stats, the ranking of Quarterbacks come up on your screen. Now continue through all the positions and take that information to your melon. That is last year’s results and just like the stock market, past results do not a future make.   Next, print out the Printable Custom Cheat Sheet. Now, and this is the brilliant part about fantasysharks.com, see what the heck the people who have been doing this for awhile do when they have to pick. That means going to the Player Analysis page. These three references will bring you harmony toward your selection if you have not made your picks already. This is the information highway at its very best for you. The information is convenient, quick, and it beats talking to that hairy-backed guy in the see-through shirt who wins your league every year. Ewwwwww! You just didn’t have to work so hard. But this is only setting yourself up for the very best you can do with the information you have. Now comes the execution part.

The Execution Of Your Draft

Be weary, fellow virgins, veterans, and others who don’t want to fit in to either category. The draft is a mistress of folly. Filled with good intentions, the results can leave you laughing in the streets or groaning in the aisles. Scour the team’s websites of the top 30 players in each RB/WR/QB position. That means 90 players and make sure they are not injured. Pick the best TE and Defensive team after you have three or four Running Backs, two or three Wide Receivers, and one or two Quarterbacks. Next map out a strategy of picks based upon points/player analysis/printable custom cheat sheet or some combination thereof. Take a deep breath and … GO!

The Aftermath

The aftermath is your team. Enter this team in the following place on this website. Go to My Fantasy Football Home - à Edit My Players and enter your players in. Now you can take advantage of my next article. My next article will go in to the steps needed to select the team you will play that week. Go off and be merry, because projection tools are evil and reality is a long walk off a short board. Your team will change so much due to injuries, craziness, trades, and dumb luck that your next moment in time may not resemble this moment in time. But you have a friend to shepherd you through the valley of “playas”. All of us are alone. We might as well reach out and get through it together.

Master D.

Tim can now be reached at tdavoll@fantasysharks.com and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles or advice to help out your fantasy football team.