The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin - Preseason Part I Tim Davoll, Fantasy Football Staff Writer Aug 13, 2004 | More

The Virgin is back and none the wiser, my friends.  The Rose petal may have fallen from the bloom, but you will still get the same recap and the Captain, Artemis and the whole gang will be back as well for all new adventures aboard the HMS Demolition.  I also oversold my Virgin moniker so much that to my chagrin, it will stay with me the rest of me pen-to-paper days.  But who cares about that!  I get to talk football again at the greatest fantasy football site ever!  And it is not just because they let me write for them.  The fantasy football draft recommendations alone will turn Virgins like you and even experienced folk into Pros overnight.  So, as I flex my gray matter preparing for another season, I have been asked to write one or two preseason articles.  For those of you new to the Fantasy Virgin, I will bring you through the highs and lows of Fantasy Football with a storytellers yarn.    Being from New England, you have to have a little bit of raconteur inside you to be able to write for fantasysharks.com.  The goal of this article should be light reading that brings a smile to the reader and allows them a brief respite from all the serious fantasy football number type crunching on this site.  It shall act as an oasis in the desert that is Fantasy Football.  Let us begin with summer mirth and merriment.  

What I Did Over The Summer - Recollections

Every year, we would start off the school year with a brief presentation on what we did over the summer.  There were the kids who went to Disney, the kids that went to California, and those who went to the beach.  I went to the same place every summer and as a pointed matter of fact only went to about two or three places in my youth.  One such place was the Boy Scout Camp in Andover, Ct. Every minute from the opening ceremonies to the final jamboree was very organized keeping everyone busy.  From nature walks with plaques that identified the flora and fauna of the region to archery class, and even making rainbow tie-dye shirts, every day was filled with adventure.  Some of the biggest adventures were identifying the mystery meat at dinner and drinking “bug” juice.  I always remember the time seeming like forever.  And much to my chagrin it was two weeks.  How could this be?  The camp counselors were only getting ready for the next round of scouts and our activities were all the same in their eyes.  I think the point is that time is lost, elongated, prorated, and downright wretchedly wicked when it comes youth.  How can two weeks seem like an eternity?  Einstein was right on when he stated time is relative.  It seems to stretch when each minute is measured and fly by when forced to take it in hours or paychecks. I always longed to know what I did the rest of the summer?  I was definitely out in June.  I most certainly went back in September.  I can account for four weeks, but what about the other six?  I guess that means I have to divulge what I did this summer.

What I Did The Summer of 2004

Relaxation? Sure!  Golf? Definitely.  Fishing with my dad?  Why not!  This summer I spent the first half taking a 1-month rest from running in the month of June.  I only gained 16 lbs!  I can only fit into relaxed fit shorts.  My life is complete!  That is another article yet to come.  So, now that I decided to run again for the last ½ and I am down 11 of those 16 lbs, I have a question for you.  Where does the weight go?  I know it gets burnt in terms of fat and energy output but it seems logical that it has to go someplace.  I guess if you are on the Atkins diet, you just pee it out of you through that ketosis process.  But where does it really go?  So this Summer I gained a lot of weight, lost some weight, noticed my hair getting thinner up there on my head and thicker on the old derrière.  I now know what the aging process is all about.  Be vigilant and battle the “furry” plants growing out every orifice and body part with the exception of your melon….where it actually supposed to belong.  Speaking of vigilance….it is draft time.   

Preparing For The Draft

The draft is coming Virgins, its time to get out those stat sheets and read over number upon number or just link into the fantasysharks recommended draft list or print out the custom cheat sheet. The first thing you should realize is that this draft stuff will not only make you but could also break you.  But it makes and breaks everyone so it is not a big deal.  Sure winners turn into busts and previous busts have a great season of vindication.  And sometimes, if you draft too early, you draft guys like Ricky Williams and David Boston before both of them split town.  David went down due to injury and the other because he … well wanted to take a break from the stress of professional football. If you are new to fantasy football, this is what you must follow.  First, find out if you have a strong QB league or a weak QB league.  A strong QB league is one where when the QB gets a TD, you get 6 points.  If you are in a weak QB league, the QB gets 3 points for a TD.  Most leagues give 3 points to the QB and I personally think it’s a rip-off however that is another article.  In a weak QB league, draft RB, RB, WR, WR, QB, K, DT, TE, RB, QB, K, DT repeating the RB through DT sequence until you are done.  In a strong QB league, take RB, QB(preferably Peyton Manning!), WR, RB, WR, K, DT, TE, QB, RB, WR, TE, DT repeating the QB through DT sequence until you are done.  Follow the custom cheat sheet and fill in the blanks.  And if you are really new to this fantasy football gig, don’t worry.  Read up on this site from all of my peers and check out the message boards.  Knowledge is power and this site cranks it up enough wattage to light Vegas! 

Don’t Forget to Incorporate The Bye Week

My last bit of recommendation is to not forget to take into consideration those bye weeks.  You do not get any points when your player is taking a siesta.  So when drafting, make sure you still have a team most weeks.  Losing a whole week or two because your horses are resting in the barn may come back to haunt you at the end of the season.  Well, I will let you know how the draft went in Preseason Part II and in between that time, we will see how the Captain, Artemis and the rest of the gang made out at Forgotten Bay.  It is good to be back.

Master D.