Are you scared? Well, you should be. I am coming to get
you! Are you scared now? Allow me to introduce myself. I am the ghost of Lundy
and I am here to take you on a horror-ble journey. Welcome to the Halloween
edition of the Top 10 at 13. Oh yes, that is even better then the 11 that my
meat puppet comes up with. This Top 10 is so scary that it goes all the way up
to 13! (lightning flashes and thunder rumbles in background.) If you suffer
from Triskaidekaphobia, then stop reading now, for I am not responsible for my
evil actions.
In this Top 10, I will be discussing what I think are the
13 football players that have risen from the grave. In other words, certain
footballers whose careers were left for dead and then all of the sudden, like
the sparkle of the moonlight on a magician’s cape, they came back to life to
haunt us all on the ghoulish gridiron. So at the stroke of midnight we will
begin … muhuhahahahahaha…
Drafted fourth by the Chicago Bears, he immediately became
a bust when Thomas Jones was more productive. Not that Jones was just more
productive but Benson was terrible and eventually became a bust. It didn’t help
that he was arrested for drinking while boating. But, his career didn’t sink as
the Bengals came calling, and so far he looks like a stud running back in the
making.
I may have some reservations even including this one, but
he did survive his death by hands of the Crypt Keeper, Al Davis. Once a lively
receiver from the Vikings, he was traded to football’s graveyard, the Oakland
Raiders. His career was dead until a grave digger by the name of Belichick came
along and like the evil warlock he is, brought him into the Patriot Covenant
and the rest is bewitching history.
What is with these running backs from Texas? The guy was drafted by a team that
forfeited all of its draft just to get him. He did all right, but wasn’t so
good that it was a good idea to give up a whole draft for. Traded to the
Dolphins, he was a cog in the running game and then he decided to retire early
because they would not let him smoke his grim reefer. After a year out of
football, the resurrection was complete and the Wildcat was born.
10. Warren Moon
After a successful college, Moon was dead on arrival as no
NFL team wanted him. Instead, Moon (who has an awesome name for this werewolf)
opted for the Canadian Football League and his chances in the NFL were
pronounced dead. Due to his awesomeness in the purgatory of the CFL, he found
new life with the Houston Oilers (who themselves died in 1996) forging a Hall
of Fame career.
After rushing for 1,000 yards in 1998, he was living high
and mighty on life for the “quote the Ravens” until his apprentice took over
for him and killing him in the process. Jamal Lewis murdered the priest and
went on to win the Super Bowl. But this ghastly priest still had a resurrection
in Kansas City,
reviving his career and becoming the most famous fantasy player of all time,
scoring a then-record 27 touchdowns in 2003.
8. Jerome Bettis
Of course he was a hit with the Rams in the beginning and
in Los Angeles, but once they moved to St. Louis, Bettis had
bitten the big one and there was no hope. At that time the Rams seemed to be
dead as well. But, no one will remember him as a Ram because once he became a
Pittsburgh Steeler, he was up like the moonlight dance. And the rest is a Hall
of Fame history lesson.
7. Y.A. Tittle
Playing for the Colts of the AAFC in the 40s, he was out
of football for awhile until he signed on with the 49ers in 1950. He often
battled Franky Albert and John Brodie for playing time and once thought his
career was going nowhere. That all changed in 1960, when he was traded to the
New York Giants and was instrumental in leading them to three straight division
titles.
6. Jim Plunkett
He was called the best quarterback prospect of all time by
some scouts coming out of college, but what did they know? Drafted by the
Patriots, he failed to live up to expectations and was traded to the then-terrible
49ers, where he was left to die a slow miserable death. The Raiders picked him
up in 1978 and even though he was left for dead on the bench, he eventually
became the first Hispanic quarterback to lead a team to the Super Bowl.
5. Marcus Allen
Life was good for this running back from the sunny skies
of L.A., from
his spectacular career at USC to the beginning of his Hall of Fame career for
the Los Angeles Raiders. Then came the dark day - the crypt keeper was at odds
with his star running back and decided to blackball him. Al Davis is a
wonderful creature, isn’t he? For three years, he was left to rot and his
career was to be ruined. Escaping the evil spell of captivity of Davis, he came back to
life with the Kansas City Chiefs, becoming a Pro Bowler once again.
I know this story has been told 666 times but be prepared
for the one guy who has a zombie troll for a wife. If surviving that wasn’t
enough this guy had two deaths and comeback from both. He was bagging groceries
when the Rams claimed him and well, in one year he won the Super Bowl after he
was left for dead. In his second death by way of the Giants, he found new life
as the savior for the lackluster Cardinal franchise. Like a horror villain, you
can’t kill him and that hideous wife of his.
3. Johnny Unitas
Some of you younger ghosts and ghouls may not remember
him, but Unitas was a Steeler before he was the Hall of Famer for the Baltimore
Colts (yes, young monsters, the Colts used to play in Baltimore). He was drafted by the Steelers
and was out of football before he even began. Well except for the cemetery of
semi-pro ball. He worked construction, and at the begging of a friend of his,
he tried out for the Colts. He got his chance when George Shaw broke his leg
and you kiddies can read the rest on any old website because he was that good.
2. Steve Young
After starting his career in the USFL (died 1986), he was
kidnapped by the blood-thirsty pirates, Tampa Bay,
who raped, pillaged and did everything they could to kill off his career. The
49ers rescued his body and then continued to rot behind Joe Montana with no
hope for a resurrection and the death nail was inevitable. Nobody was more dead
then Steve. However his fortunes would change and when Montana got injured and he took over the
position and the Bay Area was proclaiming, “He’s alive!” He became the highest-rated
quarterback in history and lifted that huge spider-monkey off his back.
1. Cris Carter
This cat was possessed by more demons then I can care to
count. Drafted by the Philadelphia Eagles in 1987, he never lived up to the
hype that the Swamp Thing Buddy Ryan envisioned for him. This monster dealt
with many drug and alcohol addictions that it almost ruined his real life.
Finally the Swamp Monster released him, proclaiming that all he did was catch
touchdown passes. Well, Carter finally exorcised his demons and resurrected his
career in Minnesota
becoming a better football player, and more importantly, a man.
Well, there you have it. Maybe it is not the best list in
the underworld, but it will do. I am a ghost for flipping sakes and I have no
brain as the zombies ate it. If you think you can make a better list then by
all means scare one up. As for me, I am off to scare an innocent family out of
their house.
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