Back in my day, we didn't have fancy things like the internet, running water and electricity.   Okay, I admit, I am lying about running water and electricity, but I am speaking the truth about the internet.   Before Al Gore invented the internet, fantasy football wasn't as glamorous as it is today.  In fact, we had to walk 14 miles in three foot of snow uphill just to get to the draft. Alright, you got me, that was an over exaggeration as well, but I promise you, things were not quite as easy when I first played fantasy football; all the way back to the year 1994.

A lot has changed since I first played fantasy football, thirteen years ago.   I remember it like it was yesterday.   Man, I am getting old, but let's focus on the issue at hand. Running a league in 1994 was twice as difficult in operating or playing in 15 different leagues in the present. Let me start at the beginning.

Fresh out of high school and straight into college, I had a part time job at a grocery store for extra spending money.   This is where I met a bread man by the name of Bill Fenney, who introduced me to the wonderful world of fantasy football.   When he first mentioned the term "fantasy football," all I could think about was playing tackle football with half naked women.   After he knocked me in the back of the head, waking me from the most wonderful daydream, he explained to me the whole concept of fantasy football.   I have to be honest; I thought that was the stupidest thing I ever heard.  

Like any college student, I had better things to do, like partying and mingling with members of the opposite sex. Oh, who am I kidding?   I don't drink, and the only way I was going to score would be in a fantasy football league, so I decided to give this strange new idea called "fantasy football" the old college try.

Preparing for the draft would be my next task in my quest for fantasy football world domination.   I was not even sure how to exactly do that, but I was determined not to look like an idiot. At the time, there were no fantasy sharks or 20 different types of outdated magazines.   I would have given my sister’s first born for just one of those crappy fantasy publications.   Once, I even asked a complete stranger, but that really didn’t get me very far. I said "fantasy football" and he had this happy stare on his face.   I knew what he was thinking about.   That's right, half naked chicks in shoulder pads.  

This was the exact moment, I realized, I had no idea what I was doing.   At least, I could admit it.   Thankfully, Mr. Fenney lent me this ten pound almanac with every stat from every known (and some unknown) player since the Truman administration.   This book would have been helpful had I been able to draft Jim Brown and Otto Graham, but as far as I knew, they weren't on any active roster.   After streamlining, the book to players that are actually playing, I figured out my game plan going into the draft.

On the day of the draft, I was ready to show my competition, that there was a new sheriff in town.   I was sure I was going to dominate. Yes, sir. After Barry Sanders was taken with the first pick, I had a huge smile on my face.   The guy I wanted was there. And, with the second pick, I chose Steve Young.   At that moment, everybody proceeded to point and laugh at my selection. After many years of internal reflection, I guess, I should have taken that Smith guy from Dallas.   What did he have that year, something like 1400 yards and 21 touchdowns? Of course, my fatal mistake, offered me the luxury of being stuck with Ron Moore as my top running back on my team.   Hey, he did have a pretty impressive '93 season, I figured, how bad could it be? Well, I finished 20^th out of 20 teams.   I hope Mr. Moore is really proud of himself for starting to suck at the exact same moment he would be picked for my fantasy team.   Thanks a lot. Am I bitter?   Hell yeah, I am, but I digress.

After the draft, our commissioner received some terrible news that his wife had fallen ill and was to be hospitalized.   Being the wonderful guy I am, I asked if there was anything I could do to help.   That was when I was volunteered to be the acting commissioner until he was able to resume his duties. After, just a few weeks, that experience changed my life forever.    There are better things I could have done at the time, like peel off all my skin and jump into a pool of rubbing alcohol.   Why did I have to be such a wonderful guy?

You have to remember, that in 1994, there were no internet ran websites that would manage your league automatically. No sir, you had to do every thing the old fashioned way.   Armed with a number two pencil, a USA Today, and a Casio graphics calculator, I would go to work every Tuesday and compute the results using the stats from the box scores.  This was about as fun as listening to public radio with a chainsaw, but it had to be done.   Otherwise, there would be an angry mob of 19 owners with pitchforks and torches at my door waiting for me just to step out on the porch.   And, don't ask for anyone to help you.   Oh No.   You would have thought you were asking them to donate a lung, so, I just shut my mouth and carried out this tedious task each and every week.

Another responsibility of the being the leader of the league would be to record all the lineups.   This had to be done in person or over the phone, and sometimes, I would not be home to take down their lineups.   Judging by the death threats and rude messages, I concluded that this just caused a lot of confusion and frustration.   I mean, how hard would it have been just to record their lineup on my machine?   There were pretty good at swearing into to it.   God forbid, I actually go to class or work or even go on a date. Well, probably not the date part as I was not the chick magnet you all thought I was.   I know that is shocking, but anyway, between computing weekly results with an abacus, and dealing with the nineteen most moronic people in the world, I was ready to jump off a building.   Thank the lord; the real commissioner came back when he did, to save me from either certain suicide or mass homicide.

As much of a hassle as it was to run a league, I had a ball competing in one.   To say it changed the way, I experienced football would be a major understatement.   It made every game exciting and really mean something.   Yes, I did suck terribly, in my first season as a player, but it gave my insignificant life a whole new purpose.

From the beginning, I was hooked.   The next season, I continued my quest for fantasy football dominance.   Eventually, I figured out what I was doing, and even won my fair share of championships through the years.   One thing is for sure, things have certainly changed since my first season.   Now, there are numerous websites solely devoted to the subject, and many more sources to help even the most inexperienced of players.   However, the most welcome innovation would be league management software and the internet.   It sure beats the heck out of running a league with a notebook, a calculator and a number two pencil.

So, let this be a lesson for all you youngsters out there.   Be thankful for what you got, because fantasy football wasn't always fun and games.   Trust me, before the internet, in the not so good old days of fantasy football.