The Sin City BetBot 6000 Presents Oct 30, 2009 | More

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob …), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45-point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well-cultured take on the NFL. The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing … BZZT… is a dame’s job.”

Two things happened last week which reminded me of a pretty scary incident in my life.

First off, my dear, dear friend Soupy Sales passed away. Ah, Soupman (that’s what I called him, Soupman) I am so sorry to see you go. I first met Soupy back in the late 60s when he and I starred in a number of plays which toured our fine country. We often competed for the attention of our leading ladies off stage, but it was a healthy competition and a fine friendship. One night, we were flying from Des Moines to New Orleans to premiere a two-week engagement of Neil Simon’s play The Star Spangled Girl. I was seated next to the lovely Jessica Walter when all of a sudden our plane started bucking like an aardvark who got a tongue-full of Tabasco sauce (pardon the expression, I’ve been in Texas recently.) I thought Soupy and Jessica were goners for sure. I would … BZZT … have survived, my memory anyway, my hard drive (at the time) was decades ahead of its time and encased with a tungsten-carbide cobalt casing. I prayed to my Catholic God for our safe passage, but thought the world was going to lose a couple of shining talents. Luckily we survived thanks to the heroic efforts of our captain and crew. When I learned of Soupy’s passing and the horrible story of the pilots who lost track of the landing strip , almost killing their passengers … well, I had to chuckle. Sweet coincidence. Sweet, sweet coincidence – bringing a fond memory home. While reminiscing, I thought, this must be what age-addled seniors must feel like when memories become a jumbled mash of sepia toned images … then I thought, I wonder if Sherman Lewis ever feels this way? Then I thought, nah – probably not. I’m sure Sherm is focused, and never drifts off when calling plays for the Redskins. The way the players were playing, though, it looks like the players drift off all the time. Then I had my sixth martini.

I was proud to take third billing behind talent like this.

NFC NOTES –

Coach Zorn, keep your eyes open for zombies! Coach? Coach!

Pittsburgh is a tough place to play (especially when the referees seem to be on the Steelers side), but I saw flashes of the old, cold weather Brett Favre Sunday. Sloppy, sloppy, No. 4. Minnesota trainers better break out the icy hot for those creaky joints.

The crew calling the Monday Night game was on target. As I noted above, the Redskins look disinterested, and Jim Zorn is a dead man walking. No matter what Vinnie Cerrato says, no way Zorn lasts through November. And if Dan Snyder gets those Halloween zombies he ordered in time, Zorn may not last into November.

The Saints never play a boring game … except for the one against the Bills. That one was pretty bleeping boring.

The Cowboys showed me something Sunday against the Falcons. They showed me they can beat a good team at home after a bye, but still; they won. Roy Williams showed me he doesn’t do that much. Five targets, one catch. If I were still doing the Wide Receiver Confidence Index, old Roy would be at the bottom of all WRs.

Jay Cutler, either suck or don’t suck. Pick one, this back and forth is killing fantasy owners.

The Jerome Boger Rush to Judgment Section of the Article – This is the part of the column where I turn off my rational heuristics and make a wild judgment based on limited, potentially biased data … kind of like my favorite NFL referee, Jerome Boger, aka Southern Sassy.

Unfortunately I was right about my prediction on Chris Cooley’s TD receptions.The good news is that this gives Chris more time to think up provocative poses in the locker room.

Shaun Hill will start again this season for the Niners. So will Nate Davis .

AFC NOTES - Here’s what I think about the whole Larry Johnson issue. First, L.J. is a major jerk - usually you can tell a guy’s a major jerk if he’s involved in several assault cases. Second, even setting aside the jackass homophobic comments, let’s be realistic - his biggest mistake was making fun of his boss! I don’t care who you are or even if you’re right (and Larry Johnson Sr. IS a better coach than Todd Haley) - you can’t go public with a comment that denigrates your boss and expect to keep your job. Of course, in pro sports, losing your job = a two-game suspension. And here you thought the Chiefs were being sensitive to the gay community as opposed to the Native American community, who they clearly don’t care for.

The Broncos are surprising just about everyone this season, and have wrapped up the lucrative Special Teams Player of the Month awards in both September (kicker Matt Prater) and now October (kick returner Eddie Royal). As I like to say, first you get the hardware, then you start getting the chicks. 

OMG 33, I was scared to wake up! Rosenfels was the QB!

The Texans got a scare on Sunday when stud wide receiver Andre Johnson bruised something in his chest (lung, rib?) and had to be hospitalized. And apparently Johnson got quite a scare when he had a nightmare in the hospital that Matt Schaub got hurt and Houston traded for Sage Rosenfels to start at quarterback. That’s enough to make anyone wake up in a cold sweat, and it’s even scarier that it’s based on a true story - just like every new horror movie.

Darren McFadden is recovering slowly from surgery to repair his knee, and there’s really no reason to rush it. In fact, if I were McFadden I would milk this at least until the end of the year, if not the end of my rookie contract. No reason to risk future quality of life over a wasted cause (despite Richard Seymour’s claim that the Raiders are a playoff team, which I know you are all taking very seriously.)

The Dolphins are trying to send a message to Ted Ginn by having him compete for his starting job again. What they really need to do is step up their efforts to finish a time machine, so they could go back in time and avoid taking Ginn in the first round - that would be ideal. And if they’re fixing recent Dolphins mistakes they can just keep going back and avoid trading a second-round pick to Philadelphia for A.J. Feeley. This might be a good time to remind everyone that we have an A.J. Feeley and a Jay Feely in the league.

Former Browns GM Phil Savage was pretty critical of the current Browns front office this week, saying that Eric Mangini and George Kokonis had “dismantled” what he was trying to put together in Cleveland, which apparently was a team with two bad quarterbacks masquerading as starters and leading the team to a four-win season.  Savage is one step behind Steve Phillips on the list of “Former GMs who look really stupid this week, and may or may not have a sex addiction.”  

BetBot Picks of the Week That Nobody Else Likes

So I get e-mail all the time telling me how terrible my picks are.  Last week I went 1-2 to put me at 11-7 on the year.

Jaguars (+3) over TITANS - The Titans are still laying points. Are you kidding me?  Battle of two of my favorite Goldenlegs - David Garrard and Vince Young.

Browns (+13.5) over Bears - Everyone knows the Browns rot, but the Bears defense is not going to hold a two-touchdown spread.

Raiders (+16.5) over CHARGERS - I feel kind of dirty about this but San Diego really has trouble stopping the run and Oakland might put up a fight this week.

So long for now, and remember: “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and … BZZT …gin.”