Fantasy Football Sharks - The Sin City BetBot 6000 Presents

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL. The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing .. . BZZT… is a dame’s job”.

I recently saw The Legend of Jimmy the Greek documentary in ESPN’s series 30 for 30. Let me say, I really enjoy the series, there’s always a definite agenda with most of these programs, but most of the shows are well done and entertaining. However, what I saw the other night confused and enraged me. There was not one mention of me in the entire show. Not one! Jimmy the Greek played a pivotal role in my life, and nearly ruined me in the early 80s. Jimmy was my mortal nemesis, to say that we didn’t like each other would be putting it lightly. I joined the cast of The NFL Today in 1977 , I was there until 1981, when Jimmy had me forced out. What was Jimmy’s problem with me? Was it that I was better looking, more accurate, articulate and more immortal than him? Was it my friendship with Phyllis George ? Was it my passionate affair with Jayne Kennedy ? I don’t know…but I do know that the man did not like me .

I was brought into the show in 1977 a couple years after Jimmy joined the show. My good friend Brent Musberger brought me on to be a foil to Jimmy, a friendly foil, but Jimmy didn’t see it that way. He immediately saw me as a threat, which I wasn’t, until he let his dislike of me be known. Look, I respected Jimmy, hell, I may not have even been created without him. He made gambling more palatable for middle America, his syndicated column was a ground breaker, and I give him full credit for the work he did. Jimmy was a complete troll to me, however. He would stand on my mark, trample my lines and scheme for more air time.

You can see Jimmy's icy glare.

Jimmy had some troubles at home, and I left the show instead of destroying him. Life is too short, even for a robot who can’t die. We all know about Jimmy’s fall from grace. I simply shook my head when I learned of what he said. I sent him a quick note granting my support, to be the bigger robot. I never heard back from Jimmy. I say a prayer for Jimmy… na sas ypoloipo ston ourano

NFC NOTES – Matthew Stafford bought himself 2 years of goodwill with his gutty performance to get the Lions their second win over the hopeless Browns, but don't read into it too much. I mean, it's the Browns. The Thanksgiving Day massacre (again) at the hands of the Packers should remind you exactly what the Lions have earned. Stafford may yet be a quality NFL player, but let's dispense with the "breakout game" talks, ok?

Brad Childress got a contract extension which will only be considered a good move for the Vikings if Brett Favre plays until he is eligible for AARP benefits. Does anyone remember the last two years in Minnesota? I find it spectacularly amusing that all Childress had to do was kiss a little Favre ass to get paid. Peter King would be proud, he's been doing the exact same thing since the '90s.

Impressive win for the Vikes over Chicago, though, sparking a lot of in-fighting between Brian Urlacher and Matt Forte, among others. Both of those clowns need to shut up. Urlacher, you haven't done squat for the team this year except soak up paychecks - time to check your attitude and and remember the phrase "no comment." Forte, the only difference between you and Urlacher is you've been healthy. Stop reading the press and get back to work - the least you could do is throw a block and keep the swarming defenders off of poor Jay Cutler.

The Niners offensive line has been troublesome to me all year long, and all of a sudden the Niners defense has looked very weak. Did you see the last 2 games? I thought the Niners may make the playoffs, but the only hope they have now is the brutal schedule the Cardinals face from here on out. With Kurt Warner's health in question more games like the loss to the Titans may be in store. Speaking of Warner, thanks for practicing all week and then deciding on game day that you were too hurt to go, long after I had inserted you into my fantasy lineup. Cost me a critical game for a playoff spot. Hey, if you're hurt that's fine - but don't practice all week and then stab me in the back. I'm glad Arizona lost after pulling that stunt.

Kyle Boller is probably going to be starting for the Rams for the foreseeable future… The only people happy about that sentence are fans of opposing teams, and likely Torry Holt. Holt may be burned out but at least the Jags are a contender - getting out of St. Louis was the best move he's made in years.

The Jerome Boger Rush to Judgement Section of the Article – This is the part of the column where I turn off my rational heuristics and make a wild judgment based on limited, potentially biased data…kind of like my favorite NFL referee, Jerome Boger , AKA Southern Sassy.

Jerome recently made some headlines in the blogs by giving Vince Young a high 5 … He shouldn’t have done that. Not smart, my sassy friend, not smart. Oh, and to the NFL execs who said that it wasn't a high five, stop insulting me.

AFC NOTES – Hines Ward apologized to just about everyone this week for suggesting that Ben Roethlisberger was sandbagging his concussion symptoms and that Ben could have played. Hey Hines, since you're all apologetic this week and everything, how about providing a mea culpa to all the fantasy owners you screwed in 2004? You know, the one year in the 2002-2005 span where you didn't score double digit TDs? Hell yes, I'm bitter.

Jamal Lewis finally retired after milking paychecks for two extra years past his expiration date. Eric Mangini finally woke up and cut him, probably the most underrated move of his short tenure with the Browns. If Lewis is going to keep quiet and act like a pro, a bottom feeder like Cleveland can live with his sub 4.0 ypc average in the hopes they can break in a QB or something. But if he's going to run his mouth about working too hard in practice it's hard to justify his bloated salary.

I'm watching the Jets-Bills Thursday night game on the NFL network and I must say: the Buffalo Bills are really quite awful. I've seen some bad teams this year but I'm not sure the Bills have a single play-maker on their team. I know T.O. is old and used up, but what happened to Lee Evans? Marshawn Lynch? A year ago they had a frisky team with a couple young studs on both sides of the ball, only lacking a QB to contend. That seems so long ago. Evans looks like a tight end, did he eat the old #83?

Toronto needs to lobby the NFL for some better games next season. London gets teams like the Patriots and the Giants, and Toronto gets the Bills every year. I know it's a "home market" thing but nobody in Canada is going to get behind this sad sack franchise. And while we're working on the schedule, can we get the bleeping Lions off of the Thanksgiving day game? It's ruining the whole day.

BetBot Picks of the Week That Nobody Else Likes

So I get e-mail all the time telling me how terrible my picks are. Last week I went 1-2 to put me at 14-13 on the year. This week I'm going all home dogs.

CLEVELAND (+13) over San Diego - Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies. This makes no sense to you but you don't have 50 years of advanced work in the field.

WASHINGTON (+9.5) over New Orleans - Watch out for the let down on the road following a big Monday night win.

MIAMI (+5.5) over New England - South Beach always a problem for someone as good looking as Tom Brady

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”

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