Saturday - Jan 23, 2021

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All Good Things Must End

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing.. .BZZT… is a dame’s job”.

Svetlana and I broke up last week. I am devastated, but as my good friend
George Harrison
All Things Must Pass

. Svetlana’s birthday is in a couple weeks, and thoughts of her impending mortality were disturbing me; she’ll be 28.

Being immortal isn’t all fun, and watching those around me wither and die can be tough. I find it best to sever romantic relationships as my partners approach 28 years of age. It’s tough on me, and tougher on my partners; but it’s for the best. My summer dalliance with
Pippa Middleton
was a mitigating factor, but we’ve always had an open relationship.

Why am I bringing up my stupendous personal life? To illustrate that nothing lasts forever, especially NFL coaches life spans. The media already has
Tony Sparano
fired, and rightfully so, this season has been just horrible. The best Dolphins fans can hope for is that the Colts somehow win one more game than them this year.

NFC Notes

Fans of Dallas are panicking, they should be.
Tony Romo
looks scared,
Dez Bryant
can’t run a NFL route and
Rob Ryan
got seriously out-coached last Monday. So what’s wrong?

On the offensive side of things -lack of clear leadership, it’s that simple.
Jerry Jones
questions his coach’s play-calling when it strikes his fancy. I don’t know if players are listening to Jason Garrett, but when you have an owner with a strong personality and a loose mouth players are wont to look to that owner as the true leader.

Defensively…although the team is stacked in the front seven,
Rob Ryan
has been a disappointment. The defense did a great job against the Patriots (anyone think
Rex Ryan
may have given Rob the scoop on how to defend them?) but has been bad against everyone else on the schedule not named the St. Louis Rams.  Ryan needs to tighten up the gaps presented by the D-line and LBs, did you see the holes
LeSean McCoy
had to run through? I could have wheeled my good friend
Orson Welles’
coffin through that line. Play more conservatively up front on run downs, and pray that your safeties can limit big plays.

As long as Jerry Jones holds the reins there will be questions about leadership; Jones needs to back off. That won’t happen, so Dallas needs to get a big name coach who can live with Jones. Bill Parcells didn’t last long, but someone like Parcells is exactly what the Cowboys need. Coaches like that don’t grow on trees, and given the egos involved, any big name coach won’t last more than four years – so they will have a small window. If Garrett is gone after next season, look for another big name to be prowling the sidelines of Dallas, for awhile anyway.

Matt Ryan
is one of many young QBs who has been struggling this year. I believe he’s better than what he’s shown this year, but the Falcons have been very average in 2011. I expect two teams from the NFC South to make the playoffs, the Falcons will make it because of a relatively easy remaining schedule (they still have Indy, Jacksonville, Tennessee and Minnesota remaining). They will be a Wild Card team and lose in the first round however – they need more weapons on offense.

I’m contractually obligated to mention all 32 teams twice during the season. This is my second mention of the Arizona Cardinals; and thus completes my Cardinals quotient. And while I’m at it – Seattle Seahawks.

AFC Notes

You know what’s about to explode?  The RB situation in Tennessee. Apparently neither
Chris Johnson
nor head coach
Mike Munchak
want to admit publicly what is readily obvious to anyone who’s watched the Titans play this year – Johnson is done.  Seems odd to say for a 26-year old with Johnson’s track record and recent contract. Nobody saw this coming but nobody saw Sarah Palin coming three years ago and yet here she is still annoying me.  And here CJ is with so little left to give to pro football.  Hopefully he’s already riding pine on your fantasy team but if not please make the switch.  Barring a re-dedication to his craft, he’ll be out of the NFL within two years.

You know who else is probably out of pro football?  
Peyton Manning
. Look, his neck is “healing slowly” which is normally a manageable problem given enough time.  But he’s waiting for nerves to regenerate – and take it from someone with experience – sometimes damaged nerves don’t come back.  Not back after six months?  Keep waiting and praying if you are a Colts’ or Manning fan, but I give him a 1-in-4 shot to ever play again.

That’s pretty sad, all things considered.  He was going to set the career record for just about every major NFL QB statistic.  Now we have to live with
Brett Favre
atop the career lists.  Stupid Manning neck nerves. Bunch of jerks.

Speaking of the Colts – has anyone been paying attention to Jim Irsay’s twitter?  It’s like a cross between classic rock radio and Bobcat Goldthwait.  “How many roads must a man walk down/ BECAUSE PEYTON’S NERVES ARE PIECES OF CRAP!”  “WHY OH WHY CAN’T HE HAVE NERVES OF STEEL LIKE SUPERMAN?!  Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses?”

And now we handle our contractual obligation to discuss the Cleveland Browns.  So, uh, I guess
Peyton Hillis
is hurt again.  Kinda sucks, dawg pound.  Still, you are the second best team in the whole state of Ohio!

After the Chargers get their cans handed to them by the Packers this week, Kansas City will be in first place.  Anyone who watched the Monday Night Football tilt between those two juggernauts just stabbed their own eyes with a pencil.  You know who thinks
Todd Haley
looks cool by not shaving or washing his hat during this “win streak”?  Nobody, that’s who.  Let me just point out that KC has a -42 point differential and could conceivably have the second best record in the AFC by Monday morning.  Your day is coming, dirtball – or as one might say on twitter: “Doo doo he plays toe jam football…WASH YOUR HAT TODD HALEY KC COACH!”

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”

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