Wednesday - Jun 19, 2019

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Andy Rant

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing.. .BZZT… is a dame’s job”.

My good friend
Orson Welles
..now there was a man who lived life! He did everything to excess. Wine, women, food and genius. Of course , he was a shell of his former self when he passed. His judgment was spotty…bleeping spotty. He had been offered the opportunity to narrate the movie
The Man Who Saw Tomorrow
about Nostradamus. It was a waste of his time, and I told him so; but he wasn’t listening. He had to be in front of the camera, and he needed the money.

I see the same lack of vision and focus with the lame duck NFL coaches. The most egregious avatar of this principle is Andy Reid. He’s tired, his players are tired, and the Eagles’ fans are tired. The same can be said for Miami, Jacksonville and St. Louis. Jack Del Rio has been relieved already; the other coaches should be gone soon too.

NFC Notes

Ndamukong Suh
is going to be suspended two games for his egregiously stupid attack on Green Bay lineman
Evan Dietrich-Smith.
What Suh did was stupid; what Suh said afterwards was even worse. Suh said he lost his balance and he was falling. Look, I know there’s planty of stupid people who watch the NFL and may believe Suh. No one’s that stupid. Suh insulted everyone’s intelligence with his excuse. Come on Ndamukong! We’re not all that stupid!

In a related note,
Ray Anderson
and
Merton Hanks
are the NFL’s discipline czars. Wait a second Merton Hanks…? THE Merton Hanks? The guy who danced The Pigeon? The guy with the world’s longest neck? I couldn’t take what that guy says seriously…about anything. Anything.

The Eagles collapse is almost complete. And it has been a thing of beauty. This is the stupidest, laziest, sloppiest team in the league. This attitude comes from the top. It’s time for a change.

The Niners are still a Top 5 team in the NFC, which shows you how bad the NFC is once you get past the Packers and Saints.

Donovan McNabb
was released Thursday. He will get picked up by a team with an injured starter. McNabb can be a good backup, but he can’t…BZZZT… handle being the backup. Wherever he ends up next year, he needs to accept that role. He won’t and next year will be his last year in the league.

AFC Notes

Wow, the Patriots kicked the Eagles to the curb on Sunday.  Not like they were playing the Lombardi Packers, but still.   Everyone realized that was the beginning of the end for
Andy Reid
, and if not then at least they do now that the Eagles lost to Seattle by 17 points.  But the other top franchise in the NFL during the aughts?  Still rolling with pretty boy
Tom Brady
.

Bite me, Pittsburgh.  The Steelers in the early part of the decade left a lot to be desired.  Not as good as Philly.  The 2005 season was sweet, though.  
Jerome Bettis
represents Detroit!

You too, Indy.  0-16, that’s where you’re headed.  Enjoy your top draft pick that’s going to flame out.  We drafted the next
Peyton Manning
, yeaaa.  No, you did not.

Oh, and
Todd Haley
: your team still rots even though you washed your hat.

Fantasy update:

1.
Chris Johnson
.  Still sucks.

2.
Andre Johnson
. Still hobbled.  Now with
Jake Delhomme
at QB.

3.
Stevie Johnson
. Fined for…actually, he was fined for being pretty damn funny.  Pound salt, Plaxico, if you can’t take a joke.  Still, Stevie is not having a good week.

4. Sucks to be a Johnson.

5. Is there any way that Andy Reid has a connection to a Johnson family?  Because I’d really like to spend the rest of this column detailing why he is ridiculously incompetent.  Oh, that’s right.  Reid hasn’t fielded a decent defense since his defensive coordinator
Jim Johnson
passed away three seasons ago.

So, the AFC Notes break down like this – there’s some bad news on the Johnson side of the family, and also Andy Reid is terrible.  

I’d mix in some shots at
Tim Tebow
but what’s the point?  If you think he’s fantastic then he is.  I love the way he comes together in an anti-establishment kind of way. That doesn’t mean he’ll be good long-term but as I said weeks ago, who cares?  Enjoy it. There are precious few players that turn the cognoscenti on their head and succeed where the talking heads suggest they cannot. The fact that he praises the heavens every time he sees a cheerleader smile is annoying, but it’s not a hanging offense. He’ll get his when they find out about the hooker girlfriend, or drug abuse.  Everyone gets brought down, and I mean everyone.

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”

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