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Characters in Your Fantasy Football League

If
you are the kind of fantasy football owner who has been preparing for months,
you may be bored to death waiting for an eternity while your fellow league
members brood over their next pick.  

Don’t let that sharp fantasy football mind go to waste!  

Instead, use that time to spot these ten
“animated” characters in your league (representative quotes for each character
are provided to assist you in your analysis):

 

1.

  Ralph Wiggum – Whether he drafts multiple
kickers or uses his first rounder to pick up the “other” Adrian Peterson, this
guy is always good for an unintentional chuckle.

  He is one owner you don’t need to think about
until the end of the season, when you’ll pray that he’ll play spoiler against
your strongest opponents.

  

 

“Oh boy, sleep!
That’s where I’m a Viking!”

 

2.

  Lisa Simpson – This brainiac knows his
stuff.  

He can regurgitate obscure
statistics from seasons past effortlessly and can predict a breakout season
with striking accuracy.  

You had better
hope this guy gets distracted (maybe with a Malibu Stacy doll?) and loses
interest before the playoffs start.

 

“It doesn’t take
a genius to realize that Houston’s failed to cover their last ten outings on
away turf the week after scoring more than three touchdowns in a conference
game.”

 

3.

  Seymour Skinner – Because this control freak
craves order and structure, he is likely the chump who volunteered to be the commissioner
of your league.  

Don’t expect a whole lot
of flexibility or alternative interpretations of ambiguous rules.

  This tight-ass will NOT let you screw around
with his league!

 

 

“Button down
those cowlicks! Straighten that part! Uncross those eyes, mister!”

 

4.

  Charles Montgomery Burns – Whether it’s
conspiring to make a shady trade or tastelessly bidding at the last
millisecond, this guy will do whatever it takes to win.

  Defying odds, he somehow returns the
following season, and the next one, and the next one . . 

 

“Friends,
Family, Religion… These are the three demons you must slay in order to
succeed…”

 

5.

  Grandpa Abe Simpson – Complain and moan.  

Rinse.

 
Repeat.

  This owner has nothing nice
to say, and you’re definitely going to hear about it.

  Whether it’s changing the rules, the scoring
structure or the payouts, he is got ideas to make everything better, and you
just can’t seem to get rid of him.

 

“Dear Mr.
President, There are too many states nowadays.

 Please eliminate three.

   P.S. I am not a crackpot.”

 

6.

  Gil Gunderson – Nothing goes right for this
loser.

  Every season, his top player
either gets hit with a serious injury or a jail sentence.

  If you are “the Gil” of your league you may
decide it’s time to cut your losses and pick up a new hobby (preferably
something involving a minimal amount of danger).

 

“Honey you
should have seen me with that last sale … well no, but, who’s that voice in
the background?

  Is that Fred?

  Aww.

 
Honey you said it was over.

  No,
no, don’t put him on.

  Ah, hi you
Freddie.

  How you doing?”

 

7.

  Krusty The Clown – It’s a long season.

  Luckily, this guy tries to spice things up
with a little comic relief.

  Whether it’s
good humored trash talk or a jab at a fellow owner on the message board, this
guy will do his best to make sure the league doesn’t take itself too seriously.

 

“I used to do a
lot of tumbling in my act but I’m phasing it out for more dirty limericks.
There once was a man named Enus…”

 

8.

  Troy McClure – This guy is always looking to
peddle his crap to someone else, and he’s a charmer.

  Usually, you know better, but at 2 AM your
good judgment may be impaired, and you may wake up to find you accepted a trade
of Braylon Edwards for Daunte Culpepper and Santana Moss.

 

“That’s too
funny! I can’t remember when I’ve heard a funnier anecdote.

  All right, now you tell one.”

 

9.

  Marge Simpson – One league is enough for
most, but this gambler has enough for five or six.

  Whether it’s making countless paid
transactions or encouraging the commissioner to increase the buy-in, this guy
is always looking to sweeten the pot and better his odds.

 

“In honor of
legalized gambling, why not go as the state of Nevada.”

 

10.

  Barney Gumble – He may not be the most passionate
about fantasy football, but he will take just about any opportunity to get away
from the wife and kids to go to a draft.

 
Free beer?

  Even better.

 

“Hey, Homer, I’m
worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, there’s
only one case left.”

 

When
it comes to your league, which character from the Simpsons are you?

  Do you unsuccessfully police your league like
Chief Wiggum or bully fellow owners into a trade ala Jimbo Jones?

  Discuss it in the article discussion forums.

 

The
Simpsons characters and quotes are properties of Twentieth Century Fox, but
your analyses are your own.

  Enjoy your
draft!

About Fantasy Sharks

FantasySharks.com began in 2003, disseminating fantasy football content on the web for free. It is, or has been, home to some of the most talented and best known fantasy writers on the planet. Owned and operated by Tony Holm (5 time Fantasy Sports Writer Association Hall-of-Fame nominee,) Tony started writing fantasy content in 1993 for the only three fantasy football web sites in existence at the time.