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Couch Tomatoes – Week 3

One thing you have to admit is that when the football season starts, it flies by like a fast freight train going downhill. The Thursday-Sunday-Monday schedule keeps racing along, with little time for a break between the weeks.

I am already hounding Bonnie on what snacks to have on Sunday as we are treated to another slaughtering of our Chicago Bears, this time by the Seattle Seahawks. I will get some solace by thinking of the Chicago Cubs being in the MLB playoffs.

Watching my and Bonnie’s fantasy teams last week was sort of like how a general must feel watching his troops get massacred before his eyes. Pardon me, I am praying three times daily for all my questionable, doubtful and out players. I’ll be right back as it is time once again.

I do a separate prayer for players who have sucked so far that I have not dropped yet, but for my players wounded in battle and recuperating I just keep on praying … Here goes—Dear Big Guy in the sky, please look over and protect my teams. Please pay special attention to Drew Brees, Jordan Cameron, Delanie Walker, Lorenzo Taliaferro, Andre Ellington, Julius Thomas, Tevin Coleman, Eddie Lacy, Jay Cutler, David Cobb, Eddie Royal, Alshon Jeffery, Brandon LaFell and Matt Forte and allow them to return to the field at 100 percent as soon as possible. Also, if you see fit to ravage my eight teams, please be so kind as to treat my opponents with the same challenges you are giving me.

I was thinking of calling the Pope while he was in Washington, but I was already in such awe that both sides of Congress could rise as one and applaud a speech that I figured my miracle didn’t stack up to his other priorities. Maybe I will just try to get some help from his No. 2, Oprah.

Yes, Bonnie, that sounds like a great menu. I’ll help you load up the plates.

Ok, Bonnie … shush the game is starting. I have to get back to the couch and get ready to throw some tomatoes.

After last week, I have a ton of random facts running through my brain. Let me throw them all down here and share those valuable nuggets with you.

I wonder who would have picked Richard Rodgers to be more productive than Jimmy Graham.

The Dallas Cowboys are hurting big time — no Tony Romo or Dez Bryant, and Jason Witten has two bad ankles and a knee. Why does the Big Guy in the sky always seem to be punishing Jerry Jones?

Anyone surprised that Philadelphia’s high-flying offense has crashed already? Give it a chance, Philadelphia has looked inept with it in the past and suddenly they soar again.

With Todd Bowles taking over as head coach of the New York Jets, notice how they are suddenly the hottest offense and defense around.

While up the road in Buffalo, Rex Ryan has a shaky offense and a defense that has yielded the third-most points in the AFC.

Can you believe that Baltimore, Seattle, Indianapolis, Philadelphia and New Orleans are all among the 0-2 teams?

Michael Crabtree with a 14-reception, 148-yard, touchdown stat line already has 11 first-down receptions compared to 35 all year in 2014.

Bill Belichick déjà vu — LeGarrette Blount (two touches) is back, but his job has been lost to Dion Lewis so far.

If Buffalo would have gotten 10 points for Rex Ryan’s mouth, they would have had a 42-40 win over New England. For Bills’ fans, that worked about as well as it used to for New York Jets’ fans.

Houston Texans’ fans hope Arian Foster returns soon. Neither Alfred Blue nor Chris Polk can get any traction on racking up some stats.

With a healthy, rejuvenated looking Carson Palmer playing incredibly well thus far, the Arizona Cardinals look like the best team by far in the NFC West.

The next big win by the Chicago Bears might be their first-round pick in the 2016 NFL Draft.

Those Bears have already given up 79 points in two weeks. In contrast, the 1985 Bears defense that many say was the best defense ever, gave up 198 points over the entire season.

Tennessee looked like a sure-fire lock after Week 1. Who would have guessed that Johnny Manziel would thoroughly embarrass Tennessee and outplay Marcus Mariota?

Just when we thought that the Bishop Sankey/Terrance West running back duel was winding down, Dexter McCluster suddenly awakened and emerged from where he has been hibernating on the Tennessee bench. After a game in which he had 10 rushes for 98 yards, and four receptions for 26 yards, the running back picture in Tennessee is now as clear as mud.

Common wisdom tells us to simply discard DeAngelo Williams with Le’Veon Bell returning. But nobody expected Williams to be the No. 1 fantasy scoring running back overall after his two games. Try to trade him to the Bell owner, or sell him as maybe being a hot running back by committee prospect. You never know what you might get.

The answer is in for those following the New Orleans Saints. Neither Josh Hill nor Benjamin Watson is worth a plug nickel at tight end. Maybe they can trade and get an unhappy-in-Seattle Graham back. It was a bad trade for both teams.

Beware Julio Jones owners. He has never played an entire season nor has he started all 16 games in his four-year career.

With 2.9 yards/carry, Rashad Jennings is driving up the fantasy values of Andre Williams and Shane Vereen.

For you Torrey Smith owners, it is time to bench him for a couple weeks. He just had a six-catch, 120-yard, touchdown game. Of course, the touchdown was for 75 yards, making it look better than it was. But better looking than he is has always been the Torrey Smith image.

The expected running back by committee in Oakland has been reduced to one — Latavius Murray. Marcel Reece, Roy Helu and Taiwan Jones have been relegated to the far end of the bench.

After two weeks, we find that Buffalo is the most fantasy-friendly defense in the NFL. Congratulations to coach Rex Ryan for the speedy turn-around from being the expected best to actual worst in two shorts weeks.

The stingiest teams in yielding fantasy points thus far are Denver, New York Jets and Washington.

About Mike Nease

Mike Nease is a member of the FSWA and has been playing the game since 1985, while also writing about it since 2001. Over the years he has sampled about all the playing scenarios that fantasy football offers, including re-drafter, keeper, dynasty, auction, IDP and salary cap leagues. He and his wife Bonnie reside in West Chicago, IL You can contact Mike at anytime and during the football season follow him @mikeinsights.