Tuesday - May 21, 2019

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Couch Tomatoes

When you make the move from being just a fantasy football fan to becoming a senile old fart couch potato, you really have to pause and think about it. I feel a sense of pride and accomplishment, like this is the zenith of being a fantasy football fanatic.

On Sunday morning, Bonnie beckons me at 11:00am to come into the living room to join her at our fantasy football control station. She sits in the easy chair and I have dibs on the couch. We are surrounded by little tables and trays holding snacks and cold beverages and, of course, Nease Mission Control, that good old lap top computer. I open all the windows to follow my eight teams and Bonnie’s pair of teams. It’s game time!

For about 12 hours on Sunday, not to mention Thursday and Monday nights, my remaining brain cells are literally bombarded by millions of mesmerizing ever changing blasts of visions and sounds that create one big amount of freaking needless to know knowledge. Think of the commercial time alone you absorb watching all those games. Are you worried about Windows10 because you can log in with a smile. WT….Fudge—we old farts only scowl! We don’t smile anymore. What am I going to do?

Ok, Bonnie… shush the game is starting. I have to get back to the couch and get ready to throw some tomatoes.

Here are some of the blasts I was able to remember from the first week of the season, just in case you wanted to know…

Was anyone else underwhelmed by the Patriots slim 28-21 win playing at home in a supposed statement game over the under-manned Steelers?

Did you notice that other than Julian Edelman, the Patriots have no fantasy-worthy WRs?

How high will Rex Ryan have the Bills defense against the Pats at home in Buffalo this week?

Was Frank Gore really the best solution at RB for the Colts?

LeSean McCoy spent the summer complaining about being shown the door and making claims about racial bias by Chip Kelly. The only bias Kelly had was that McCoy could no longer win the race.

For those keeping tabs on Percy Harvin—one game=one injury (hip). Same old Harvin…

With all the hype on James Jones and Randall Cobb, the Packers leading WR against the Bears was Davante Adams with a 4-59-0 stat line.

A point to ponder about the Bears—how many games can RB Matt Forte have 29 touches like he did Sunday against the Packers? At this pace he will be lucky to be able to play eight weeks.

Every year, I seem to read about how WR Nate Washington is washed up. Like the watch that keeps right on ticking, he had a solid 6-105-0 in a shaky Texans offense.

It must be scary to be a Panthers’ fan watching Ted Ginn, Jr. playing as your WR1.

Are Browns fans ready to send the team to L.A. and roll the dice on yet another expansion team?

QB Johnny Manziel will at least add a degree of excitement to the Browns as they work on losing week after week all season.

Was anyone really shocked when Marshawn Lynch was stuffed on the first critical short-yardage play of the season?

With BenJarvus Green-Ellis out of the NFL panorama, it looks like we have a new law firm in Tampa—Austin Seferian-Jenkins.

Joe Flacco strongly demonstrated, yet once again, why he is not a fantasy QB. For those that drafted him because “this is the year,” forget about it!

Don’t be surprised if the Lorenzo Taliaferro era comes to Baltimore sooner than later.

I am a senile old fart and even I know that telling Rashad Jennings not to score was not a sound move by Tom Coughlin. He may just be a candidate for retirement.

Shades of shady McCoy… Thank goodness DeMarco Murray had two TDs to go with those 20 yards on 12 touches. Otherwise, he would have looked like a complete bust, instead of a half-(bleep) acquisition.

Were you really surprised that Adrian Peterson at 30 years old was really so slow?

If Marshawn Lynch’s mom gets a soup commercial, will she invite OC Darrell Bevell over for a can of alphabet soup, laid out especially for him; ‘You’re fired,  coach.’

What week do you have in the Jordan Reed out for the season pool?

Based on the results over his career thus far, Alfred Morris must be the worst pass catching RB around since Chief’s legend Christian Okoye who caught a ball once that stuck in his face mask.

I have heard of throw-back uniforms, but the Saints are taking it to the extreme with a throw-back season. Give a big welcome to your 2015 New Orleans Aints.

With a similar dour personality, Philip Rivers is Jay Cutler with game savvy. Jay, can you imagine having 404 yards passing and a pair of TDs in a game?

The Raiders defense looked like just what the Bengals needed to give their sputtering offense a needed jump-start.

By the way, whatever happened to RB Roy Helu?

And, I have been wondering, did the NFL loan Roger Goodell to Microsoft to help make the Windows 8 transition to Windows 10, skipping Windows 9? It sure smells like a move that the NFL has been known for the last couple of years. Could there be a cover-up? 9-A-Gate anyone?

About Mike Nease

Mike Nease is a member of the FSWA and has been playing the game since 1985, while also writing about it since 2001. Over the years he has sampled about all the playing scenarios that fantasy football offers, including re-drafter, keeper, dynasty, auction, IDP and salary cap leagues. He and his wife Bonnie reside in West Chicago, IL You can contact Mike at mnease23@yahoo.com anytime and during the football season follow him @mikeinsights.