Thursday - Apr 25, 2019

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Critique d’art

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing.. .BZZT… is a dame’s job”.

I’ve got bleeping taste, I know a masterpiece when I see it.

Now, I’m an art critic. “How can a metal automaton be an art critic?” That’s what you’re asking yourself, right? I’ll tell you how, punk! Ever here of some guy named Andy Warhol? Ever here of that guy, jabroni? Yeah – I thought you heard of him. Andy Warhol is a Close Personal Friend of Mine (CPFOM) – well, he was. He’s dead now.

I met Andy in 1978. I was vacationing in New York with my girlfriend at the time, Olivia Newton-John (I called her ONJ). ONJ and I were deeply in love. She…BZZT… wrote a few songs about me in the previous years, “Physical” being one of the most famous.

Anyway, we were touring the city, and of course ended up in Greenwich Village. ONJ was feeling frisky, and I thought that we were about to have a Session of Sweet right there in the street, I had to fight her off! Well, some skinny guy in a paint soaked shirt approached us, and I thought it was because we were getting too randy. Andy had spied me from his apartment across the courtyard, and wanted to meet with me. We chatted for hours about my consciousness, the nature of the soul and what it means to be human. ONJ chimed in a with a couple stories about John Travolta – eh, I wasn’t dating her for her conversational skills. I critiqued Warhol’s paintings right then and there.

Since then I’ve written art commentary for many publications, including
Sin City Times Today


As I wrote above, I know a masterpiece when I see it, and there is only one masterpiece in the NFL today; and that’s the Denver Broncos. John Elway should be commended for the team he’s built. He should also be lauded for the gamble he took on Peyton Manning. If you remember at the time, there were some naysayers. Yes, signing Manning was a gamble, and it’s led to a true work of art this season.


Greg Schiano still has a job? Wow, I usually don’t care for firing coaches mid-season; but come on.

The Cowboys matchup against the Eagles this week with some key players out. Dallas …BZT…has the better players on both sides of the ball; but Tony Romo can slip into daydreams about his past girlfriends at any bleeping second! Mmmm…skinny Jessica Simpson…

The Saints came up very small against the Patriots. They couldn’t score until the end of the game, then they made stupid tactical errors managing the clock at…BZZZT… the end of the game. I knew the Saints were an above average road team at best, but they came up small in Foxboro. That said, they are still the class of the NFC South.

The Panthers aren’t the Saints, but they seem to have found a groove on both sides of the ball. Now, they beat a bad Vikings team that was going through some heavy, horrific stuff; but I’m liking the play-calling on both sides of the ball.

The loss of Randall Cobb is a hard hit for the Packers. Cobb kept defenses honest…BZT… with his speed. His yards may be divvied up amongst other players, but the Pack will fight harder per yard than they had to before his injury. This may be the biggest injury all year for the NFC, and may cost the Packers a playoff spot.

No decent NFC plays this week, sorry.  You might take a look at Tampa Bay +7 over the Falcons just because Atlanta is overrated and missing all of their offense. See if you can get a better line just because…well…Schia-NOOO.


I find it interesting that we think of the Texans as contenders at this point, despite having the second worst point differential in the AFC. Plus, their QB is hurt. Now, I know that Matt Schaub is not winning any popularity contests these days, but he’s a far better player than T.J. “Bleepin” Yates. Houston does indeed have a problem.

I lost two parlays in three weeks thanks to the New York Jets. Get a handle on this situation, Rex Ryan! I suppose I should not expect much from a team whose offense consists of rookie QB Geno Smith and someone named Bilal, but how do you only score six points at home against the Steelers (27th in the league in points allowed even with a bleepin’ bye week!)

Speaking of the Steelers, the AFC North is just dropping deuces all over midfield. As a group, the division has given up more points than they’ve allowed, which is not entirely unusual…except that the …BZT… best team (Cincinnati) is only +10. Seriously, these guys are limping along here. I’m looking for some rookie to step in and start earning some keep. Could it be Le’Veon Bell?  Inquiring fantasy minds want to know.

I’m not going to get into Jim Irsay’s comments on Peyton Manning. Yeah, Jimmy’s a loudmouth braggart who was born in the end zone and thinks he scored a touchdown. He said something dumb…again. Not as dumb as trading a first round pick for three yards per carry worth of Trent Richardson, mind you. Let’s just say this guy ain’t exactly making Bill Polian proud.

Are you in one of those leagues where Philip Rivers is still available on waivers?  Not many left, but I bet he’s a backup on someone’s roster in your league. Make a trade offer. You’re looking at a decent schedule coming up (Jaguars, Redskins,) plus the Broncos and Raiders during fantasy playoffs.

Some decent AFC plays this week:

Bills +7.5 at Miami – Buffalo with another 4-martini play.  They are better than the Dolphins straight-up at this point. Sure, there is the Thad factor, but that’s not worth 7.5 points.

Indy +6.5 vs. Denver – A decent 3-martini play as the Colts will come to play in prime time after looking past the Chargers last week.  Plus, Andrew Luck looks like a werewolf, what with Halloween right around the corner.

FanDuel Sunday Double Up Line Up

Fantasy Sharks has partnered up with 


 this season, and some of us will be participating in a few different contests. I’ve decided to go for the $300k Sunday Bomb this week. Basically, I bet some money that I can pick better week-to-week fantasy players (with a fictional salary cap) than half the jamokes in the contest with me. Like I said, easy money.

Here’s a rundown of my team with some key comments (team lineup may change with injury news post publication of this column) .

QB – Tony Romo – I’d only take Payton Manning over him this week

RB – Joseph Randle – if he gets the majority of snaps for the Cowboys he will light it up

RB – Matt Forte

WR – DeMaryius Thomas – I’ll hit one of these weeks

WR – Dez Bryant – Notice a trend?

WR – Keenan Allen

TE – Sean McGrath

K – Robbie Gould

D – Chicago

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”

About Fantasy Sharks began in 2003, disseminating fantasy football content on the web for free. It is, or has been, home to some of the most talented and best known fantasy writers on the planet. Owned and operated by Tony Holm (5 time Fantasy Sports Writer Association Hall-of-Fame nominee,) Tony started writing fantasy content in 1993 for the only three fantasy football web sites in existence at the time.