Wednesday - Jun 19, 2019

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Cutting Ties

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing.. .BZZT… is a dame’s job”.

My first encounter with
Jimmy Hoffa
was late 1962, I was being reconditioned at a General Motors plant in Flint, MI. Jimmy was there negotiating a new contract with the brass there. I instantly…BZT… recognized a smart, charismatic man who wouldn’t take no for an answer. Lots of moxie, and those are qualities I respect.

It wasn’t easy being friendly with Hoffa, especially given my friendship with
Jack Kennedy
. I stayed neutral and remained friends with both men.

One thing Hoffa told me was, “Know when a relationship must end – then end it.” Now, I’m not going to say how Hoffa and his men ended their relationships, I don’t want to incriminate anyone. Across the National Foot…BZZT…ball League, owners are making decisions about ending relationships with their head coaches and GMs. These decisions will affect the franchises for at least five years going forward; you want to make sure they make the right one.


Speaking of ending long relationships, the Philadelphia Eagles are awful. And their awfulness grows exponentially each week, I haven’t seen a team fall off the cliff this quickly since…well, ever. A team that was picked to be in the playoffs consistently for the last decade is nothing but a shell, with a coach who looks clueless, and a roster of players who look un-talented and disinterested.

So what should
Jeff Lurie
Andy Reid
won’t be the Eagles coach in 2013, that’s a given. Should he finish the year? If you were to ask me that question two weeks ago, I would’ve said yes. Given the abysmal performance on the field, I think Reid needs to step aside now. Of course, he won’t quit, he’s got too much money invested to simply leave. But Lurie should allow him to step aside, and keep his salary next year. This would provide some relief to the fans, who’ve let three years of frustration build to a boil. If Reid is still coach next home game December 13, Thursday Night against the Bengals, the only people in the stadium will be those venting their anger against the franchise…it could get ugly.

I’m looking forward to a Niners/Falcons playoff game. It will be like a bleeping college bowl game pitting two completely different football styles against each other.

Oops, I spilled some Tyrconnell whiskey on my notes… I’ll be running purely off RAM for the rest of the column.

One more thing about the Eagles (since it’s the end of an era, I’m devoting much more column space than usual to that trainwreck) – one thing that must drive Eagles’ fans crazy is the sideline behavior of some of their players.
Nnamdi Asomugha
gives up one humongous play each and every week. After the other team celebrates its touchdown, “Not Me” Asomugha gets in the face of a safety implying it’s the safety’s fault that the play wasn’t defended. The safety may be wrong some of the time (the Eagles’ safeties truly suck), but for someone of Asomugha’s stature, it is distasteful.

It takes
Jason Campbell
to make
Jay Cutler
look great. Seriously, the Bears’ offensive line has more holes in it than Ann Margret’s tights. Ahh… remind me to tell you about the three weeks Ann and I spent in Amsterdam together. Tulips, chocolate and legs, some true Dutch magic.

Alex Smith
is a serviceable QB for a team with a great roster, but not good enough to win the Super Bowl.
Jim Harbaugh
has cast his lot for this year, and his career in San Francisco on
Colin Kaepernick
…it’s his best…BZZZT… bet.


In the AFC we have a couple of nice heads on the chopping block in the AFC West.  I spent a good portion of this column discussing the punching bag that is Andy Reid, but let’s take a moment to reflect on his AFC doppelganger,
Norv Turner. 
Both coaches probably should have been fired at the end of last season. Both coaches are supposed offensive gurus who have seen their offense flame out spectacularly this season (ask any
Philip Rivers
Ryan Mathews
owner).  Both coaches are rightly vilified by their fan bases for not grasping the basic tenets of in-game management. It is right that they go out together this year. It is also very cruel to hear San Diego mentioned as a possible landing spot for Reid. Chargers fans have had to endure too much already.

Also getting fired soon, and again, about 10 months too late? 
Romeo Crennel. 
I will forego any additional kicking of Romeo while he is down, since I have already spent too many words this season on his incompetence.

OK, one thing for the road – do you have any idea how difficult it is to go 1-10?  Even with a league worst -140 scoring margin, the Chiefs have outdone themselves.  Oakland has a -138 margin and still has three wins.

Speaking of Oakland, you know what is going to fix their defense?  Releasing
Rolando McClain
, the No. 8 pick from only three years ago. He’s not taking to the new coaching staff, they say!  You know who else is having that problem? The entire Raiders defense, you dummies. After reducing McClain’s playing time following a 37-6 loss to Denver in Week 4, the Raiders have improved so much that they averaged only 33 points against in the seven games since. Clearly they found the problem.

In my last article I had some nice things to say about
Andrew Luck
and the surprising 7-4 Colts. So let me temper the enthusiasm here – this is a bad team, especially on defense. However, one of the hidden big games of this week looms with Indy at Detroit – if the Colts can pull off a win that will go a long way to putting them in the playoffs. Winnable games against the Titans and the Chiefs remain on the schedule, along with two poundings at the hands of the NFL-best Texans. Winning the Lions game gives Indy a great shot at 10 wins. Those of you that plucked
Reggie Wayne
as a WR2 sure did get your moneys worth this year (84-1105-3 so far.)

How does a wild card playoff game with the Colts traveling to Denver sound?  Some CBS executive just spit out his coffee and ordered up a
Peyton Manning
greatest hits montage.

Catch up with me in Week 17, when the Texans travel to Indianapolis. Houston will have clinched a playoff berth by then, and there will be big questions about resting their starters in a game with playoff implications, as I just discussed, the Colts might need that game to get in. See, you come here to get your NFL news ahead of time, unlike those other sites that have nothing but recaps and forced narratives. Thank your lucky stars that Tony doesn’t mind if I do this column under the influence.[Editor’s Note: The BetBot has assured us that he does not operate any heavy machinery while under the influence…oh wait, isn’t he heavy machinery?]

I don’t say many nice things about Cincinnati around these parts, but they are showing me something this season. The offense is decent thanks to
AJ Green
, already making a case for being the best receiver in the NFL in only his second season.  And while the defense is not an elite unit, they can get after the quarterback (ranked No. 2 in the league in sacks with 35).  As long as
Ben Roethlisberger
is not 100% they are better than Pittsburgh, and you could convince me that the Bengals are better than Baltimore at this point. We’ll find out since those teams all play each other down the stretch.It would not surprise me to see the Bengals slide into the AFC playoffs as the No. 6 seed.

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”

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