Tuesday - Jan 26, 2021

Home / Commentary / DIARY OF A FANTASY VIRGIN: Week 14


Hello and greetings. For everyone in the normal world, I have news. It is snowing in New England with an unusual flurry. However, we are better in New England at handling the elements than most. So it is without further adieu, I bring a warning. This is the time of year that we evaluate the state of the NFL in both divisions.

I have been asked by my handler …. Dave … to speak. Watch out for Dave. He is not an electrical engineer but a lover of Christmas lights! So Dave … why don’t you speak now?

“Hey there! Thank you for the paragraph, Master D. This is Dave telling you that the Great Christmas Light Fight is the most outrageous show on the telly and it is bloody brilliant! I actually encountered people with more love for X-Mas than my bosses mum Elizabeth A Davoll. Generally speaking, however, they did not have more love for X-Mas. They just had much more intimacy with the almighty dollar if you know what I am saying. Dave is now leaving for I have spoken. Thank you Master D for the words. Peace out!”

Thank You, Dave! Your enthusiasm for football is actually not as you professed. It actually appears that you only like The Great Christmas Light Fight. But we trundle on. I guess it is a blessing and a curse. Let us get into the state of the NFL in both leagues, shall we?

State of the NFL Playoffs AFC

As that has been stated before, the NFL reveals all of their issues when the first week of December rolls around. New England and Baltimore possess an identical record of 10-2 with essentially the AFC falling down to these two teams. Buffalo is one game out but it is a game larger than the barrier it has to overcome. The rest of the AFC is living on borrowed time.

State of the NFL Playoffs NFC

The NFC is wild and whacky. New Orleans, Seattle and San Francisco all have identical records of 10-2. This means that the NFC is ready to explode with one of these teams. Which one? I absolutely am unaware of but I am rooting for New Orleans after last year’s non-call.

But speaking of non-calls, how did my team perform in the last week for our league?

Falling Apart?

In my league, it is an NFL style playoff system. It is a 10-team division. The Top 3 teams in each division make the playoffs with the top team getting a bye. The bottom line is that the final four teams play for the bucket bowl. This is also known as the best of the worst. This is ideal because anyone can swoop in and win at the end of the year so there should be consequences in your league. There should always be consequences in your league.

On the last week of our fantasy football season, no events could overcome the pathetic nature of my team. I am at the last part of a snowy day in New England and my team cannot find the end zone. For example, tight end George Kittle goes for 28 points last week and this week … definitely not. I am now in the greatest spot in fantasy football. I am in the playoffs.

A chance to win the championship with three straight victories is a possibility. However, I am a realist and no one wants to throw to wide receiver Keenan Allen. No one wants to throw to wide receiver Emmanuel Sanders, wide receiver Tyreek Hill or wide receiver T.Y. Hilton. Because we are in a points per reception (PPR) league, the name of the game is receptions and yards and touchdowns. I want to let you know I need …heck, I desire a Partridge in a Pear Tree but heck yeah, it was an amazing journey to reach the playoffs. I will never be smarter than my team. I actually went for 192 points earlier this season. I am only wishing and praying I could get 75 percent of that during the playoffs. My next paragraph would only be understood by the great quarterback Steve Young.

The Davoll Speaks About QB Lamar Jackson

Yikes! It has come to the point where I must comment on this fantastic athlete named Lamar Jackson. My response is not what you would imagine. Lamar Jackson is the most dynamic quarterback to lately come along that everyone thinks can be the future. I bring very disappointing information. There are three absolutes in this world. The unfortunate part is that they never last long. The following items do not last long in this world.

  • Dogs that chase cars
  • Professional golfers who putt for pars … and
  • Professional quarterbacks who run and find themselves in the parlor of safeties.

I love Lamar Jackson but he regularly visits the parlor of the safety. What does that mean? He is not long of this world. So beware of the love affair. All that is known is only familiar.

My diary entry is of course about this holiday season.

Dear Diary

The holiday season is full-on. As you would imagine this season brings gifts. The real gift of the year is the definite Disney+ gift of The Mandalorian and L’il Yoda. I cannot express to you how great the character Li’il Yoda is. He/She is mischievous (last episode touching stuff), adorable (beloved by children), and a bad-ass Jedi (second episode with the mudhorn).

John Favreau has found a way to mimic the original intention of non-other than George Lucas. Take a fragile, small, insignificant character like L’il Yoda, and put him/her on mischievous adventures with a warrior race (The Mandalorian). There have been plenty of warrior races in humanity. Look them up as this is not a political dissertation upon society. However, it is important to understand this from a point of view.

The point is that The Mandalorian is a knockout hit.

So Happy Holidays from the Virginator my friends. Our tree is up and Christmas begins now!

The Cromwell Demolition is three wins away from victory!

Master D.

Tim Davoll can now be reached at tdavoll@fantasysharks.comand welcomes your opinions on the “Diary of a Fantasy Virgin” articles.

About Tim Davoll

Author of the Weekly Series "Diary of a Fantasy Virgin" since opening day of FantasySharks.com. That particular date? It was September 12, 2002 when my first article was published on this site. It has been a great ride ever since.