Thursday - Apr 18, 2019

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DIARY OF A FANTASY VIRGIN: Week 15

The 14th week is a watershed moment in the fantasy football season. Some of your leagues ended after Week 13. All of them should end after Week 14. Our league ends after 13 weeks and the 14th week is the first week of the playoffs. It is also the first week where weather can derail your hopes and your dreams. What can a young Jedi do? A young Jedi can just put the pieces on the table and see where the chips fall. Do you understand what I am saying?

Fear Leads To Anger …

Will there be suffering? After my pitiful performance in Week 13 I still finished second in my league and I thought I had some special sauce to unleash on my opponent in the opening round of the playoffs. But maybe I was too fearful. I used the most incredulous rules for my choices this week. I used logic.

I chose Home over Road – Choose team quarterback at home like quarterback Alex Smith.

I chose Warm over Cold – Choose players in warm places or domes like wide receiver Cooper Kupp and kicker Matt Bryant.

I chose Winner over Loser – Choose players with better records like wide receiver Robby Anderson over wide receiver Demaryius Thomas and tight end Jimmy Graham over Evan Engram.

… Anger Leads to Hate …

I am literally watching every game this Sunday and all of my picks absolutely stink. Alex Smith was No. 1 on the board and he had 268 passing yards but with no touchdowns. In fact when he had a touchdown pass to tight end Travis Kelce they overturned it and marked it on the 1-yard line. When running back Kareem Hunt – who is my opponent’s running back – punched it in for the score he got six points and I got nothing.

Then reliable wide receiver Robby Anderson sees his quarterback Josh McCown break his hand and he goes for only five points. And wide receiver Demaryius Thomas, who has averaged five points the past two games, goes for 23 points. I am getting a bit miffed.

Then tight end Jimmy Graham went for no points. Really? If you catch one freaking pass for 10 yards that is literally two points. Two whole freaking points and Jimmy Graham played a whole game and went for zero points.

I had on my bench running back Jamaal Williams (29 points). I had on my bench quarterback Dak Prescott (35 points). I had on my bench the Kansas City defense/special teams (17 points). I start any one of those and I may win.

I think I am now hating!

… Hate Leads to Suffering…

Despite no points from Jimmy Graham, my opponent is starting quarterback Tom Brady and all he needs is five points to win. But it is through the third quarter and Brady only has one point. One freaking point! That means I am going to suffer as Tom Brady will go for only 13 points and I lose.

But I tried my hardest this year and that is all that can be asked for from all virginators. Just play the draft and play the waiver wire and get lucky and play it by peace.

Dear Diary

The NFL season is starting to reveal itself. The week after Thanksgiving is a preview of the rest of the year to come. There are two teams in the AFC. That would be Pittsburgh and New England. Enough said because these teams have met in the past and they will meet in the future.

It is a sad day when I can say this past entry is relevant. Can you say “Oh My Goodness!”

It is a sad day when the quest for fantasy football dominance ends but it did today on none other than Jimmy Graham … the fourth-ranked tight end in fantasy football. If he got his 11 points per game I would be moving on.

I cannot complain. Jimmy Graham got me here. It is profound that he leaves me here. Enough said.

Master D.

Tim Davoll can now be reached at tdavoll@fantasysharks.com and welcomes your opinions on the “Diary of a Fantasy Virgin” articles.

About Tim Davoll

Author of the Weekly Series "Diary of a Fantasy Virgin" since opening day of FantasySharks.com. That particular date? It was September 12, 2002 when my first article was published on this site. It has been a great ride ever since.