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Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Week 1

Our conscripts gathered the anchor and we shoved off on an unbeknownst journey.  All strange things relevant will be fair game and the weather was bright and sunny.  But this be the ocean of Fantasy Football lads, there be mines, shoals, and … no pun intended … sharks!  Arrgghhh!  How did we fair this week?  The answer is just over the horizon.

Week 1 Is Too Damn Unpredictable

Did anyone watch the Sunday debut of NFL Countdown on ESPN?  Well, everyone gets up there and talks about football and you know what?  All that talk is entertaining but manly football games were never settled with words! It’s the reason why they play the games.  This is no longer the preseason and most pundits will talk a convincing game.  An example of this unpredictability can be found in the game survivor or eliminator.  The rules are simple enough.  Just pick the winner that week and you can only pick a team once for the whole year.  And everyone I know chose Miami to be triumphant over the Houston Texans.  Did anyone learn from last year?  The Texans defeated the Dallas Cowboys on opening weekend and 75% of the pool was gone in the first week.  You see, people do learn!  This year only 50% of the survivor pool bowed out after choosing Miami!  Ouch!  The five picks on ESPN’s NFL Countdown were Miami three times, the Patriots, and the Panthers.  I think the eliminator is done for that show because only one did survive week one and that was just barely.  The marketing personnel only used those snappy survivor graphics once.  Their denouement is what week one is like in the NFL.  Much of the same can probably be said about your team’s performance.  Sometimes the result of your choices indicates you will have it or maybe not that week.

You Either Have It Or You Don’t

Did you choose wisely?  The answer is that you did only if you won.  If you lost and your bench did fine, you chose unwisely.  But everything is not real.  Great players will perform so moving away from the very best team is likened to pushing a string.  You just stay in one spot thinking about how you got here and why the moves did not work that week.  Overall, you can spot in the league the real loser teams that may not ever put it together.  As for myself, I could only muster a Sunday night win and those are worth nothing.

The Sunday Night Win

You see, it is really a dark tale to tell my friend.  In order to get ahead of the game, standings and results are posted on Sunday night for everyone in the league.  Even if the team you are playing has a player still yet to play on Monday Night Football. Oh, the cruel irony.  Your team is shown as winning and all the while its nothing but an incomplete result.  The Sunday night win is fragile.  And Sunday night I was winning by 13 points with Keyshawn Johnson set to go against a 13-point deficit.  All Sunday Night wins feel premature if your opponent has 1 or more players playing Monday Night. 

The First Mine In The Harbor

I thought we avoided that first mine, the gentleman in the crow’s nest hollered.  But its got a Monday Night Life and its coming back for more!  With each pass, caught by Keyshawn, the gap is closing.   And then it happens, near the end, Keyshawn catches the sixth pass for his 83rd yard.  The mathematician says 6(for 6 catches) + 8(for 83 yards/10) equal 14 and this spells out L-O-S-E-R for the first week. Even one point losses do mark us as a direct hit with a mine.  The hole that tore into me bow just out of port is fixable but all losses are equal, whether you lose by 1 point or 101.  A loss is a loss is a loss.  But, oh what I would do for two more points.  The first mine just out into the harbor glances me ship and we are slowed down but not completely out.

What?  We Lost By One Point?

The cruel irony is that the bench had the two extra points, but the combination did not make the winning sum.  The same randomness will exist next week and the same 20/20 hindsight can be applied.  What can be learned here?  The brain will just start identifying random events and treating them as real.  For example, the craziest part is that I had Tommy Maddox and my opponent had Hines Ward.  For every touchdown that Tommy Maddox had to Hines Ward, I received 3 points and Hines received 6.  Hey! It takes two to tango, you know?  Why is it nobler that the WR receive the 6 points when it was the QB that got the ball to the right spot at the right time!  I really think there is a soul searching and languishing entry in the Captain’s Log for this week.

Captain’s Log – 09-08-2003 – 11:30 PM

We have barely shoved off and the crew is not performing as best they can.  Both of the mates labeled as WR had a total of three catches for 34 yards while trying to swab the deck.  That is not worth the water they clean with.  The salty brine of the sea has already tweaked their melon.  They were “A” rated WR’s and if I let them go, the rest of the team may have mutiny on their mind.  Too many people are trying to pull their own load and all I want is for them to play their own game.   How can I tell them that two points more would have been a victory?  They are separate entities summing their efforts at the end.  All they know is that someone uses their offense for points and bragging rights.  It is a wicked game we play and the tales of serpents and sharks in the water I believe now to be all too real.  I will alter the work plans this week and we may have to add a player at the nearest port.  We have to make it this weekend or else the mine that we already hit may have a friend for my bow. Navigation is tough when everyone is not up to snuff.  All I can say is Arrgghh and we’ll be on the lookout for the next obstacle this upcoming week.

Master D.

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