Now I know you’ve experienced this before. That annoying coworker that eats your last donut, that nerdishly energetic friend-of-a-friend who thinks he’s the life of the party, the donkus who robs a gas station and leaves his ID on the counter. Many a moron qualifies as “that guy.” I almost feel like “that guy” by even bringing up “that guy.” “Hey man, don’t be ‘that guy’… deedeeedeee.”
When it comes to fantasy football, you DO NOT want to be “that guy.” Most of us in the fantasy football community, including veterans, newbies, heroes and homers, get this. However, every year beginning as early as draft day, “that guy” rears his ugly head and leaves us scratching ours. Sometimes tragic, sometimes serendipitous, yet always hilarious, someone at your fantasy football draft will defy all logic and the very fabric of the universe and take “Mr. Hold Out for a New Contract” or that older player who has had more reconstructive surgery than Robocop. Ask the jokester who took Chris Johnson with his first pick or
Peyton Manning with, well, any pick. This quick guide to avoiding mystifyingly stupid decisions can help you ace your draft without being remembered as “that guy” who took
Michael Vick with the first overall pick (Mathew Berry).
Classic Drafting with “that guy”
“That guy” is always targeting someone he has a man crush on and is not afraid to spend a top pick to get him. Sometimes there are issues with “that guy’s” computer connection, he forgot the draft date altogether or he blew it off for a Kiss reunion concert and has his little brother drafting for him, again all of which is vintage “that guy.” The most telling “that guy” move is the reach. It’s splendidly uncouth how this reach move is either for an unproven rookie or a geriatric injury-riddled fading star. That guy in my league last year took
Julio Jones in the third round and went on to take
Hines Ward with his very next pick. Here is a list of players “that guy” is eyeing in the first few rounds of this year’s draft.
Aaron Hernandez (because “that other guy” took Rob Gronkowski with the sixth overall pick)
Look for Value
One of the trademarks of “that guy” is reaching for a rotten apple when low hanging fruit is right in his/her face. As I will talk strategy later, the most important thing is finding value.
Jimmy Graham was an awesome value in the eighth round last year, but not worth a third-round pick this year. I’m going to come out and say it, but if you spend your second pick on Rob Gronkowski, you need a full-frontal lobotomy. The same thing goes for anyone spending that high pick on a quarterback.
The point is, you only play one of each and there is plenty of value at quarterback and tight end toward the later rounds. Know the game. Spend your first few picks on the positions you need two or three bodies at. Then if there is a later run on running backs before your turn, buck the trend by taking the guy that slipped during that run. Get the guy that has a history of finishing the season. Forget about guys you were targeting or guys from “your team” which hasn’t won a playoff game since Kirstie Alley was attractive. It’s not about your plan. It’s about planning for chaos.
Matt Ryan (Rounds 7-8) –
The Atlanta Falcons are becoming a pass-first team with Roddy White and Julio Jones, and Michael turner isn’t getting any younger.
Matt Schaub (Rounds 9-10) –
Texans will again dominate the AFC South. Even coming off an injury, this is too far back for a 5,000-yard passer to fall.
Stevie Johnson (Rounds 5-6) –
The Buffalo Bills are actually spending money. He is one of the most talented receivers in the league.
Fred Davis (Rounds 6-7) –
Robert Griffin is going to feed the ball to his tight end in pressure situations, and the Redskins are notorious for lack of offensive line depth. Monster season on tap.
Coby Fleener (Rounds 11-12)
“Luck to Fleener on the outside.” You will get tired of hearing this by October.
Jacob Tamme (Rounds 12-13),
Much like Fleener, Tamme is reunited with a No. 1 draft pick quarterback by Indianapolis. Denver finally gets a tight end threat.
Cam Newton (Rounds 1-2) –
Five quarterbacks have won Rookie of the Year in the past eight seasons. NONE went on to have a better sophomore season statistically.
Drew Brees (Rounds 1-2) –
With the New Orleans Saints in turmoil and contract issues abound, don’t expect anywhere near a repeat performance. Too rich for my blood.
Maurice Jones-Drew (Rounds 1-2) –
A prolific runner, Jones-Drew has rushed 954 times in the past three seasons, the most in the NFL. Too risky considering every preseason there’s a knee scare.
Andre Johnson (Rounds 1-2
) – Is this the year he finally stays healthy? Want to waste a high pick and find out?
Brandon Marshall (Rounds 2-3) –
He was just traded and is already getting into trouble. Lots of mouths for Jay Cutler to feed, including the other team’s secondary.
Just don’t take a TE before Round 4.
(See Jacksonville Jaguars)
Play the Market
The best tactic in any draft is playing the market. Buy-low, sell-high and listen to your gut; unless you are that guy. That guy’s gut tells him to pick
Michael Vick so he can name his team “The Dawg Pound.” You have to outsmart that guy and pick up on his vulnerabilities so you can fleece him for that sweet trade down the road.
Think Gordon Gekko!
“Find me your troubled assets, your distressed properties. Lunch is for losers” … whatever that means. This is a family website, so I can’t give you any good Gekko quotes.
Now get out there and draft a winner!