Monday - Apr 22, 2019

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Drinking, The Judges from Chopped and Putin

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 1950s (Who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob …), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for more than 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45-point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well-cultured take on the NFL. The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Tom Walls because “typingBZZT … is a dame’s job.”

Apologies to my fans everywhere. Last week I had to tape a week’s worth of shows as a guest judge on Chopped. Taping was on a Thursday, and I was going to write this sludge after the taping, but I took Alex Guarnaschelli and Amanda Frietag out for some Vesper martinis after the show. One thing led to another, and the next thing we knew it … BZZT … was Saturday afternoon. We somehow ended up near the United Nations in New York City, drinking craft beer and booked for a personal audience with Vladimir Putin.

I honestly don’t remember Friday at all, but those are the best weekends, aren’t they? You end up as a guest judge on Chopped, go … BZT … on a drinking binge with two other judges not named Marc Murphy and end up singing karaoke with Putin at a dive bar on the lower East side.

Who’s going to challenge the New England Patriots (I mean, besides Roger Goodell)? They’ve had slow starts in the past, almost as if they weren’t interested until mid-October; but that DeflateGate stuff seems to have them pretty angry, eh? Coach Bill Belichick is definitely a Sith.

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Josh Huff and … BZT … Golden Tate have both said that opposing teams were calling out their plays. Is this the new way of saying that your coach’s playcalling stinks … without saying that their playcalling stinks? I wonder what the equivalent is for working drones who disagree with their horrible bosses? I’ve never worked for another being in my entire life, so I have no bleeping idea. I’ll have to ask Amanda Freitag next time we have some drinks.

I love the new divisional rivals only format for Thursday Night Football, but Jim Nantz and Phil Simms?!?!?! Come on, they kill my bleeping soul. I was thinking of adding a section of stupid quotes by Simms, but that’s what Twitter is for.

By the way – here’s how to make a Vesper martini, lifted right from this same column from 2004 “Three parts Gin, one part vodka, ½ part Lillet Blonde, and a lemon peel … BZZZT … oh my.”

So long, and remember – showgirls and gin, my friends – Showgirls and BZZZZT gin.

About Bet Bot

nitially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 1950s (Who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob …), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life. The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45-point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well-cultured take on the NFL. The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Tom Walls because “typing … BZZT … is a dame’s job.”