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DIARY OF A FANTASY VIRGIN: Week 13

Week 13 is the final regular season game in my fantasy football league. And in a fantasy football league first, for this writer and probably the first in fantasy football history, I will not know the outcome of my week before this article is posted. Why? Because my opponent has three players in the Baltimore/Pittsburgh game which has been postponed since Thanksgiving. This means I thought I would have known my outcome by now but I will not know. My opponent has to score 39 points with wide receiver Chase Claypool and kicker Chris Boswell. But my opponent has other options for this game and it is wide open as to what the results could be.

And you thought Triskaidekaphobia was made up? I am more fearful of Week 13 now more than ever. For the first time in fantasy football, two fantasy football week outcomes will be decided in six calendar days. Oh, the Covid-19 fantasy football humanity. But we have to keep going and so we do. These six days will decide whether or not I am in first place and earn a bye but odds are in my favor for me to earn a well-deserved east division championship in my two-division, 10-team league.

If you go in the way-back-mobile to let the season begin, I picked 10th in my draft, took wide receiver Michael Thomas and quarterback Drew Brees for my first two picks, and was declared ineffective for my draft class. Au contraire mon frère draft auto-bot writing about my future fantasy football performance for 2020. Nothing is quite right, is it?

So now you have to win to get in. How can you play it? I now have four techniques to try and win. Use these or some combination and you should be good to go.

Four Times a Roster

There are four ways to win your week during this Covid-19 environment:

  1. Play your opponent on the same teams if you have a player on the same team. If Patrick Mahomes is your opponent’s quarterback, play wide receiver Tyreek Hill if you have him. When Patrick Mahomes throws a touchdown to Hill you effectively nullify their quarterback.
  2. Play your opponent in the game itself. Let us say your opponent is starting Carolina and New Orleans players. If you have players on the same teams play them as well. In this way hopefully, the time split between the players is uneven in your favor. This happens all the time between wide receiver DK Metcalf and wide receiver Tyler Lockett. They split points unevenly.
  3. Acquire every free agent you can when waiver wires open. Stick the hot player on Injured Reserve. Then 10 minutes before the game starts drop the player(s) to bring your roster under approved rules (depending on your league rules). In this way, your opponent did not get that player and you are not subject to last-minute luck.
  4. Runaway and play your own game. I have found that this ends up being the most normal way to win. Because you can ultimately second guess yourself from the other three ways.

But I await the outcome of this week. So I just cross my fingers and hope for the best.

Dear Diary

The holidays used to be filled with holiday parties. These happened at work in the form of pizza parties, lunch outings and company-sponsored events. I bring terrible news. Because of Covid-19, it seems like a faraway distant memory. I know I sound like a broken record but all of Connecticut went to mandatory work from home on March 16 and we have been working from home ever since. This may sound ridiculous but I actually remember my last commuting day with the same clarity as Sept. 10, 2001, and the months before the events of the next day because so much changed subsequently.

I remember the last time I went to our favorite restaurant and saw our regular waitress “Sher-Bear.” I remember what my wife and I ate. I wonder when we will get back to that restaurant (they are just doing takeout) and see her again? I wonder if she found another job? God forbid I wonder if she is still alive? Your quarantine mind runs away as you are probably aware of. As more time passes I just hope I will see her again. And when I do I may cry a little. Just a little.

This pattern repeats for all of the people I used to see before Covid-19.

Here’s to Hot Mess Holidays 2020. Bring it on.

Master D.

Tim Davoll can now be reached at tdavoll@fantasysharks.comand welcomes your opinions on the “Diary of a Fantasy Virgin” articles.

About Tim Davoll

Author of the Weekly Series "Diary of a Fantasy Virgin" since opening day of FantasySharks.com. That particular date? It was September 12, 2002 when my first article was published on this site. It has been a great ride ever since.