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DIARY OF A FANTASY VIRGIN: Week 17

Merry Christmas everyone! This article will drop on Dec. 24 and in homage to Clement C. Moore … it ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas when you could read this tome and all through the house … well you know the rest so let us trundle on. Welcome to fantasy football end stories. In this article in my diary entry I am taking on the 1954 Irving Berlin’s White Christmas movie. So buckle up your seats. Week 17 is all about what happened Week 16 and Christmas in action. What comes first is how it was won.

How It Was Won

The team Heavy D. and my good friend Irve (golfer) played late acquisition quarterback Ryan Tannehill along with wide receiver Kenny Golladay, wide receiver Michael Thomas (the reason for the winning season) and kicker Nick Folk to win the championship of the Husky Blue Football League. Listen virgins, I love all of the players in this league like my family. For the most part we have been doing this since 2002. I appreciate everyone and we are lucky enough when someone dies … like “Doc” we find another. So congratulations to Irv and Heavy D. He defeated another great fantasy football dude in P-Men. Phil has been there at the end many times. So it is on to next year for Husky Blue fantasy football. Now it is crazy diary time and the Davoll breaks down Irving Berlin’s White Christmas, something I actually know as much about as fantasy football.

This diary entry is about all things Christmas. Most importantly Irving Berlin and his contribution to White Christmas in 1954 is in scope today.

Dear Diary

Merry Christmas to all fantasy virgins and others alike and do not worry. This part of the article will go through the Super Bowl. But we need to address a particular zenith in American Culture with it being Dec. 24. I honestly do believe that Clement C. Moore wrote ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas. If there is controversy about that, what do we have? I sincerely hope you enjoy the interpretation of Irving Berlin’s White Christmas. Let’s do this.

Yikes! To take on such a task is easy. Watch the show 20 or 30 times which I easily have done and then write about it, right? Well let’s do this my friends. I am going to interpret Irving Berlin’s White Christmas in this next portion of the proceedings. Here we go.

Irving Berlin was 5 years old when he found out that he was an American. Generally speaking, it appears that the Russians in 1902-ish were so oppressive it afforded several Jewish families to find themselves in New York City. What was it like living in this section of New York known as the Jewish slums? Rudyard Kipling noted that his visit to this area was worse than Bombay, India. Take that America. This is where Irving Berlin grew up. But I am on to his White Christmas movie when he was 65 years old. He had already written God Bless America which I know as being played at the seventh inning of every baseball game. Heck, Irving Berlin lived to be 101 so this is early-ish in his career. George Gershwin referred to Irving Berlin as America. So let us deal with White Christmas in Acts. This is going to be a fun ride for fans of this movie. Let us go.

This is how the move goes.

Opening Scene: Entertainment. Irving Berlin’s White Christmas is being sung by Captain Bob Wallace (Bing Crosby) on Christmas day in 1944. They are mourning the loss of their two-star General Waverly, who is retiring. General Waverly and Joe, his first man work the new general. This is two years after White Christmas was released and became the No. 1 Christmas song of all time … until All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey … but come on! Let us keep this going. The 151st infantry division is moving up near the front line in World War 2 in a bombed out European city.

ACT I: The Formation of Wallace And Davis

Just after the frivolity of the situation there is a fire-fight and the inestimable Captain Wallace finds himself under a falling wall. Private Phil Davis (Danny Kaye) saves Bob from certain death and ends up in the hospital tent. Bob visits him and Phil says he has a number that can be done by two. Throwing his chicken wing arm out there results in Wallace and Davis being a team. A montage ensues and Wallace and Davis have catapulted themselves to the top of the entertainment scene. They are BOFO in print according to the headlines but they are entering the Christmas holiday with their team ready for a long break. Time off.

The beginning of this Act: General Waverly is being supplanted (note this for end)

The end of this Act: Wallace and Davis are a huge hit 10 years later and their last act before the holiday is in Florida.

ACT II: A Favor for Benny Haynes 10 Years After the War

Bob insists on seeing the Haynes sisters in Florida while they are there. There is much banter about marriage and children but in the end they go. And Betty Haynes (Rosemary Clooney) and Judy Haynes (Vera Ellen) put on a on song show about sisters. The spark is there. Phil Davis can dance as he does with Vera Ellen and Bob Wallace can sing which is what Betty can quite do as well. Note: Rosemary Clooney sang both Vera Ellen and her part. She was just off by a ½ octave in order to make it sound different.

The beginning of this Act: A Favor for Benny Haynes

The end of this Act: An outrageous recreation of the Sisters Act by Bob and Phil … very entertaining

ACT III: Off to Snowy Vermont with Betty and Judy

Bob and Phil are off and it just so happens they find themselves off to Vermont and the Pine Tree Inn. But getting there from Florida to Vermont takes time.

The beginning of this Act: Phil Davis gave Betty and Judy his tickets with a room

The end of this Act: Everyone is heading to Vermont to Pine Tree to see the snow.

ACT IV: 64 Degrees? No Snow? General Waverly?

Arrival in Vermont finds the Haynes sisters along with Bob Wallace and Phil Davis hired by the Pine Tree Inn proprietor to sing the Sisters song. That proprietor just so happens to be General Waverly from the opening scene in the movie!

The beginning of this Act: Wallace and Davis divert their plans to go to Vermont

The end of this Act: The owner of the Pine Tree Inn is General George Waverly

ACT V: Bring the Wallace & Davis Act to Pine Tree for Rehearsals

So Bob and Phil come up with the idea of instead of practicing in New York they can bring the act to Vermont. They fill up the Pine Tree Inn on their own dime and give something to General Waverly. But it is not enough.

The beginning of this Act: Large amounts of stage setting for a barn

The end of this Act: Wallace and Davis feel as they should do more

ACT VI: A Special Request for the 151st infantry Division

This is where love stories between Betty and Bob go awry and Phil proposes to Judy as a fake marriage proposal and it gets out of whack. Meanwhile Bob is talking to Ed Harrison to do a favor for General Waverly. All goes South and Bob falls off of his horse and the original four are down to three. But Bob executes an excellent request for Christmas day appearances to Pine Tree for the 151st while Phil fakes an injury to prevent the General from watching the very show Bob Wallace is asking for everyone to see the General in Pine Tree.

The beginning of the Act: Ask the Ed Harrison show to help out a friend in the Army on Christmas Day.

The end of the Act: Betty realizes that she went to NYC for no reason and she has to come back to Pine Tree (Oh there is this whole love misunderstanding … forced writing)

ACT VII: Surprise!

Well, wouldn’t you know that roughly 100 or so members of the 151st arrive at Pine Tree for the debut of Fooling Around by Wallace and Davis. For some reason, General Waverly is oblivious to this cacophony of people entering his establishment and cannot find his suit. His granddaughter suggests he wear his military uniform. Well he does and when he enters the room he sees the 151st division along with Joe from the first scene the result is waterworks. This is one of the greatest call-backs in the history of writing. As a result you should be crying like a baby when they reprise the “We’ll follow the old man” song from the beginning, especially when they get to the part “Because we Love Him…we love him.”

The beginning of the Act: Pine Tree is doubly booked!

The end of the Act: General Waverly is notified that it is snowing … all is saved!

Final Scene: It is Snowing and everyone is singing Irving Berlin’s White Christmas. A perfect end to a wonderful movie about Christmas. The song is sung twice and it is just perfect in every way. Phew! I am glad to be back on to football playoffs next week.

Be safe everyone and Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Master D.

Tim Davoll can now be reached at tdavoll@fantasysharks.com and welcomes your opinions on the “Diary of a Fantasy Virgin” articles.

About Tim Davoll

Author of the Weekly Series "Diary of a Fantasy Virgin" since opening day of FantasySharks.com. That particular date? It was September 12, 2002 when my first article was published on this site. It has been a great ride ever since.