Saturday - Jan 19, 2019

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Hello Again

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 1950s (Who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob …), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for more than 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45-point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by dantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well-cultured take on the NFL. The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing … BZZT … is a dame’s job.”

Hello

Hello Again

Hello

Hello Again

– The Cars

A gentleman never talks about the women in his history. That’s one of the immutable laws of life. And a law I’ve never broken. I’m about to break that law. Why? Because I just ran into a woman who I introduced into maturity, into the summer of her life.

The scene – 1984, New York City. The occasion – the hot new band The Cars were filming a video for their upcoming release ‘Hello Again.’ I was an on-again, off-again friend of
Andy Warhol
(it’s not easy to be an acquaintance of genius), and he was asked to … BZZT … co-direct the video. The set of the video was a crazy scene, all sorts of shenanigans occurred, and I’ve sworn myself to silence for most of the insanity. Take a look at the video
here. To say that there was a lot of experimenting (with everything) would be putting it mildly.

A certain someone caught my eye. She was being asked to stick her tongue out with five Alpha-Bits which spelled out the word “HELLO” (if you watched the video, you’d have seen it). I could tell immediately, she was dynamic. I had to meet her. I’ll cut to the chase, we had many sessions of sweet over the next 20 years, truly a … BZZT … special woman. Her name?
Gina Gershon
, you might have heard of her.
Showgirls, anyone?
Bound, perhaps? Yeah – she’s as wonderful as you think she would be. Sigh … Aging stinks. Luckily, I don’t have to worry about that. I’m an immortal robot.

It’s a new NFL season … Hello again.

NFC

Tampa Bay managed to lose against the New York Jets. As I wrote in my last column, it’s a make-or-break year for
Josh Freeman. I have no confidence in him. You do not lose that game against the Jets. Unforgiveable. The New Orleans-Atlanta game was very enjoyable. Both teams scored points, but what impressed me most was the pressure the Saints put on
Matt Ryan. I don’t know if it’s sustainable, but if it is, I love my pick of the Saints over the Falcons in that divisional race.

The Chicago Bears can’t take the first half off in games where the opposing coach isn’t
Marvin Lewis.

Serial preener
Clay Matthews
had a questionable hit on
Colin Kaepernick
in the first half of the San Francisco-Green Bay game. The play was close, and rightly called a penalty. Coach
Jim Harbaugh
has been pressing, loudly, for late hit penalties when Kaepernick gets hit. Maybe he’s right, I’m not arguing that – but good gosh – is there a bigger crybaby than Harbaugh? He makes soccer weenies look like The Black Knight from Monty Python. It’s distracting. Yes, Harbaugh somewhat pokes fun at himself in endless commercials, but so what? Calm down, Jimmy Boy, OK? You look like a child.

It must be infuriating to be on the Minnesota Vikings, and not be named
Christian Ponder.

AFC

I guess the word is out on the
Mark Sanchez
shoulder surgery. Well, it’s the best thing that could have happened to him and the New York Jets in this situation. They can cash in on whatever injury insurance they have, he can still get paid, and he doesn’t have to play. That last part is the key, because he’s not very good.

On the other hand, I did watch
Geno Smith
look pretty raw last night against New England. I took great pleasure in hearing Mike Mayock ask with exasperation for Marty Mornhinweg to run the ball. Now why would we want to help the rookie out?

Here’s an idea, Cleveland; give the ball to
Trent Richardson. It’s like the Browns don’t understand that
Brandon Weeden
is the weak link over there. “Well, he’s the franchise quarterback and I guess we …” so … BZZT … so stupid.

I appreciate how we can turn a bleeping awful penalty on the San Diego Chargers into a narrative about
Philip Rivers. Seriously, it’s his fault that the referees are … BZZT… incompetent?

I’m keeping an eye on
Terrelle Pryor. You know how I can’t resist a quarterback who can run the ball. Oakland looks like a complete trash can fire, but there is value in those garbage time stats.

I was all ready to complain that
Fred Jackson
was stealing too many carries from
C.J. Spiller, but then I watched the game. If Spiller is going to bring 2.4 yards per carry to the table, we should stop complaining that Jackson is getting the ball. Seriously Spiller, get your act together.

FanDuel Sunday Double Up Line Up

Fantasy Sharks has partnered up with
FanDuel this season, and some of us will be participating in a few different contests. I’ve decided to go for easy money in the Sunday Double Up contest. Basically, I bet some money that I can pick better week-to-week fantasy players (with a fictional salary cap) than half the jamokes in the contest with me. Like I said, easy money.

Here’s a rundown of my team with some key comments (team lineup may change with injury news post publication of this column) … Hmm, I really like this lineup, I may enter it in the $100,000 Week 1 Sunday Bomb Contest!

QB –
Carson Palmer

RB –Reggie Bush

RB –
LeSean McCoy

WR –Harry Douglas – he’ll be reaping the rewards while Roddy White tries to get back to 100 percent.

WR –
Randall Cobb

WR –
Anquan Boldin – He’s earned Colin Kapernick’s trust, and he’s still relatively cheap.

TE –
Jordan Cameron – His cap number is remains low.

K –
Randy Bullock

D – Philadelphia
– I don’t trust the Chargers for a 1 p.m. East Coast game.

So long for now, and remember, “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and … BZZT … gin.”

About Fantasy Sharks

FantasySharks.com began in 2003, disseminating fantasy football content on the web for free. It is, or has been, home to some of the most talented and best known fantasy writers on the planet. Owned and operated by Tony Holm (5 time Fantasy Sports Writer Association Hall-of-Fame nominee,) Tony started writing fantasy content in 1993 for the only three fantasy football web sites in existence at the time.