Thursday - Mar 21, 2019

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Hoffa’s Heroes

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing.. .BZZT… is a dame’s job”.

My first encounter with
Jimmy Hoffa

was late 1962, I was being reconditioned at a General Motors plant in Flint, MI. Jimmy was there negotiating a new contract with the brass there. I instantly…BZT… recognized a smart, charismatic man who wouldn’t take no for an answer. Lots of moxie, and those are qualities I respect.

It wasn’t easy being friendly with Hoffa, especially given my friendship with
Jack Kennedy
. I stayed neutral and remained friends with both men.

Hoffa represented working men in a time when working men were being trampled by corporations. I respected the work he did for the working man. He employed tough tactics because they were necessary. I can’t really call the NFLRA a true union. NFL referees are by-and-large men who are very successful in their chosen professions. These negotiations weren’t about life and death; they were rich men fighting for more icing on their…BZZZT…cakes. I can’t equate what the referees wanted with what working men were struggling for a couple decades back. Still, the referees are back, and screwing calls up to a somewhat lesser degree than the ‘scab’ refs.  The best thing about the situation is we can stop hearing about it now – the NFL referees are all richer than you, and they thank you for making them richer still by giving them attention.  They are still better than the MLB umpires, though, who are legitimately incompetent and work with even greater impunity.


After watching the Thursday game, I have no earthly idea how the Cardinals started 4-0 with
Kevin Kolb
playing behind that offensive line.  It’s not just the schedule, either – they played good defenses in Seattle and Philadelphia and still won those games.  But watching St. Louis’ defensive linemen running free in the Arizona backfield made me weep for
Larry Fitzgerald
.  I mean, if I could cry, which I can’t.  On account that I’m a robot.

Atlanta plays at Washington this weekend. I’m interested to see how the Falcons play outside, but the Falcons are a superior team offensively.

will do some damage against the Falcons defense, but the Falcons will win in a high scoring affair. Speaking of the Redskins, Mike Shanahan endorsed
Alfred Morris
. Be nervous, Alfred Morris owners, be very nervous. This surely means
Evan Royster’s
going to get  some serious reps soon.

The Niners should be ashamed of beating up on a helpless infant like that last Sunday.

How will the Giants react to their loss in Philadelphia? This game against the lowly Browns screams TRAP to me with the Niners on deck next week.

Speaking of which – heck of a game between the Eagles and Giants last week.  One thing is a problem here, and I must bring it up – the Eagles have won their three games by a combined four points.  They finally put their turnover problem to bed, but now the “Reid” style end zone problems start up again.  Very frustrating to watch a professional football team unable to run a simple dive or lead play when they need a yard.

Oh, and we must discuss Andy Reid’s ham-handed attempt to ice
Lawrence Tynes 

at the end of the game.  Now, normally Reid squanders his timeouts well before the end of the game, so he hasn’t had many opportunities to look this foolish.  And it turned out well because the Giants apparently don’t have someone who can kick the ball 52 yards, even though it is 2012. Nevertheless, this will go down in the pantheon of Reid’s greatest blunders, which is saying something given his well-documented time management gaffes.

AFC Notes

— I warned you about the New York Jets, I really did.  I took some heat after the first week but the fact is that you cannot compete in the NFL without a competent QB, and the Jets don’t have one. Losing
Darrelle Revis
was certainly a blow, but it’s obvious that  the offense is holding this team back yet again. My favorite part of this is crazy New York fans calling for
Tim Tebow
, because he is 10 times worse than
Mark Sanchez

As I predicted,
Troy Polamalu

James Harrison
are expected to return for this week’s game against Philadelphia.  This is big news, because the Steelers defense has a great reputation but have been pretty darn bad this season – giving up 30+ points twice in three games, and sacking the QB a measly five times.  I bet some chump in your league took them in the 8th round.

FYI – the Titans have given up 151 points already this season.  In fairness, they have faced some seriously good offenses to this point but come on guys, put up a bleepin’ fight!

Is it proper to call the Bills a tease? I think so. Even though they are from Buffalo and nobody honestly expects them to be competitive, they did a big splash in free agency this year, primarily signing
Mario Williams

. Wait, wasn’t I saying all off-season that he would be a non-factor? Word is, he’s slowed by a wrist injury, whatever that means.  You know what a defensive end should do for a wrist injury? Stretch it out by pulling on the quarterback’s face. What a waste.

Meanwhile, Mario’s old defense, the Houston Texans, are currently sporting the stingiest points allowed (56) in the NFL. I hope that the performance of Houston’s defense leads to another head coaching offer for
Wade Phillips

, primarily because Wade Phillips is a bumbling fool as a head coach and poking fun at him makes writing this article much easier. It would be like having two
Romeo Crennel
’s in the league.

Speaking of Romeo – how did he get another shot as a head coach?  I must know how these things happen. Is it his roly-poly demeanor? Does he have a self-deprecating sense of humor that makes everyone like him? Is he still basking in the glow of once serving as the guy who called in
Bill Belichick

’s defensive plays? Because it certainly has nothing to do with ability. Kansas City is an absolute disaster, and on the short list for the #1 pick come next spring. That would be perfect, actually – giving them the chance to finally draft a quarterback and jettison the carcass of
Matt Cassel
, who had that one good season a while ago.

San Diego beat the Chiefs using someone called
Jackie Battle

.  Battle, whose name seems out of place in a box score but would fit in perfectly in a comic book panel, vultured two TDs from
Ryan Mathews
. However, not as many coaches will be as petty and pock-marked as
Norv Turner

so I recommend all systems are GO this season when you have a player up against KC.

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”

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