Sunday - Feb 17, 2019

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Just Another Roundup

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing.. .BZZT… is a dame’s job”.

“The horror…” –
Marlon Brando
playing as Colonel Kurtz in
Apocalypse Now

I was in the Philippines with
Francis Ford Coppola
, Brando (that’s what I’ve always called Marlon Brando) and
Martin Sheen
for the filming of Apocalypse Now. If you look closely you can see me in the background of the documentary made of the filming of that movie ,
Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse.

Brando, Coppola, Sheen and I were good friends and since they were all making the film together, they told me to come along. If you’ve seen the documentary, you know how challenging the filming was. Nothing went right, it was a trying time for all. As I look at the Philadelphia Eagles’ season, I’m reminded of both movies.

Any NFL team has their share of mini-disasters during the season (injuries)…But when you couple that with inept management – you get a season like the Eagles this year. Andy Reid reminds me of both
Colonel Kurtz
(out of his depths, driven to madness and frustration) & Brando (out of shape and unprepared). As I’ve written before, the Eagles…BZZZZT… collapse has been spectacular to watch. Unfortunately for Eagles fans, the season has been nowhere near as entertaining as either movie.

NFC Notes

Ndamukong Suh’s
been having a rough couple of weeks, eh? As I wrote last week, he’s a horrible, horrible liar. When you injure other folks who aren’t your family or entourage in your own car – they won’t lie for you. That’s an important lesson for you Mr. Suh.

Jason Garrett
iced his own kicker. Somewhere
Mike Shanahan
is applauding, “Well played Mr. Garrett, well played.”

Steve Spagnuolo
will likely be calling the defensive plays for the Eagles next season. Right now, he’s not a very good head coach.

I suggest that
Donovan McNabb
move to Las Vegas and start a business selling marble. I need a new bleeping sink, Superfive.

Alex Smith
was playing subpar competition Sunday, but I like that he made the needed plays to win. The Niners may actually win a game in the playoffs this year. But that’s it.

I guess
Jay Cutler
was pretty important, eh? Of course the Bears are really screwed now with
Matt Forte
out, it’s too bad, I liked their defense’s moxy.

AFC Notes

It looks like
Chris Johnson
decided to finally score some fantasy points. Too bad his owners are already out of the playoffs and burning him in effigy.  This is why I coined the phrase “too little, too late.”  Oh, you were already familiar with that.  Looks like my plan worked.

Houston is making a big playoff push, which just goes to show that
Wade Phillips
is a genius.  Now remember, he’s only a genius when he’s coaching the defense.  He has no abilities worth mentioning as a head coach. Everyone got that?  Good.  So really he’s not a genius, he’s just a good defensive coach.  We clear on this?

Andre Johnson
, hurt again.  He pulled his labia.  I don’t mean to make fun but there are owners out there that paid a high draft choice for a lot of no-shows this year.  More no-shows than the mob.  And to the puss n’boots out there like
Arian Foster
– too bad.  You don’t get paid a ton of cash to play ball because we love you.  You get paid a ton of cash to play ball so we can draft you in fantasy and gamble on your games.  Don’t like it?  Dig ditches for all I care.  Or be a microbiologist, if you are so inclined.  I will wager on the next guy.

Tim Tebow
is winning, which has resulted in an over-emphasis on his ability from the writers out there who have a story to sell.  Yes, I’m looking at you. Loving this success, especially how story writers are making it to be more than it really is (bad QB vs. bad defense.)  Enjoy it while it lasts. There’s nothing like a frothing sweat-man with a mic in his hand.  Or even better, a tubby wordsmith who can’t count to 10.  Love those guys.

Think I lack clarity on the issue?  I do not.  Remember
Bobby Hoying
?

John Fox
, ridiculously overrated.  How this guy is riding high while
Andy Reid
fights for his job is beyond me.  I mean. other than the fact that both of those humps should be fired immediately.

THIS WEEK IN MORE TEBOW

Say Denver makes it to the AFC championship game, basically because there are like two good teams in the AFC and Tebow pulls something off a la
Mark Sanchez
the last couple years.  And let’s say Denver is playing the Patriots.  And let’s say that the Patriots die in a freak toxic gas spill during practice that week.  Not just a couple guys, but all of them.  Nasty stuff. Brady, Belichick, Welker – gone.  Do we chalk this up to Tebow’s ability?  That is, if Tim Tebow has the ability to win games due to traits we cannot measure, is it not possible for him to decimate the other team prior to a big game?  If he is able to elevate the play of his defensive teammates, would he not also be able to gas out New England?   Maybe that’s going too far.  

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”

About Fantasy Sharks

FantasySharks.com began in 2003, disseminating fantasy football content on the web for free. It is, or has been, home to some of the most talented and best known fantasy writers on the planet. Owned and operated by Tony Holm (5 time Fantasy Sports Writer Association Hall-of-Fame nominee,) Tony started writing fantasy content in 1993 for the only three fantasy football web sites in existence at the time.