Monday - Oct 26, 2020

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Karma Chameleon

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing.. .BZZT… is a dame’s job”.

Karma – I used to believe in it.

However, I stopped believing in it this past week. Why? Two words – Andy Reid. Reid decimated the Eagles’ franchise. Decimated it. The cupboard is bare as far as talent goes. Reid stumbles out of Philadelphia and into an embarrassment of riches in Kansas City. The national media…BZT… will rave about the job Reid is doing in Kansas City, and mock Eagles’ fans who wanted Reid to leave, but Reid had bungled the personnel so badly – and killed the spirit of the locker room – he had to go. Reid should have left two years earlier. Good for Reid, I guess, that he’s doing so well; but he should thank whoever he worships for the incredible, undeserved luck he’s had this year.  And for Twinkies.


I need to mention Tampa Bay each week while Greg Schiano still has a job. The Buccaneers have the worst ownership in the league; Schiano has too many sins to list here. They may luck into a win off the bye versus the defensively suspect Eagles, but that should be it as their chances at wins are few and far between.

The Giants had their chance to win one last week…BZT… against the Eagles. They looked dead-eyed and tired. Eli Manning is as good as his offensive line, and his offensive line is atrocious. Giants’ fans can look forward to a top-four draft pick, they’ll have to battle the Jags and Buccaneers for the number one pick, but should be sitting high come next April. Too bad they can’t take a QB in this rich draft. They should consider moving Manning in the off-season. Someone will bite, and they can relaunch with one of the talented youngsters in next year’s draft. The Giants have been outscored by 100 points through five games. That’s 20 points per game folks! Horrendous (Yes, the Jags have been outscored by more – 112 – but they’re not really an NFL team now, are they?)

The NFC South has really collapsed, hasn’t it? I may have to review my stance on the NFC East being the worst division in football.

The Falcons keep getting knocked around. The loss of Julio Jones is a killer, especially with Roddy White slowed by injuries. Falcons fans and media have floated the idea of trading Tony Gonzalez. That says more about the fortitude of Falcons’ fans than it does about anything else. The thought is viable, not likely, but viable. Trading Gonzalez is signaling that the fans have completely given up on the year. I guess Atlanta is betting on the Thrashers and Hawks making some noise, eh?

I’m looking at an upset in Dallas. The Cowboys can’t help but have a letdown after that crushing defeat against the Broncos.


OK, so that’s settled –
Trent Richardson

is a bust, right?  Two years in the league and have you seen him make a big play?  Let me know when you see him make a big play, I’ll be on my couch, napping.  Indy has already started giving their goal line carries to Donald Brown, time to cut bait on this trash while he still has some “No. 3 overall pick” cachet.

Don’t look now, but the Jets already have three wins.  I know, I know – it’s obvious that they’re not very good.  But you can’t help but appreciate that Rex Ryan has this team playing hard right now.  Six weeks ago, they were left for dead, and rightly so.  But with the trash-can fire that is the other team in New York, the Jets are a mild success story – and we should tip our caps to this team for staying out of the line of fire. Why yes, that is damning with faint praise.

Oh, Buffalo, who will start at QB for you this week – and what will Chris Berman call him?  Will it be John “Too Tuel for School?”  Or perhaps “Thad you for the memories” Lewis?  I am going to be …BZZZTT… sick…

It pains me to see my son’s stepfather, Tom Brady, suffering with so few options to throw to in New England.  I’m not saying this crisis is going to drive Gisele back into my titanium …BZZT… arms – just that, well, Brady don’t give a damn about anything but looking good at this point.  And the more he’s flipping out on teammates for not reading his bleepin’ mind, the more I worry he’s going to bring that anger home.  Don’t mess around, Tom.  Just do NOT test me – I can be in Boston in a bleepin’ heartbeat.

I want to point out that I can get to Boston so fast on account of my private jet.  You can’t put a price on this kind of luxury. I know my dear readers look to me to provide a glimpse of the high life so let me fill you in.  Imagine you are lounging, in a full leather recliner, several thousand feet above ground.  And a curvacious stewardess just popped …BZZT… a bottle of ‘03 Dom Perignon on your command.  She’s a redhead named Holly, and you know that name is authentic. True, the champagne may not be a legitimately rare cuvee, but you are not concerned. The bubbles rise to the top of your flute like a cascade of energy, and you are quickly reminded that you have the Jets plus ten points over the Falcons. Are you kidding me – ten points? You are lightly munching on some fine swiss cheese.  If Tom Brady ever lashes out at your woman again you will cut off his fingers, just to make the point that you will not be trifled with.

What do you think about this Jacksonville-Denver game?  I don’t see how you can lay 28 points in an NFL game – but, honestly, I would never bet on the Jaguars here.  Hit me up @betbot6k and let me know.  I’m not putting any money on it but as a matter of principle I will take the points.

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Here’s a rundown of my team with some key comments (team lineup may change with injury news post publication of this column) .

QB – Tom Brady – He’ll recover.

RB – Arian Foster

RB – Trent Richardson – time for him to start paying dividends for the Colts.

WR – Keenan Allen

WR – T.Y. Hilton – I’m wary playing Allen & Hilton after their big games last week, but they are good values for me.

WR – Wes Welker – You must start at least … BZZZT…one Denver WR each week, they key is choosing the right one.

TE – Julius Thomas

K – Nick Folk

D – Minnesota – they get the Panthers at home

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”

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