Week One passed us by like a fat kid passes up a salad, but what a week it was! Well, not really. To be honest, I thought it was a boring and lackluster weekend of football. But what do I know? I am an idiot; a very tall and handsome idiot, but an idiot, nonetheless. It just seemed to me that overall, the defenses were way ahead of the offenses. As far as fantasy is concerned, there were a lot of dud performances from a lot of stud players. Perhaps, you drafted Tomlinson; I am pretty sure that you weren’t ecstatic and high fiving random drunken strangers over his 25 yards rushing. The same can be said for the other “big four” of Steven Jackson, Larry Johnson, and Frank Gore. Unfortunately, if you were rooting for offense, it wasn’t a pretty weekend of football. But, I am not here to be negative. I am a positive kind of guy, so I am here to sing the praises to the wonderful job done by the defenses league wide.
You know who else does an outstanding job; those rule breaking cheaters known as the New England Felons, er, I mean Patriots. We have proof now that
Bill Belichick is an evil man. How dare he try to do everything he can to win? If I were a Patriot fan, I would hang my head in shame for the atrocity and crimes committed against the National Football League. This is an outrage and they should be stopped before they take the innocence of another terrible team like they did the Jets. You know the team that couldn’t cover Moss with three people. Talk about your overreaction. Listen, I don’t have one problem with what the Patriots did. You know the old saying; if you ain’t cheating you ain’t trying. Hey, I am a 49er fan, and if they weren’t doing everything they could in their power to win, legal or not, I would have to start a riot on the entrance of the
. Seriously, I have no problem with what the Patriots did. As long as Brady keeps getting me my fantasy points by chucking it up to Moss, I don’t care.
Randy Moss, it is nice to have you back in the league after you took that nice long paid vacation in
the last few years. I hear that the East bay is nice this time of the year, and I am sure you enjoyed your two years off. However, if I were a Raider fan (Thankfully, I am not. I have much more dignity than that), I would have been peeved to see him run all over the field and catching passes for those cheating Patriots. Al Davis should file a class action lawsuit on behalf of the
fan base against Mr. Moss for stealing money from the Oakland Raiders. The Guy is a thief. There, I said it. Not that I care, as long as Brady’s fantasy points keep coming. I am a forgiving man. I am all about letting bygones be bygones, as long as it helps me win in fantasy football. Are you reading this, Michael Vick? Randy Moss has proved that you can indeed take two years off and return to glory.
I am angry. I am steamed. I am multiple levels of upset. My anger has been targeted to a certain Cowboys quarterback. I don’t know if Carrie Underwood and
Tony Romo are an item, as I am not here to start gossip. I only report the truth. I kind of hope she takes her Louisville Slugger to both his headlights and slashes his tires and whatever else she has to do to him. He may not have cheated on her, but he cheated me out of being 1-0 in several leagues. Not that I am bitter or anything, but as I watched that offensive explosion on Sunday Night, I cringed and barfed at every touchdown that codknocker threw. That son of a biscuit eater should be banned from ever playing in the NFL again. All right, maybe I am a little bit bitter, but that guy has me madder than a hornet in a honey bee convention. Calm down, Lundy, it is just one week and this is a game. Okay, I am all better now. Well, at least for a bipolar psychopathic lunatic on high doses of caffeine.
Do you believe in miracles? I know, I like to goof off a lot in my articles, but I would be remissed if I didn’t take the time to give my heart and my prayers to
Kevin Everett, and his recovery. These professional football players put their bodies on the line to entertain us, and it can’t be said enough how dangerous this “sport” is. As the news broke this week, it was thought he may never be able to walk or breathe again, but then something happened. He started to voluntarily move his legs and arms. This is an amazing story, and hopefully, he will make a full and complete recovery and one day live what could be a normal life.
Now, unfortunately, is the time, to introduce to you my sign stealing partner in crime, who always works the video camera, in as many illegal ways than I can count; Reverend Checo.
I would never cheat. I am a man of honor.
You don’t have to lie to make friends. We all know you are a liar and a cheater, and you would stab your own mother in the back if it got you a fantasy championship.
I think someone needs to look in the mirror. I know all the dirty things you have done, Lundy. Remember, you tell me just about everything.
You are not supposed to tell everybody. I like to keep my reputation in tact. Besides, I am man of high integrity and morals.
No, you’re not. You are an evil madman.
Sure, I am. Why don’t you tell everyone about that wonderful dream you had of Braylon Edwards scoring two touchdowns. Thanks for that one.
Just like your wonderful Vernon Davis recommendation. I drafted him because of you and loser couldn’t even get me 5 stinking points. I lost because of you. It’s your entire fault.
It’s time for you to say good bye and get back into your cage. Preferably, before I kill you. Everybody say bye to Checo.
Let’s move on, shall we? My guest today is someone you all might know. As far as post whores go, he is the biggest loser in the shark tank. Well, besides me, of course. He hails from the mean streets of
, and he has been playing fantasy football for over three years. So, without further delay, let me introduce to you, Tyler Youngren. If that name sounds unfamiliar, you may just know him as Football Junkie.
Hello Football Junkie. That’s an interesting name. What is the story behind that?
Because, I love football. Everything from the NFL down to Pop Warner. I can’t get enough of it. It is in my soul. Ever since, I was a knee high Denver Bronco fan.
The Broncos? Who in their right mind would like the Broncos? That’s almost as bad as liking the Houston Texans.
Hey, wait a minute! I am a Texans fan.
Didn’t I send you back to your cage. This is Junkie’s interview, not yours. Junkie, I bet you have a seven foot high gold statue of John Elway in your front yard.
Doesn’t everybody? What better way to pay homage to the greatest signal caller that has ever put on a football uniform.
Are you high?
I wish! Seriously, Elway is my hero, and is the best ever.
I don’t know what you are smoking, but you need to pass some of that stuff my way. It is making you feel way too good. Everybody knows that Joe Montana, not Elway, is the greatest quarterback ever.
You only say that because you are a homer 49er fan. Elway had more yards, touchdowns, and he was better looking than Mr. Joe Blow.
How dare you question my integrity and objectivity as a journalist? I only deal with the facts. I would never let my opinion get in the way of reporting and analyzing the truth. The truth is Joe Montana is better than Elway. All I have to say to you, my Bronco cheering fan is 55-10. Do you remember Super Bowl XXIV?
Ouch! Why did you have to bring back that horrible memory?
It’s my job. I have to report the truth and bring the facts to light. It’s been proven, I am the most fair and objective journalist in the history of news.
Just like your homer 49er loving Vernon Davis recommendation.
Ouch! Why did you have to bring that up?
Because, someone has to expose you for the fraud that you are.
I am afraid that is all the time we have for you today. Thanks for joining us and ruining my day and this interview.
Ungrateful…. It is now time for the codknocker of the week.
My codknocker of the week is
Jim Hostler, offensive coordinator of the
49ers. What in the world was that? On Monday night, I had to sit through the most offensive offense ever. Would it have killed you to throw in a play action pass every now and then? You have one of the best running backs in the game, so why not use him more than 18 times. He could also set up, that’s right, play action. Oh, and how about using that man beast of a tight end in your game plan. It is making my fantasy projections look terrible, and there is only one person to blame. That’s right; my codknocker of the week, Jim Hostler.
Before, I get angry and start saying things that I am going to regret later, I am going to put an end to this week’s edition of this fine piece of journalism. Even though he was wrong, I would like to thank Junkie for spending a few minutes with us. “The Other Side” was brought to you by the letters “V” and “D” and the number “9.” In other words, don’t lose faith in
, as he will get you nine touchdowns by the end of your fantasy season. He is the perfect Buy-low candidate. If you don’t believe me, just ask Reverend Checo. That is, if I ever let him out of his cage.
If you need some advice about who to start and insert in your lineup, you can visit the following link, and Reverend Checo and I will give the best advice, bar none.
As always, if you have any hate mail, fan mail, complaints, death threats, or if you just want to drop a line telling me how awesome I am; email me at Lundylove@msn.com. I might even answer some of your deepest darkest fantasy questions as long as it is about football. If they are good enough I might even post them in an upcoming article, and share your knowledge with the world