I am working on about three hours of sleep in the last 48 hours. I have had the coffee pots going nonstop and a caffeine IV running strait to my vein. Ever since the devil threw that 50-yard pass to kill all my hopes and dreams, I have been a mess. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, and the thought of
Brett Favre indecisive television buying commercials haunt my existence. I drift off to dream and its Favre wanting to play in a Wrangler game where he throws a dart to kill any hope I had of being somebody.
Favre is the bane of my existence, and if the son of a biscuit eater would have stayed retired, my 49ers would have been 3-0. Yet, once again, that country bumpkin from
Responsible journalism would state that I should not tell you who I root for, and I should be as objective as possible. The one thing you probably know about me is I am not normal and I wear my team loyalty on my sleeves, so keep that in mind in the future. However, when I do my rankings, I do try to put them in order objectively based on who I think are the best teams at the time. I do not care about history prior to this season. I do not try to make predictions on how they will do the rest of the season. Maybe team A is better then team B by the end of the season, but I do not care. After three games team B looked a lot better then team A. That is how I come up with the rankings. I do not care if you are reining World Champs. I do not care if the four-letter network thinks you are the new darling of the nation. I only care how you have played up to this point. Some of you seem to be confused about how I rank them. I hope I have cleared that up. Even so, feel free to disagree with me though, even my own mother does.
So, here it is: the Top 10 at 11 after Week 3.
Joe Flacco is that flipping good. I got a chance to watch him on the Ticket last weekend and I was impressed. That offense is doing it with the run and because of Flacco with the pass. The defense still knocks the holy living shutyomouth out of you, and
Ray Lewis looks like a bully in a candy store the way he is taking their sweets. Until further notice, they are that daggone good.
I know it’s unfair, after killing the Tampa Bay Bucarroos, that the Giants drop from the top spot, but after seeing the Ravens play, such is life. Guess what? Life is unfair. Good things these rankings mean nothing and they can go and eventually prove it on the field. That’s the great thing about the NFL is they do prove it in between the lines. Do you hear me, college football? I know I am going to get a thousand e-mails from mad Giant fans forming a lynch mob to burn me at the stake. Wait a minute someone is at the door. Oh no, they are already here.
Drew Brees got bored with throwing 10 touchdown passes a game, so he decided to toy with the Bills like a cat does his prey. It appeared that the Bills had a chance in that game but like a cat, the Saints crushed the Bills’ hopes for survival by running the ball all over the field instead of throwing it. By the time the contest was over, the cat was fed and mouse never stood a chance. I know, I am really awful at metaphors, but we can all agree that the Saints are pretty good, and it’s not only Brees and the offense. The defense is doing a good job as well.
Peyton Manning was overrated. I used to call him the Dan Fouts of our era. I used to … well, it doesn’t matter what I used to do because I have seen the light and Manning forgives me of my sins. I honestly think he can take anybody out there and make him a fantasy star, and that includes me. Hey Peyton, I am open. The Colts are destroying teams while Manning is throwing the ball to two rookies. He has been doing this for a while now, and it’s nice to know I have come to my senses. On a related note, I was listening to him talking quarterbacking and I think I am in love. I see a restraining order in my future.
Mark Sanchez is unbelievable with the poise and leadership he is showing. That one play where he went balls to the wall to get that touchdown was a highlight-defining play that will be on his reel if he continues to play well and have a good career. By the way, where do these rookie QBs get off being good so fast? They should respect their elders and suck for a couple of years before they decide to get it and become good at what they do. It’s enough to make me cry about
My mother said if I didn’t have anything nice to say, then not to say anything at all. So, that’s all I will say about the Vikings. With that being said, Viking fans, you are so lucky. You should have lost. Am I bitter? Hell yeah, I am bitter. This should be the Niners’ spot, not yours. Well, I suppose, if I want to be fair I will say something nice. They have an awesome punter.
Who in the world is Kevin Cobb? What do you mean I am spelling it wrong? That’s how they pronounce it on television and radio. You say I am slowly losing respect as a columnist and writer. You mean, I actually had some to begin with? I don’t think it matters how I spell his name, nobody reads this anyway. Even my own mother would rather read something else.
Kevin Kolb is doing a decent job filling in for McNabb, I suppose, but I am certain they cannot wait for McNabb to get back in there, because he at least knows how to pronounce his last name.
When I put the Bengals at 11 last week, every Steeler fan in the world was telling me I was crazy and on drugs. While both of those statements are true, I was right about the Bengals, so I have two words for you Steeler fans: One and two. I can’t count but you get my point and I hope everyone has got the point I was making about the Bengals. They are still better then you think they are. If you didn’t believe last week and you don’t believe now, you will soon see the light and say the words, “Who Dey?”
Welcome to “Insert bad Horror Movie Here” Part 23! I was hoping and hoping that finally we had enough of the Sith Lords Darth Belichick and his apprentice Darth Brady. We need a strong young Jedi strong in the force to destroy the Death Star and restore order to the football galaxy. I just hope Sanchez Skywalker is up to the challenge. Until then, we all must bow down to the Emperor and his tool. Oops, I mean apprentice to the Dark Side.
Matt Ryan is another one of these snot-nosed kids that doesn’t respect their elders by thinking he is good and he doesn’t have to develop. I tell you what he needs to do, he needs to learn to throw it to
Roddy White more so my fantasy team doesn’t stink worse then they already do.
Yes, this is the worst 3-0 team in the history of this league. When did Mike Nolan become a good defensive coach? As a 49er, our defense didn’t actually get good until the week after he left. I am sorry, we all should be impressed by the lucky leprechaun victory against the Bengals, the thrashing of the greatest team ever (the Browns) and victory against the greatest organization in sports, the Oakland Raiders. I know its tough to figure out sarcasm in print, but this sarcasm should be obvious.
Other Notes and Garbage No One Except Dead Men That Vote Care About
The Cowboys can beat 0-3 teams. That is just awesome. Jerry Jones should be proud.
Aaron Rodgers, but I am still not confident enough to put them in the Top 11. Cutler is clutch and don’t you forget it.
is 0-3 and the 49ers get their pick. It should be a Top 10 pick, but the real question is, will we be able to sign him? Keep on losing Panthers. The 49ers are depending on it.
Michael Vick looks to be a mile away from being back. The Cobb guy is better.
isn’t the worst team in the league. It’s been a long time since I was able to write that. The way the players came out to celebrate that victory was one thing that was right with sports. Those fans deserve something.
I still hate Favre with a passion, and he also needs to learn how to pronounce his name.
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