Did you miss me last week? (the sound of 10,000 crickets
chirping). Well, I doubt that anyone cares, but I had a rough week. After being
captured by a bunch of bloodthirsty vampire ninja pirates, they interrogated me
using the worst torture ever. They forced me to do bad things, man. Bad things!
They forced me to watch reruns of Cleveland Browns football. They kept asking
me why Jason Witten was still a stud and Vernon Davis was not. They wanted to
know who they should pick off waivers and who they should start between Steve
Smith and Steve Smith. It was horrible! I didn’t have the answers they wanted
so they continued to torture me.
“Aren’t you a fantasy football expert?”
I told them that I wrote the Top 10 at 11, and you could
hear the groan of disappointment for miles and miles. “The Top Ten at 11! Does
anybody actually read that terrible article? It is the worst piece of garbage
on the internet. You are neither a fantasy football expert nor entertaining. We
should kill you right now, but we feel too sorry for you.”
Now, I am back to terrorize the Google machines around the
world with the greatest Top 10 ever. My 27 trained monkeys have researched,
compiled the Top 11 teams at this certain point in the season. So here it is,
the Top 10 so remarkable it goes all the way up to 11, even if some
bloodthirsty ninja vampirates do not care for it.
They are the best team in the league, period. Just when
you think they are finally going to bite the big one and lose, they score 35
points in a quarter and win by 28. It seems that when teams find a way to stop
them, they adjust and whatever their opponents’ game plan gets thrown in the
dumpster. I am also hearing talks of an undefeated season and with their
remaining weak schedule, it is a possibility.
This team would have been 6-2 if teams knew how to finish
them off. Both the 49ers and the Texans had them beat but they didn’t finish
Peyton Manning off and gave him one too many chances. One too many chances is
all Peyton needs to make you pay for taking your foot off their throats. Bob
Sanders being out is going to severely damage their defense, but they should be
used to it by now.
Enjoy it now, Viking Fans, because as someone who has seen
how Brett Favre breaks down over the course of the year, this season will not
end well. Mark my words, Favre will not lead you to the Promised Land, but
rather a playoff game of disappointment when he needs one final drive and
throws the ball in desperation in triple coverage and the wrong color jersey
Hard to believe that halfway through the season the
Bengals are 6-2 and winning their division. Harder to fathom that it is their
defense is more potent then their offense and the offense are doing just enough
to give the defense a chance to win it. What kind of crazy bizaaro world is
this? Chad Ochocinco is entertaining and if the NFL was smart, they would allow
more personality in a sport where they wear helmets. (editor note: Lundy was
sent a check in the amount of $1 to write that).
What makes Steeler fans upset more than anything is the
fact that the Bengals are ahead of them in the division. To them, it is a
national outrage on the infinite degree. But, here is your chance to get rid of
all this weekend and knock them off their pedestal. There should be revenge on
the minds of the Steelers to pay back for the Week 3 loss.
Just like the Steelers, they started slow and are now
starting to play better just when the schedule starts to go into the home
stretch. Unlike the AFC North, order has restored in the East. If they are
cheating to win, good for them. I also wonder how Matt Cassel likes starting
for the Chiefs now. With that being said, maybe I have been overrating Tom
Brady just a bit too much over the last few years. Nah!
I really hated ranking this team this high, as I am the president
of the Dallas Cowboy Hatred club. But, as much as it sends sharp pains down
my abdominal cavity, I have to give them their due. Why couldn’t the Eagles do
something right once this season so I would not have to praise the star? I
can’t believe what a difference Miles Austin has made on that offense, all of a
sudden. Dare I say miles and miles of a difference?
Could they finally be crashing back down to Earth since
their 6-0 start? Maybe Kyle Orton is human after all and not messiah of the
Broncos. Well, he sure did not look like it Monday Night against the Steelers.
Bear fans have already written their “I told you so’s” to the Bronco fans and
they better hope they get a good enough pick to get a real quarterback. That
may be just a bit over dramatic.
It looks like they are going back to basics with running
the ball and it is proving successful as Matt Ryan struggles a little bit. The
good news is they in the lead for one of the Wild Card spots (thank you, New
York Giants). The bad news is they are not going to catch the Saints. I predict
that they will win one of the Wild Card spots but it will not be easy. That is
of course, Ryan turns on the switch and the running game continues to succeed.
If this team played all their games on the road they would
be the best team in the league. I don’t understand it myself, but they seem to
play like champions on the road and Kurt Warner throws five interceptions at
home. Maybe there is something in the desert water or maybe the in ordinate
amount of old people living there, it gives them depression. One thing is for
sure, in the playoffs, they won’t have to worry about too many home games.
Here is another Jekyll and Hyde team except they will lose
at home and on the road when you think they’re putting it all together. You
just never know about this team from one week to the next. They kill the Giants
one week and then lose to the Raiders the next. I would guess the frustration
could not be tangibly measured. At least they are not the 49ers.
Other Notes from the Attempted Ninja Vampire Cover Up
What in the world happened to the New York Giants? After
being on top of the world and carrying an undefeated mark, they have lost four
straight. Looking at their schedule should shed some light on it. Beating the
likes of the Redskins and Raiders should not have been that impressive. Now
that they are playing good teams they are being exposed.
The 49ers are 0-4 since they signed Michael Crabtree.
Something to think about but I think it has to do more with Alex Smith then
Crabtree. The kid plays tight when the game is tight.
Another team that was once doing well is learning that defense
is not overrated. As good as their offense has improved, their defense has
regressed, and that is not a good sign for the once-proud defense.
The Titans are way better than their 2-6 record especially
now that players are returning from injury.
Did the Packers really just lose to the Buccaneers? You
can blame the offensive line all you want but the fact is Aaron Rodgers has a
horrible win-loss record as a starter. That would bug me as a Packers fan.
Top Five teams Of Poo
Feel free to disagree and call me every name under the
sun, just leave my mama out of it …