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Make Sure to Invite These Guys to Your Draft

It’s that time of year. Kids are getting ready to go back to school,
SportsCenter is dominated by baseball, golf and Lance Armstrong, and the last of the summer blockbusters are being released. Fantasy football season is quickly approaching, and that means it’s time to start thinking about getting your league together. As you prepare to start sending out the invites, make sure you consider the following types of people.


The Freak

– If you are reading this article, you probably fall into this category. You can try to deny it, but it’s better to embrace it. You start prepping for the draft in late April. You stay up till 1 a.m. watching Monday Night Football to make sure that your 115-58 point lead stands up against your opponent’s TE. The first thing you do when you come to work is check the internet to see if there are any hot pickups on the waiver wire. You then check the internet every 15 minutes thereafter to make sure you are caught up on the latest news. You are likely the commissioner of your league, and you go into a mini-depression after Week 16 of the regular season.


The Rookie

– This person has never played fantasy football before, yet will win in three out of every four leagues. They often draft a well-known QB like Tom Brady or Peyton Manning in the first round and then their favorite team (defense) in the second round. They never dominate the league, yet always sneak into the playoffs. Without fail, the backup RB they drafted in the 13th round becomes a fantasy stud in the playoffs. They were put on earth as punishment to “The Freaks.” We hate them, but know that for fantasy football to survive and grow “The Rookies” must exist.


The Thief

– This is the guy that is constantly trying to make his team better at the expense of unsuspecting teams. He thinks that three WRs he picked up off the waiver wire add up to a WR1. Last year he offered you Chad Pennington and Deion Branch for Drew Brees. You countered with Mason Crosby for Adrian Peterson in efforts to help him understand he’s an idiot. He’s consistent, though, and can’t take a hint. He’s like the guy at the bar that knows that if he asks enough girls out, one will eventually say “yes.” We hate this guy even more than we hate “The Rookie.”


The Loyalist –

This person cares immensely about one particular NFL team. They typically show up to the draft wearing an oversized jersey of the team they love. The jersey will have a monogram of one of the following: 1) their favorite player that retired six years ago 2) their last name 3) a pet nickname such as “Wild Child” or “# 1 Fin Fan.” They are usually horrible to watch football with if their team is losing. They will do everything they can to fill their roster with players from their favorite team. “The Loyalist” in one of my leagues last year selected Willie Freaking Parker with the No. 1 overall pick. They think of themselves as purists since they refuse to root against their own team. We like these people because they pick with their heart. We love these people when we get to watch their reaction as we draft a player they are targeting a pick or two before their turn.


The Oblivious One

– He shows up to on draft night with a fantasy football magazine in hand that he picked up on the way to the draft. During the draft, he will attempt to select at least three players that have already been taken, including players that are on his roster. He will never read a fantasy football article. “The Oblivious One” in my league is named
Carl King. I feel 100 percent confident that he will never visit a fantasy football site, so it doesn’t matter at all that I called him by name. By Week 3 he will have forgotten his username and password to the fantasy football website. For the last 10 years they have consistently added $50 to the pot, and have never seen a cent back. We love this guy.

The Wife –

This one is a rarity. In most serious leagues they are banned. They have three criteria for picking players: 1) the color of the player’s uniform 2) whether or not they think the player is cute 3) whether or not they have seen them in a Campbell’s soup commercial (Donovan McNabb) or read about them in
People Magazine (Tom Brady). We feel neutral to this person, unless they are your wife, then you love them.


When sending out invitations, make sure you get a good mix of people. It’s necessary for the health of your league. Imagine a league that consisted entirely of “Freaks.” No one would ever dominate the league, and we all would lose tons of sleep. A league of “Oblivious Ones” would all forget their passwords before the end of the season. There wouldn’t be a way to find out who won the league, and no one would know what to do with the pot. So remember that getting a good mix of people is what makes fantasy football special. Make sure you get variety of individuals for your league, except for “The Thief” … because everyone hates “The Thief.”

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