Sunday - Apr 21, 2019

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Off the Subject….Just Thinking XIV…

Don’t you hate when you join an on-line league, and no one will enter in a ranked list of players so the draft drags on for weeks and weeks and weeks…then all of a sudden it picks up like a freight train over the weekend when you are unavailable the entire time? Hi to the boyz in the Tiger Shark League.

You know, it’s funny, sometimes you write stuff not realizing that deep down you’re in a foul mood for some reason….then it gets published a month or so later and it’s just a scalding rip of any and everyone in sight. My review of the Shark Survivor draft is in that category. Must’ve been my angry and evil twin that put that together…and he was angry at something….whoa.

Why is it that the people that play the lottery scratch tickets can never find a garbage can? You pay your voluntary tax, you scratch the ticket before you even get back into your car, you lose, find the rubbish barrel instead of tossing them on the ground. I’m guessing that it’s actually a losing proposition for the state taking into account the dollars needed to pay someone to clean up after these people.

Memo to all “Best Men” out there: You are paying for at least 50% of the bachelor party. If you accept this up front, you won’t be angry when the wave of cancellations come in the week before the event.

Why are poptarts wrapped in packages of two? Sometimes it seems like one would be enough, but with the second one sitting there, you have to eat it.

If you want to have a difficult time driving home, try having a six pack of brew while at the drive in watching Spy Kids 3-D with those goofy glasses on. I didn’t realize I still had mine on until I got home. No wonder I was all over the road.

Speaking of which, hasn’t technology advanced enough so that we don’t have to wear the glasses?

How come almost every car for sale in the classifieds has only been driven on the highway? I didn’t think this was actually possible, unless perhaps the person lived in a rest stop?

I just love it when I’ve have the Mosquito Magnet on for eight weeks; all of a sudden, there are no more mosquitos. None. I only wish that there was a similar device for skunks.

I’m not sure why, but the blackjack dealer at the casino we were at a couple weekends ago in Montreal didn’t take too kindly to me calling out “All In”.

Took in an Expos game while we were up there, and it ended up there were 22,000 others that did the same (yes, twenty two thousand – nice crowd). It was Gary Carter night and I don’t know what outraged me more, the fact that he’s in the Hall of Fame and Jim Rice isn’t, or the fact that they were calling him ‘The Kid.’ As far as I know, there’s only one ‘The Kid’ and his head is frozen and cracked somewhere in Arizona.

Funny thing about the seats in their stadium, I don’t know how to fully describe it, but the short of it is, that they can be used as noisemakers. The seat is constructed of a hard plastic, and when in the ‘down’ position, rests on a single metal pole…so fans can grab the seat next to them, lift it up and bang it down on the pole to create a clapping sort of noise which echoes across the entire stadium. Just bizarre.

What a place Montreal is (warning, this thought might be partially edited to protect the innocent), I mean we went and got great seats at [text deleted] which came with the bucket of six beers. We saw this and couldn’t believe what we [text deleted] the guy had to leave because he couldn’t sit down. Later on the bartender decides that [text deleted] into the backroom and raged on and [text deleted] then we stumbled back to our hotel. Good times, good times.

Speaking of which, if Ted Williams does come back and plays baseball, will the new numbers be added to the old numbers? Or will they somehow be kept separate?

I just can’t believe where television is going. I’m flipping thru the other night and Roseanne Barr has her own reality show on network TV, and she’s cursing like a sailor. Sad that this is what people are watching.

Is it too late to join the circus that is the California race for Governor?

I didn’t think these existed, but I saw one the other day: A Goonies tee-shirt. What a classic movie that is.

Memo to Pete Rose: Just admit you bet on baseball and the ban will go away. Really, as simple as that.

Memo to Commish Selig: If you let Pete back into baseball without the above public admittance, your office is a sham.

And finally, from a reader: “I’m in the bathroom doing the #1, when a guy’s cell phone starts going off in one of the stalls. Worse, the guy actually answers it!?!! Who needs to be that connected to the outside world? And is this the most egregious bathroom etiquette violation?”

Gentle Reader, while this is certainly a violation of the unwritten bathroom code, I’m afraid that it doesn’t even crack the top three (though I will have to admit, this is a scenario that I would never think of actually happening). Let’s go over some of the rules again:

1) Thou shalt not talk
2) Thou shalt wash thy hands when finished with whatever business you went in to take care of.
3) Thou shalt not leave nasal remains on the urinal.

About Fantasy Sharks

FantasySharks.com began in 2003, disseminating fantasy football content on the web for free. It is, or has been, home to some of the most talented and best known fantasy writers on the planet. Owned and operated by Tony Holm (5 time Fantasy Sports Writer Association Hall-of-Fame nominee,) Tony started writing fantasy content in 1993 for the only three fantasy football web sites in existence at the time.