If there is one thing that I believe every fantasy football player should have, it is a personal vendetta list. The list can be comprised of players that have sunk your fantasy football team in the past, but it can also be full of players that just make you mad. Here are the guys that top my list this year:
I drafted him last year in most of my leagues because I assumed that he was poised to have a breakout year. He had finished the 2007 regular season off strong and was solid in the playoffs. The Patriots had one of the easiest run schedules in the NFL lined up. Furthermore, I figured that the Patriots would have looked to run a little more following the year they broke all the passing records. Boy was I wrong. Maroney rushed for 93 yards, injured his shoulder and then was put on the injured reserve because he lost his confidence.
Look Laurence, I’m really sorry that you don’t want to go back to work because you are afraid those big lineman are going to take your lunch money and duct tape you to the flag pole again, but you are a grown up now and you have to learn how to conquer your fears.
Kellen makes my list every year, so I started thinking about how to address my disdain for him. I came up with the plan to write him a letter. Below is my rough draft. I’m open to feedback, so let me know if you think it needs some work.
You are not a soldier.
Hey Andy Reid, I “probably” dislike you. Are you “questioning” what you can do to make me like you? I “doubt” you can do anything to change my mind.
Every single week Westbrook shows up as questionable on the injury report. Yes the fault is mainly on the Eagles head coach (Reid) but Brian’s lack of size and frailty adds fuel to the fire. How can you start a guy whose chances of playing are 50/50 every single week?
4, 3, 24, 1, 2, 26, 2 is not the code to my high school locker. These are actual fantasy point totals put up by Santana last year. It’s the same story with him every year. You start him for three weeks straight. You finally get fed up with one- and two-point stinkers and decide to bench him. The week you bench him, he goes off for 100+ yards and two touchdowns. Where the crap was that? You reinsert him back in your lineup. He follows his breakout week with one catch for 11 yards. Back to the bench he puts up 25 points and the cycle goes on and on.
Then you realize something. There is a guy in your public league with Clinton Portis, Chris Cooley, Jason Campbell and the Redskins defense on his team. His screen name is SM_89. You always thought the screen name belonged to some perverted 89-year-old sadomasochist. You begin to think that it is actually Moss himself (No. 89), who is pissed that you drafted him before he could draft himself. Sound crazy? Not as crazy as the idea of getting Santana for my team this year.
Here is a list of his accomplishments over the past couple of years:
- Publicly questions Jeff Garcia’s sexual orientation and gets kicked out of San Francisco
- Spits on DeAngello Hall in a game
- Tries to commit suicide by overdosing on Hydrocodone
- Rips Donovan McNabb and the rest of the Eagles organization … gets suspended for four games and kicked out of Philadelphia
- Writes a children’s book called “Little T Learns to Share”
- Cries because the media is picking on “his quarterback,” Tony Romo gets kicked out of Dallas
- Goes on a series of reality TV shows, upsets his supermodel teammate and is kicked out the first week
Yes, T.O. delivers when he is on the field, but he’s also a prima donna that is always at risk of blowing up and turning on his teammates or having a personal meltdown. I love and hate this guy, but the fact that I hate him means that he will remain on my list.
Creating a personal vendetta list and making sure you don’t fill your roster with players from that list will save you a season of agony. If you’ve ever played fantasy football, chances are you’ve said to yourself “I really hate this pick” seconds before calling the name of a player on your personal vendetta list. You probably immediately regretted your decision. I know each of you has a list, so let’s hear it from you all. I’d love to see posts on who makes your personal vendetta list. And if anyone has any recommendations on my letter to Kellen, let me know.