Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.
The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing is a dame’s job.”
There is no intro this week. Only my picks for this week, and you’ll be lucky to get those. Wait, I’m not trying to be argumentative, but since I have spent the last few weeks regaling you with my fabulous life from the ‘80s, I thought to make this week short and sweet. And earn you some cash, of course. I remember something my old friend Morty Feinstein told me many years ago – “There is no advice worth as much a sure bet.”
PIT -3 over MIN – BZT…these teams both stink.
BUF +3 over BALT – BZT…more stink.
CLE +4.5 over CIN – The Bengals don’t stink but I am intrigued by this home dog opportunity.
JAC +8.5 over IND – Colts defense can hold 8.5 points? BZT…unlikely.
SEA -2.5 over HOU – Would not put real money on this.
TB -2.5 over ARI – Glennon cannot be worse than Freeman. That is built-in.
CHI +3 over DET – Turnovers, turnovers, turnovers.
KC -4.5 over NYG – No turnovers vs. gobs of turnovers.
NYJ +3.5 over TEN – I will not be watching this game.
SD +2 over DAL – Should be a shootout, BZT…take the points.
OAK +3.5 over WAS – Again, shootout. Take the points.
PHI +11 over DEN – Backdoor cover opportunity but if you can get over 58, take it.
NE +2 over ATL – This will be closer than you think.
MIA +6.5 over NO – Miami will surprise.
Last week, I wrote this – The NFC East – no one should get to go to the playoffs. What a lump of mush. I was too kind. That division isn’t a lump of mush, it’s a lump of something else. I’d tell you what it’s a lump of, but Tony runs a family site. I expect the Cowboys to win, because they can at least pretend they have a professional …BZZT…defense. What I saw out of the Giants last week – garbage. Pure garbage. They looked like they didn’t want to be on the field. Maybe Eli was too goosed up about that piece of junk ‘Book of Manning’ documentary some sports network put out about him and his family… I don’t know – but I do know that it won’t be long until Giants’ fans start showing up with brown paper bags over their heads. How the mighty…BZT… have bleeping fallen.
Speaking of the Giants – good showing by the Panthers. While I blame that debacle more on the Giants than the Panthers’ prowess, I think they found their offensive rhythm there. As for their defense? I gotta see more of that against a team not led by a QB whose family scrapbook isn’t about to be broadcast by the SEC’s jock-sniffing broadcast partner, capiche?
Bus Cook, Brett Favre’s erstwhile agent, recently commented that Brett himself could play better than a “a lot” of the quarterbacks “out there today.” I thought we were done with Brett Favre. I really thought we were. Just …BZZZZT…stay away Brett. I’m sure you’re wife is still holding the sexting stuff over your head – and you need to get out of the house, but please – stay the hell away. Okay?
Uh oh, Jim Harbaugh’s Face; you’re going to be contorting yourself into a lot of crazy angry shapes this year. Your team’s falling apart, you can’t run the ball, and your QB looks to Twitter for motivation. I think you’ll be twisting that ginormous jaw of yours into all sorts of frowny positions as you yell at Jerome Boger and Ed Hochuli this year. Hey, Jim Harbaugh’s face, stay limber and be ready for some good pouting while the rest of Jim Harbaugh complains and moans about everything else that’s causing his team to lose (except the Niners themselves).
I am watching the Rams-Niners game on TV right now, and they are talking about how the Rams’ GM is frustrated and how they are still rebuilding after the Washington trade on draft day last year. Sigh…look, Sam Bradford is terrible, this isn’t that hard to see. And Jeff Fisher is a pretty mediocre head coach, which isn’t that hard to see. They should have kicked Bradford to the curb and drafted Griffin, that much is obvious. But if Washington or St. Louis is bad enough this year, they may yet be able to draft a QB next spring, thankfully. Of course, Fisher will misuse him and waste more of our time. Sorry, St. Louis, you are in long term trouble.