Wednesday - Apr 24, 2019

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Pippalicious!

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 1950s (Who do you think funded the Apollo missions… the government? It was the mob …), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for more than 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines and living the good life.

 
The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45-point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well-cultured take on the NFL. The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing … BZZT … is a dame’s job.”


People are talking about some photos which surfaced over the weekend. Normally I would deny the talk, but sometimes your passion overrides common sense.

Yes, there is a photo floating around of a
robot pictured with
Pippa Middleton,
 and that robot is me
. We spent an exhausting and exhilarating week in Saint-Tropez. We explored the beautiful town, the warm sea, and each other. We then attended
Sir Paul McCartney’s


wedding this past Sunday. Pippa, if you’re reading this, and, I know how much you love
Tony Holm’s


fantasysharks.com – I hope you’re not angry that I proclaimed our relationship. I’ll shout my love for you from the mountaintops.

I will always remember our intensely physical Sessions of Sweet. OK, I remember everything, and all memories are duplicated and stored wirelessly in a series of servers hidden in Vermont in case civilization as we know it is destroyed, and we need to rebuild civilization … but you know what I mean.


NFC Notes

Seattle went into New Jersey and defeated the Giants. As you likely know, teams crossing the country to play on the East Coast are usually horrible bets. The Giants, however, apparently played down to the level of their competition and lost a sloppy game to the Seahawks. This was after
Charlie Whitehurst


took over for
Tarvaris Jackson. Ugh! My circuits burn just processing it! Or, are the Giants just that bad? I lean more towards the Giants being pretty horrible. Yes, the Giants beat the Arizona Cardinals and the Phildelphia Eagles, but is that saying much? Nah.

Of course, I’m dismissing the Seahawks as a serious team when I say that. The Seahawks showed me something by beating the Giants, but despite the distance, they aren’t ready for prime time yet.

The San Francisco 49ers also surprised the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. That win, while at home, speaks more to me than the Seahawks win. The Buccaneers had to travel cross country, too, but I considered them a higher class of team than the Giants.

What I don’t like about the Buccaneers loss, is the trash talking and satisfaction the 49ers were evoking during and after the game.
Vernon Davis


trash talked
Ronde Barber. Some guy who apparently draws a check form the 49ers named
Delanie Walker


was feeling his oats Monday saying that 49ers fans would be chanting “Alex!” at games. I assume he means
Alex Smith, who is still the 49ers’ starting quarterback. They don’t mean
Alex Trebek

,
I suppose …? Smith had a fine game, and tore up the hapless Eagles’ defense in the second half the week before, but he’s still Alex Smith. Coach
Jim Harbaugh


needs to nip this attitude in the bud now. Actually, he doesn’t need to do anything, as the 49ers travel to Detroit this week. The 49ers should serve up a juicy defeat for the Lions to chow down on.


Speaking of Detroit, not much to say there. They have a coach with a plan, a locker room that listens and a general manager not named
Matt Millen.


AFC Notes


Last season, the San Diego Chargers famously led the league in yards for and yards against, only to start the season 2-5 and miss the playoffs with a 9-7 record. This year, they drop to fifth in yards for and sixth in yards against, yet start 4-1 even with a middling plus-11 point differential. The lesson?
Nate Kaeding is the devil.

Well, Denver, you got what you wanted.  It’s
Tim Tebow


time, and I am surprisingly on board with this decision. Prior to the season I tweeted that the Broncos should trade the holy one, seeing as his role as a third-string quarterback wasn’t really helping the team and perhaps some other quarterback-needy squad would give him a shot. But as long as the Broncos are 1-4 and headed nowhere anyway, let’s throw Tebow in there and see if he’s still got some of that Gator magic. Good use of resources.

Miami had a bye last week, which is why you didn’t see them losing again. Don’t worry, this week we pick up right where we left off back in Week 4. They are going to put a mask on some dude and run him out as “Quarterback/Player X” just to keep things interesting.

Dick Enberg
: “Well, it looks like we may never find out who Player X is!”


Dan Dierdorf
: “All I know is he’s got the perfect body … for a quarterback!”


Oakland is showing some life, a spry 3-2 after a nice little victory over Houston last week. Just be careful – that plus-3 point differential is an indicator that the season smells more 8-8 than 10-6. Still, 8-8 would mean that’s two years in a row without a losing record, the first time in almost 10 years. Rest in Peace
Al Davis, a pioneer in the game of pro football and a legit NFL genius until about 15 years ago.  Age catches up with everyone.  Well, except me.  You know, on account of my being a robot.

Indianapolis Colts, 0-5. It makes you wonder just how good
Peyton Manning


must be if they are going to go in the tank this quickly once he goes down.  Seriously, does this team even practice during the week?

How is it possible that the Buffalo Bills are 4-1? Seriously, they have no pass rush and yet lead the league in turnovers. And
Chan Gailey


is still the head coach. You know him – Captain “Safe Hire” – this will not end well.


So long for now, and remember, “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and … BZZT … gin.”

About Fantasy Sharks

FantasySharks.com began in 2003, disseminating fantasy football content on the web for free. It is, or has been, home to some of the most talented and best known fantasy writers on the planet. Owned and operated by Tony Holm (5 time Fantasy Sports Writer Association Hall-of-Fame nominee,) Tony started writing fantasy content in 1993 for the only three fantasy football web sites in existence at the time.