Friday - Feb 22, 2019

Pulling a Rashad

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 1950s (Who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob …), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for more than 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45-point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well-cultured take on the NFL. The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Tom Walls because “typingBZZT … is a dame’s job.”

Ah, Week 1 is in the bleeping books. Sixteen teams’ fans rejoiced, 15 teams’ fans hope for a turn around in Week 2. And Cleveland …? All their chips are bet on LeBron James.

Rashad Jennings wrote a column in The New York Post (apparently he’ll be writing a column every week, it should be interesting when he gets benched in Week 8 in an act of desperation by coach Tom Coughlin) apologizing to Eli Manning for throwing him under the bus. As we all know, Manning told Jennings not … BZZZT … to score during their goal line fail against the Dallas Cowboys. Jennings wanted to go on the record as saying that he didn’t want to seem like he was throwing Manning under the bus … you know, as he was throwing Manning under the bus.

RB_Rashad_Jennings_NYG_1
Here we have a photo of Rashad Jennings not scoring.

That was so nice of Jennings, but when you have to pen an ‘apology column’ after Week 1 of the season, it’s going to be a long bleeping season.

Speaking of Coughlin … he was remarkably calm during the end of that game, wasn’t he? He should have been as bright red as Karl Marx during the end of that game given the incredible time mismanagement in the last four minutes. I think it will be a very long year indeed for the New York Giants … time for a regime change.

The New England Patriots won against the Pittsburgh Steelers; yes, of course, there was another controversy during the game. Something … BZT … about radio broadcasts interfering with Steelers coaches’ headsets. I’m losing count of all the issues with this pack of shysters. The Patriots are fishier than Ethel Merman’s L’Eggs. I’m personally waiting for Roger Goodell to march out during the next Buffalo Bills/Patriots game to Vince McMahon’s theme music and declare that the Bills only get 10 players on defense. I mean, that’s what has to be going on, right? The Patriots are involved in a WWE-like storyline, bleeping right?

I want to get something straight, something I wrote above could be misconstrued … while Ethel Merman was never one … BZZZT … of my lovers, she was a good personal friend of mine. She was a beautiful soul, a fun dame with a great set of pipes. Please don’t think that I was casting aspersions on her personal hygiene; I’m just bleeping saying that she loved swimming. I don’t want to be involved in another defamation lawsuit for the love of Kennedy! Ah, look at me, apologizing after Week 1 of the season … the very definition of ‘Pulling a Rashad.’

About Bet Bot

nitially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 1950s (Who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob …), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life. The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45-point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well-cultured take on the NFL. The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Tom Walls because “typing … BZZT … is a dame’s job.”