Thursday - Oct 1, 2020

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Quality Control Starts At The Top

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing.. .BZZT… is a dame’s job”.

Before we get to the notes I wanted to discuss the concept of quality control.  My girl Svetlana, a real honey 90% of the time, was in one of those moods last week so I decided to run out to the local place for a couple drinks.  She was on me about some nonsense saying I never listen to her or something.  I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.  Point is, I had heard enough and in situations like this the order of the day is “walk away.”  
Larry Johnson
could use this advice, but I digress.  At the local bar I ordered a martini, very dry.  I should note here that I normally avoid the local place, much preferring to drive out to the Bellagio and see my man Frank at the sports book.  The local option is less than acceptable.

At the local joint I notice some 20 year old grab a bottle of sludge from the well and I’m like “Hold on, sugar.  How about you reach for some Bombay?”  Might as well have asked her to go out back and push start my taxi.  She’s giving me this look like I’m about to get some double-double frozen slush crap like you can buy off the shelf from TGI Fridays.  Whatever.  She dusted off the Bombay and spent all of one second making a half-shaked version of a martini.  All I could taste was vermouth.  Warm, uninspiring.  You have a lot to learn, young missy.  Still, I forced it down and paid, throwing on a generous $50 tip for this gal.  I hear you now complaining “Whoa, BetBot!  She doesn’t deserve that!”  But you would be wrong, it’s not her fault.

The owner of this dive is the problem.  A real cheapskate, the kind of guy who replaces his bathroom towel dispenser with those single sheet rollers that end up giving you three half sheets and a fist full of rage.  Thing is, this guy’s loaded, he used to be some shark in real estate.  A complete lowlife that would steal rent while running his places down and then pawn them off on the government in some welfare scam.  He has no idea how to treat people.  He shouldn’t be running this bar, he should hire someone with a little class and humility to manage the place – that’s how you build clientele and turn a dump into a treasure cove.  So it’s no surprise that his bartender doesn’t know how to make a drink or strike up a conversation.  She’s just some pretty face the owner can exploit.  The lesson here?  Quality control starts at the top, not with the perky blonde who is under trained, over worked, and not really qualified to properly conduct business behind the bar.

The second lesson is to ALWAYS tip your bartender well.  After her shift I took her back to Svetlana’s bungalow and worked with her on the proper technique for preparing an ice cold cocktail, and then she helped Svetlana and I make up the old fashioned way.  Yeah, that’s what I call it.  I’m not some Notre Dame Frenchy with
Tom Brady

NFC Notes
– Well, the rest of the world (and
Jerry Jones
) caught up with me on the whole
Wade Phillips
thing. Again, this firing wasn’t about this season; it was about limiting the damage from this horrible season on the players.
Jason Garrett
got the interim job. Perhaps Garrett will keep the job if the team goes better than .500 for the rest of the way…but I don’t think so. Valley Ranch needs a complete draining in the off-season, of course – it should start with Jerry Jones firing himself as GM – but he won’t. Get ready for more of the same for a few more years Cowboys’ fans.

In a related note, Tim Colishaw of the Dallas Morning News recently suggested that fans of the Cowboys

stay home to show their displeasure

with the team. Colishaw has a valid point – cash is the only external force NFL owners respect, the only tool NFL fans really have. I love when sports writers and commentators do this; tell fans to stay away from the teams they love. Now Cowboys’ fans aren’t very loyal in the first place. If their team is underperforming – they stay away, Texas Stadium seemed pretty bleeping empty to me in the early 2000s , but that was the fans’ choice.

How can you ask fans of a team to stay away? Really? People have already spent good money on these tickets. It’s easy for writers…BZT… and sports talk blowhards to spout off about boycotting a team – they get in for free; but the NFL has it’s fans by the throat. In many markets, if you choose to not renew your season tickets, there are thousands of people willing to jump in and take them from you… no – true fans won’t stay away, they have no choice but to go. The NFL is a monopoly, let’s face it – and it’s a monopoly that has an iron hold on its customers.

Thank you, Packers, for putting the Cowboys out of our misery.

The Giants beat up on another horrible team. Hey, they can only play the teams on their schedule, but I’m still not impressed.

Case in point – The Seahawks lone touchdown against the Giants featured
Charlie Whitehurst
Ben Obamanu
. Woooo…. Charlie Bleeping Whitehurst! Of course, the Giants did have to beat the Seahawks away, in their stadium; with all the pumped in crowd noise. I went to a Seahawks game a couple years ago, I loved the stadium, and the fans – but honestly – all that crowd noise was manufactured – who do they think they’re fooling (I mean besides everyone who buys into the Twelfth Man nonsense).

The Falcons beat the plucky Buccaneers, I’m not sure if that win says more about the Falcons or Tampa Bay, but the Buccaneers came very close to taking a lead late in the game. They were less than a yard short of a First and Goal very late which could have won it for them eventually…but, it didn’t happen. Again, I’m loving
Josh Freeman
now. This team will make some noise the next couple seasons.

Meanwhile –
Matt Moore
went on Injured Reserve – can this season end fast enough for the Panthers ? Hey , Charlotte,  you’ll always have NASCAR!  Rubbing’s racing and all that.

Loved the moxie of the Eagles against the Colts. They came back against a quality team, and kept
Peyton Manning
very quiet in the second half. If
Michael Vick
can stay healthy, they’ll be in the running along with the Giants, Packers and Saints for an appearance in the NFC Championship Game. Vick and
DeSean Jackson
make the most exciting QB/WR combo in the NFL, by far.

AFC Notes

Shawne Merriman
got hurt already in practice with the Bills.  Let’s see, out of shape? Check.  Constantly hurt?  Check.  Expensive?  Check.  Sounds like a plan, Buffalo.  This season should be turning around nicely any day now.

The Ravens were on TV last night against the Falcons.  Not much to say about the game except Baltimore’s defense is really quite average, something to keep in mind.  They are not death to fantasy players like we are used to.

Also, did we really need to dig up
Joe Theismann’s
career to ruin more football games?  There is nobody who has played the game in the last 30 years that was interested in the position?

The next chapter in the
Randy Moss
saga begins in Miami this weekend.  
Jeff Fisher
, I know I can count on you to use Moss as a decoy and force the ball to Chris Johnson time and again.

Also on display in Miami this weekend,
Chad Pennington
Tony Sparano
makes an odd move here, it’s not like
Chad Henne
was terrible.  The defense is a much bigger problem.  He would have known this if he just dialed up to
Bill Parcells
and checked.  “You have reached the voice mail for Bill Parcells.  I am unable to take your call right now, hopefully this is not Tony calling me for advice.  If so, sorry pal.  Everyone else can get bent at the beep.”

Tough week for the long time Parcells’ special teamer
Dave Meggett
, who received a 30 year sentence for criminal sexual misconduct.  That’s some euphemism to describe the actions of a man that forced himself on a woman to make good on $200 that she owed him.  Classy move by this former John Madden favorite.

Can we get EA Sports on the line and put together a Madden NFL alumni team made up solely of “All-Madden” players accused of sexual assault?  We’ve got Meggett, L.T., Mark Chmura, Michael Irvin, all the great ones.

Now would be a good time to mention that the Raiders are 5-4 and only 1/2 game behind KC for the AFC West lead.  Seeing as how Oakland is still pretty terrible in most facets of the game, and their head coach thinks
Bruce Gradkowski
is the answer at QB, I’m confident in saying this will not last.  That division is just as rotten as everyone expected, though.

Jason Campbell
, by the way, must really know how to annoy people.  Three straight wins, including 2 games with 500+ yards worth of offense, and the coach wants to go back to Gradkowski?  Also worth noting that he’s been about as good as
Donovan McNabb
this year, too.

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”

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