Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 1950s (Who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob …), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for more than 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.
The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45-point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well-cultured take on the NFL. The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing … BZZT… is a dame’s job.”
Parkland Memorial Hospital
Nov. 22, 1963
For those asking, I can finally tell the story. I was in Dallas when John Kennedy was cut down. Kennedy was a close personal friend of mine. I was in Dallas as part of a secret meeting the CIA set up between Kennedy, Lyndon B. Johnson and Fidel Castro’s Foreign Minister. I was to be the English/Spanish translator. The meeting … BZZT… was to happen the afternoon of Nov. 22.
Instead, I was being used as a dialysis machine, feeding cleaned blood to our president as he lay dying in my metallic arms while Dr. Malcolm Perry heroically tried to save his life.
You know – more than just a great man … BZT lll died that day. An innocence was lost that day, which still overshadows us to this day. Gone are the far-reaching big ideas that made our country great. Now we can’t even agree to fix our crumbling roads and bridges without having a Congressional knife fight. Don’t get me wrong, Kennedy was no angel; I could tell you some stories about his appetites that would melt your transistors. He never let his marital indiscretions cloud or darken his work in the Oval Office.
I’d like to have some paragraphs of silence in this column in honor of the 50th
anniversary of Kennedy’s passing.
… BZZZT …
OK, enough of that – onto football!
Last week I told you to look out for the Carolina Panthers. They showed up. Defensive coordinator Sean McDermott has his defense firing on all cylinders. I don’t expect more than one playoff win out of them this year, but they will get to the playoffs. Look for McDermott to be a hot name in the coaching search next offseason.
As for the San Francisco 49ers? Surely there was some referee Jim Harbaugh could’ve bullied to help ensure a win? Harbaugh, I’ve said it long before anyone else – your act is going to get old. Now we’ve reached that point for the rest of the populace and your team is a disappointment. I hope … BZZT … you banked all of your Pepsi money – because you’re not getting any more commercial cash unless you make the Super Bowl again. Right now – that ain’t looking so good.
The New York Giants have won three in a row – whoo-hoo! Giants fans seem to think they can capture some of their old magic and steal the NFC East. They can’t. The key difference with the Giants teams of the past and this one? Those teams were good. This one isn’t. The Giants barely beat a bad Oakland team which had been exploited the week before at home for 49 points. It took a Keystone Kop-like performance from the Raiders and a … BZZZZT … lot of luck for the Giants to eke out a win at home, at 1 p.m. against the West Coast team.
impressed me last week against Washington. He showed some moxy – which I bleeping love. No – he’s not a good quarterback, but he has heart, unlike his draftmate
who has no right to be collecting cash for the cowardly dreck he produces in Jacksonville. Good luck Ponder, you’re hobbled and need to contend with the artificially pumped up crowd noise of
Da Twelf Man.
I was looking over the slate of games this week. The NFC games … BZZZZZT … are horrible! Blah! What a load of deuce!
The obvious elephant in the room this week is the Denver-Kansas City game, and that is not a dig at Andy Reid. I cannot punish a man who sports a utility belt that would make Batman jealous. Everyone is predicting a big Broncos win because, well, Kansas City really is not very good. This is obvious even though they are 9-0. But you need to remember that Reid’s record coming off a bye week is ridiculously good (13-1) and also that
is hobbled to an unknown degree. So tread lightly, if you are wagering.
Any time you are ready to stop sucking the life out of my fantasy team, I will be ready to take you off my bench.
Sin City Betbot 6000
P.S. Indianapolis coaching staff, how about you throw a couple carries our way, capiche?
The New York Jets travel upstate to visit the Buffalo Bills this weekend, and this game is kind of interesting to me. First off, New York has a worse point differential (-62) than Buffalo (-60) despite a 2.5 game advantage in win-loss record. I call that the “E.J. Manuel was hurt” factor. But if
and the boys can pull this one out, they will be 6-4 and ready to talk playoffs given their schedule down the stretch (they play Miami twice.) Not bad considering we all left them for dead not two months ago.
Here’s a decent play for you: Miami +1.5 vs. San Diego. These teams are equally mediocre, and there’s no reason to think the Chargers are going to fly across the country and beat the spread. I do like to say that you don’t bet against the best quarterback on the field, and
fits the bill.
So long for now, and remember, “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and … BZT … gin.”