Tuesday - Apr 23, 2019

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Sharkey In The Water

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by Fantasysharks.com and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing.. .BZZT… is a dame’s job”.

Jake Sharkey,
there’s a name I haven’t heard; or thought of in a long time. Jake was a minimally talented hack of a gossip columnist. Now, that sounds bad, and if Jake cared about writing style or class, it would be an insult. But Jake didn’t care about that sort of thing, and that’s part of the reason he was so successful. Part – but the majority of the reason was that Jake had no shame. None whatsoever. No pride, and no shame.

Jake was a glommer, a hanger-on first and foremost. The man he hung onto? Ol’ Blue Eyes himself,
Mr. Frank Sinatra
. Jake would follow Frank around, purely for the chance that Frank would drop a nugget to Sharkey, and Sharkey would get an exclusive.

Frank loathed Sharkey, but he played a role. He put out news in a careful and measured manner. Frank could control the news and reports about him. Back in the 1960s and 1970s – that made sense, the news cycle was measured in days and weeks. Now, however, it’s measured in minutes. Jake and Frank could put out (let’s call it) manufactured news, and by the time anyone could challenge it – no one really cared.

Which brings me to
Michael Smith
of ESPN , and
Donovan McNabb
and the laughable news story they put out about McNabb’s new contract. 5 Years – $78 Million – $40 Million guaranteed! Of course, as savvy NFL fans, you know that the last number is what counts. Of course, within a couple hours, Smith’s own ESPN compatriots were challenging the guaranteed number… $20 Million! $10 Million! … Donovan McNabb lost more money during the Monday Night game than John DeLorean did in 1982! What we finally learned was that McNabb got only about $4 million guaranteed, less than 10% of what Smith put out for McNabb. I’m not sure what McNabb got out of putting out such bad information, since it was so quickly dis-credited… As far as what Michael Smith got? He got his mug and name  all over ESPN for another night…blech – is that worth losing some more of your dignity?

Smith was first with the story, because he has been a lackey of McNabb’s- but that he put out such horribly incorrect information has to be called out. Michael, if you want to be a real journalist when you grow up, check your sources – and have some pride in your work.


Troy Smith
is the best of a bad lot for the Niners at QB. San Fran has a true mess at that position. They would be best off resigning Troy Smith for 3-4 years, cutting Alex Smith in the off-season; and drafting another savior at QB. Sorry Niners fans,  you’re now … BZZZT…another 3 years away from knowing if you have a franchise QB (whoever it is they draft) in the fold.

The NFC West situation calls out for a review of the playoff format. Are the Niners, Rams, Sehawks or Cardinals going to be more deserving than the third NFC Wild Card team (say the Buccaneers, or maybe Vikings)? Not likely, but the divisional format is fine the way it is. Yes, it will create heartache some years, but the format works overall and adds more weight to the rivalries.

Carolina, the worst team in the NFC. They don’t play the Bills this year, do they? God in Heaven, I hope not.  I would check but I just got a dirty martini made with Bleu Cheese stuffed olives, and I need both my manipulators to hold this thing of beauty.

Brett Favre
has a hurt shoulder…? Sure, whatever. This guy’s a clown.

The Giants looked pretty soft against the Cowboys. They will be very angry going into Philadelphia next week. I don’t think they’re the class of the NFC, but they will be in the playoffs and will be competitive in every game going forward.

Mike Vick
and the Eagles put on a great show against the Redskins. No one can beat up on a bad defense like
Andy Reid.

Jay Cutler
and the Bears will make the playoffs. Whether or not Jay is on Injured Reserve by then is anyone’s call.


Shawne Merriman
hurt himself the second he stepped onto the practice field.  I’m starting to think he’s allergic to grass.  This looks like the worst waiver claim in the history of waivers.  Even his agent probably laughed when Buffalo picked him up.  Prediction: he won’t have a single sack for the Bills.

The NFC West may be the worst division in football, but the AFC West sure is fighting for the title.  What is the problem, Kansas City?  I know you aren’t a great team but you have a good defense and Denver is legitimately bad.  How does 49-29 happen?  Am I to believe the Oakland Raiders are a contender?  No.  San Diego needs to take charge of this situation, pronto.

Nice job by
Todd Haley
, by the way.  Anytime a head coach with a reputation for petulance acts like a spoiled brat, I am all for it.  It’s not bad enough that you got blown out by a team that you are clearly better than.  I have two words to describe low class neanderthals that refuse to acknowledge the other team’s effort with a post-game handshake: Tool.  Bag.

Randy Moss
, decoy.  I’d say “only in Tennessee” but New England was running a similar thing with Moss this year.  And
Tom Brady
is quite an upgrade over
Kerry Collins
Vince Young
.  Unless we are talking about drinking games, in which case you want Collins on your team.

Any way
Terrell Owens
lasts longer in the NFL than Moss?  Before this season I would have said no way, mostly because Moss is younger.  But I don’t know if Moss has the same competitive spirit as T.O.  It’s a shame T.O.’s swan song is being wasted on this year’s Bengals, pretty well buried at 2-7 and riding a 6 game losing streak.  Assuming this keeps up, does Cincy draft a QB with their top 5 pick next year?  And why does
Marvin Lewis
keep getting a pass?  At some point he’s got to build a team that can play at this level, right?

Wait, do I hear the Jacksonville Jaguars making noise?  (Checks record)  They’re 5-4, one game out of first – that’s not bad.  (Checks point differential) Minus 54?  Good gravy.  Move along, nothing to see here.

Tyler Thigpen
really made me look bad, I picked Miami as a 4-martini play and he laid a real turd against Chicago.  Not sure Miami comes back from here, and
Tony Sparano
is officially on notice.  Outside of the Wildcat season, what’s he done here?  They just don’t have enough offense, and Sparano’s failure to develop
Chad Henne
will be his downfall.

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”

About Fantasy Sharks

FantasySharks.com began in 2003, disseminating fantasy football content on the web for free. It is, or has been, home to some of the most talented and best known fantasy writers on the planet. Owned and operated by Tony Holm (5 time Fantasy Sports Writer Association Hall-of-Fame nominee,) Tony started writing fantasy content in 1993 for the only three fantasy football web sites in existence at the time.