Saturday - Jan 23, 2021

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The Anti-BetBot People

Initially built by NASA to set lines for the Las Vegas casinos in the late 50’s (who do you think funded the Apollo missions? The government? It was the mob…), The Sin City Betbot 6000 calculated lines for over 30 years. The Betbot was given various upgrades through the years, not always with the best equipment, but he was very good at setting lines, and living the good life.

The Betbot was de-commissioned in 1990 after San Francisco destroyed Denver in the Super Bowl. The 45 point spread simply fried a number of the Betbot’s wires and he retired. The Betbot was discovered by and retooled to give fantasy advice. He lives now to give his own unique, well cultured take on the NFL.The Sin City Betbot 6000 Presents is transcribed by Joe Petrizzi and Tom Walls because “typing.. .BZZT… is a dame’s job”.


A couple weeks ago I wrote about how all teams were still in the race for the playoffs, based purely on record. That is no longer true.

This is the time of year when fans in certain cities should truly despair that their teams have no hope. No hope for this year anyway.

There’s a story the media is pushing this year, which has a cute misnomer ‘Suck for Luck’. As you know the idea is that poor teams are losing, and their management isn’t all that upset, since they will be able to draft the most hyped QB to come out of college since
Peyton Manning;
Andrew Luck. In a strange, completely unfair twist, the Colts are the leaders in the clubhouse with a record of 0-6, and a very sloppy 0-6 at that.

The other teams in the derby based purely on record are:

Miami (0-5)

Denver (1-4)

 Minnesota (1-5)

 Carolina (1-5)

 St. Louis (0-5)

Minnesota, Carolina and St. Louis all have young QBs drafted recently in the first round. Would St. Louis or Minnesota actually take Luck when they already have
Sam Bradford and
Christian Ponder? I don’t know what Ponder brings to the NFL game, but if I were St. Louis, I would take Luck based on Bradford’s performance and issues with staying healthy.

If there is some karmic force in the Universe which gives a damn about sports (I’m Catholic, and believe in God – but to me, he doesn’t give an angels cold sore about the outcome of sports games) then Indianapolis doesn’t end up with Andrew Luck. Sorry Indy, you shouldn’t get Manning then Luck in succession. If Indy got Luck, it would be almost as unfair as when the San Antonio Spurs had David Robinson then drafted Tim Duncan. Coincidentally enough, the Spurs were bad for one year when Robinson was out with an injury, there are a lot of parallels here. The Spurs went from very good to great with Duncan and Robinson. At least the Colts can’t put Manning and Luck on the field at the same time.

Speaking of God – in other news, Denver is still starting
Tim Tebow this weekend. So they, uh still have got a ways to go. Honestly, I would love to see Tebow succeed as a football player just to stick it to the many pundits who are soooo sure he can’t play in the NFL. It sure seems like someone with that kind of success at the collegiate level should get a shot in the pros before we write him off. However; I have a real problem with anyone that sides with groups like “Focus on the Family.” They are anti-sex, anti-pornography, and anti-gambling. They’re probably anti-drinking although I haven’t seen that specifically in the literature. I mean, those things are what I am all about – they are the anti-BetBot people! Supporting them means you basically want me unplugged and smashed in an industrial press a la The Terminator. So bite me, Tebow. I’ll be betting against you in bed with two showgirls while I sip a martini, pretty boy.


NFC Notes

The aforementioned Christian Ponder gets a start this weekend against the Packers. I understand times are bleeping desperate in Minnesota, but is it smart for his first game to be against the Packers? Put
Donovan McNabb up against that defense, then give Ponder the…BZZT…start against the Panthers on the road. Hopefully the kid survives!

Speaking of McNabb, time to hang up the spikes Donovan. Of course he won’t retire after this season, but he should. He’s more desperate than
Dom DeLuise after the
Burt Reynolds and
Lonnie Anderson wedding. Sweet Mary,that was a sad sight. I was invited as a friend of Bruce’s and Lonnie’s former lover. Like Dom, Donovan needs to understand when he’s been left behind.

The whole
Jim Schwartz/Jim Harbaugh handshake brouhaha… I feel compelled to give my take even though it’s been beaten to death. That’s right, just like Sports Talk radio, I’m gonna pile on! There’s talk about Schwartz taking defeat like a man, and not getting upset. There’s also video of Schwartz taunting the Niners bench, and presumably Harbaugh, during the game. Look, that sort of thing happens during games. Not every game, but it happens. Certain media types are using that as justification for Harbaugh hitting/shoving Schwartz at the end of the game. And he did shove Schwartz, make no mistake.

Let me be clear, Harbaugh’s in the wrong here. You won the game, I don’t care what the point spread was, I don’t care if no one picked you, I don’t care if you won the game on the very last play, I don’t care… Be a bleeping class act. Be a class act every time you win. Slow down, shake hands and move on. Don’t be a clown, Jimmy, don’t be a clown. Be a Sinatra, don’t be a DeLuise.


AFC Notes

That was not the best game on Monday Night Football. Yeesh, what a dumpster fire. I won’t waste much time on Miami because we all knew they would rot and, frankly, that’s what you get when you can’t develop a quarterback. Hey – remember when
Brandon Marshallwas good? He will be again when he gets traded to the Patriots. You heard that here first.

But the Jets – the Jets were supposed to be good. Look, that offense is terrible – I’m sorry but the whole idea of
Shonn Greene being close to a breakout is fairly laughable. It’s not like he just got here. I’m pretty sure he is what he is – about 60 yards per game. Biggest fantasy tease since
Ron Dayne. New York is not getting the play it needs from
Mark Sanchez to make a difference, and they will remain a mediocre squad until that gets fixed.
Rex Ryan may have the same fire as his father, but it also appears he has the same inability as Buddy to even put together an average offense to complement an excellent defense. Add the Jets to the list of also-rans.

That said, New York will still probably beat the Chargers at home this weekend. San Diego is 4-1 but they got there on the backs of some real cupcakes in the first 4 games. They are only +11 in point differential and turn the ball over about twice per game. I don’t know what’s up with
Philip Rivers, but he is not playing at an elite level – 7 interceptions already? What does he have another kid or something keeping him awake at night? Get a nanny during the season, son.

Hue Jackson convinced
Mike Brown to trade
Carson Palmer to Oakland, or so I’ve been told by every NFL guru with access to Jackson and Brown. They are such close friends. Yeah, it’s either that or possibly the TWO DRAFT PICKS Oakland is giving up in the deal, potentially 2 first rounders. For a player who Cincy wasn’t using anyway and hasn’t been good in what, 4-5 years? But it was the friendship that closed the deal, I’m sure.

Not a bad idea for Oakland, though. I mean, to make a run in 2011. With the Chargers playing smoke and mirrors with their record and the rest of the NFC West apparently drunk on bad wine, make a move now to push for the playoffs. KC and Denver won’t be this bad forever, right? Right?

So long for now, and remember “Showgirls and gin my friends, showgirls and …BZT…gin.”


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