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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Preseason I

The weekly segment labeled The Diary of the Fantasy Virgin is back again.  Now, see, unlike most of the rest of the planet, in the world of Fantasy Football, you can become a Virgin again.  Or at least I should say that I can become a Fantasy Football Virgin once again.  From the beginning of the season to the end, I will bring to you all of the travails and tribulations associated with the ownership of a Fantasy Football team.  In the beginning you will learn how to draft.  During the season you will get strategy that works and strategy that doesn’t work.  I end up being your blind guide in to all that is Fantasy Football from a Virgin perspective.  All that I do is follow a noble experiment.  Let’s draft and follow the suggestions on and just see how it works out.  I have done this now for three years and every year is different but it follows the same pattern with some fun sidebars of Fantasy Football Mania.  Since it is a diary, I get to digress from the mundane world that is all Football all the time and look in to other areas for inspiration.  But like every schoolchild will tell you, in order to reacquaint yourself with your peers at the beginning of the year, you have to mention what you did during the summer break.  Summer Excitations lead to good golf vibrations.


What I Did Over The Summer – Recollections

Every year, we would start off the school year with a brief presentation on what we did over the summer.  There were the kids who went to Disney, the kids that went to California, and those who went to the beach.  I went to the same place every summer and as a pointed matter of fact only went to about two or three places in my youth.  One such place was the Boy Scout Camp in Andover, Ct. Every minute from the opening ceremonies to the final jamboree was very organized keeping everyone busy.  From nature walks with plaques that identified the flora and fauna of the region to archery class, and even making rainbow tie-dye shirts, every day was filled with adventure.  Some of the biggest adventures were identifying the mystery meat at dinner and drinking “bug” juice.  I always remember the time seeming like forever.  And much to my chagrin it was two weeks.  How could this be?  The camp counselors were only getting ready for the next round of scouts and our activities were all the same in their eyes.  I think the point is that time is lost, elongated, prorated, and downright wretchedly wicked when it comes youth.  How can two weeks seem like an eternity?  Einstein was right on when he stated time is relative.  It seems to stretch when each minute is measured and fly by when forced to take it in hours or paychecks. I always longed to know what I did the rest of the summer?  I was definitely out in June.  I most certainly went back in September.  I can account for four weeks, but what about the other six?  I guess that means I have to divulge what I did this summer.

What I Did The Summer of 2005

Where did the summer go?  I tell you where it went.  It went the way of Lance Armstrong for some and not for others.  Lance is a realization of the human spirit that is larger than words that describe the situation.  This larger than life story pervades the collective experience that has become Americana.  When you say “Lance Armstrong”, you do not get blank stares.  Almost every person I have ever said this too has responded with an acknowledgement that is palpable.  You can almost touch the fabric of the story as the intricate nature of its fiber weaves through the inner recesses of your cranium.  So mostly every year I watch the Tour De France and I did watch it before Lance was winning.  It was much harder then, ABC would recap the whole week of racing and then show a taped highlights show from the Saturday race.  And then they would show the ride into France on that Sunday and that was it.  According to Paul Sherwen, you only have to train 20,000 miles a year to complete this race, let alone win it.  And he should know he competed in it more than once.  So if you follow the Tour and you watch every day, July goes with the snap of a finger.

And I did the mandatory Disney trip and trip to the beach and I even went to California.  When I realized this, I began to wonder if I was just reliving the best stories of my peers when they would get back from the summer recess.  It just sometimes works out that way my friends, and truth becomes stranger than fiction. Oh, I do also have to throw a golf story in there.  In my golf league after work, I had a relaxing round of 34!  7 pars and 2 birdies and I have never been that low since!  Golf is weird.  Now I know why Samuel Clements lamented … “Golf is a good walk spoiled.”  But Sam, sometimes it does work out buddy.  You just have to get lucky and do it enough I guess.  Speaking of luck, it is draft time.   Are you ready?

Preparing For The Draft

The draft is coming Virgins, its time to get out those stat sheets and read over number upon number or just link into the fantasysharks recommended draft list or print out the custom cheat sheet*. The first thing you should realize is that this draft stuff will not only make you but could also break you.  But it makes and breaks everyone so it is not a big deal.  Sure winners turn into busts and previous busts have a great season of vindication.  And sometimes, if you draft too early, you draft guys that split town due to injury or just need to leave due to personal reasons.  First, find out if you have a strong QB league or a weak QB league.  A strong QB league is one where when the QB gets a TD, you get 6 points.  If you are in a weak QB league, the QB gets 3 points for a TD.  Most leagues give 3 points to the QB and I personally think it’s a rip-off however that is another article.  In a weak QB league, draft RB, RB, WR, WR, QB, K, DT, TE, RB, QB, K, DT repeating the RB through DT sequence until you are done.  In a strong QB league, take RB, QB(preferably Peyton Manning!), WR, RB, WR, K, DT, TE, QB, RB, WR, TE, DT repeating the QB through DT sequence until you are done.  Follow the custom cheat sheet and fill in the blanks.  And if you are really new to this fantasy football gig, don’t worry.  Read up on this site from all of my peers and check out the message boards.  Knowledge is power and this site cranks up enough wattage to light Vegas! 

Don’t Forget to Incorporate The Bye Week

My last bit of recommendation is to not forget to take into consideration those bye weeks.  You do not get any points when your player is taking a siesta.  So when drafting, make sure you still have a team most weeks.  Losing a whole week or two because your horses are resting in the barn may come back to haunt you at the end of the season.  Well, I will let you know how my draft worked out in September.  For some reason it is late this year. I think it’s because our league is run by the Editor-In-Chief of this site.  If my memory serves me correctly, he picked a certain R. Williams in last year’s draft.  It now all makes sense!  It is good to be back.

Master D.

* Disclaimer – Please check back regularly because this cheat sheet will be modified due to injury … or malaise with a touch of jaundice.

Tim can now be reached at and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles.

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