Wednesday - Feb 24, 2021

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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Preseason II

Here I am in my wolf den of writing and I am contemplating getting a Fantasy Sharks Women’s Tank Top  for my wife to go with the thong from last year.  My wife’s wardrobe is shaping up, isn’t it?  So what to talk about this week?  Well I have on my list of things to do…let’s see here…ahhh…think tank-top-ish thoughts and prepare for the Cromwell Demolition Draft extravaganza!  I will lead you through my Boy Scout attitude.  There’s a reason why their motto is Be Prepared!  Take for instance this website.  It helps you meet that motto with zeal.

Now That You Are Used To $3.00 Per Gallon Gasoline

In the wake of Hurricane Katrina one year ago, gas went from $2.67 to $3 per gallon in New England in like 5 hours and we were aghast.  Now, gas is over $3 per gallon and there have been like 0 hurricanes this year so far (knock on wood virgins). Something is fishy or we are all numb to the price at the pump.  I take the latter.   But this is fantasy football and I am here to help you in your league my friend so let us begin.  Begin by sending a simple note to the person running your league.  Say something like this…”The Fantasy Sharks Virgin has asked me to ask you what the scoring system is in our league.  Please point me to the place where the scoring system is or you will be considered a loser.  Thanks.”  After you register for this site (if you haven’t already), take that information and click on My Fantasy Football Home —à Edit My Scoring System.  Next enter in all the information associated with the scoring system in your league. Click the You’re Scoring System Button.  Now click on Player Projections, click on Quarterback and voila, based upon last year’s stats, the ranking of Quarterbacks come up on your screen.  Now continue through all the positions and take that information to your melon.  That is last year’s results and just like the stock market, past results do not a future make.  Next, print out the Printable Custom Cheat Sheet.  Now, and this is the brilliant part about, see what the heck the people who have been doing this for awhile do when they have to pick.  That means going to the Player Analysis page.  These three references will bring you harmony toward your selection.  This is the information highway at its very best for you.  The information is convenient, quick, and no better than that hairy-backed guy who wins your league every year.  You just didn’t have to work so hard.  But this is only setting yourself up for the very best you can do with the information you have.  Now comes the execution part.

The Execution

Be weary, fellow virgins, veterans, and others who don’t want to fit in to either category.  The draft is a mistress of folly.  Filled with good intentions, the results can leave you laughing in the streets or groaning in the aisles.  Scour the team’s websites of the top 30 players in each RB/WR/QB position.  That means 90 players and make sure they are not injured.  Pick the best TE and Defensive team after you have two or three Running Backs, two or three Wide Receivers, and one or two Quarterbacks.  Remember, if your scoring system allows 3 points for a QB touchdown, it’s a weak QB league.  If it allows 6 points for QB touchdown, it’s a strong QB league.  Most leagues are “weak” QB leagues.  Next map out a strategy of picks based upon points/player analysis/printable custom cheat sheet or some combination thereof.  Take a deep break and … GO! 

After The Fire

After your draft (by the way, my draft is September 4th), the result is your team.  Enter this team in to the following place on this website.  Go to My Fantasy Football Home –à Edit My Players and enter your players in.  Now you can take advantage of my next article.  My next article will go in to the steps needed to select the team you will play that week.  Go off and be merry, because projection tools are evil and reality is a harsh mistress.  Your team will change so much due to injury, craziness, trades, and dumb luck that your next moment in time may not resemble this moment in time.  So consider this my friends. You have a friend to shepherd you through the valley of “playas”.  All of us are alone.  We might as well reach out and get through it together.

Master D.


Tim can now be reached at and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles or advice to help out your fantasy football team.

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