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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Preseason Part I

The Virgin is back! This means I get to relive another fantasy football season as a newbie; a literal fantasy football virgin. For all of those who new to the site, welcome to the best fantasy football site on the web.

This is our eighth season, our writing skills are progressing and there are many new and charming characters that fill up this vessel offering a wide spectrum of all that is fantasy football, as far as this segment is concerned. It is a weekly experiment where I impart ZERO wisdom on my team. My team is formulaically chosen using recommendations from this site and the lineup is selected using the tools offered. ‘Tis the noblest ongoing fantasy football experiment seven years running into its eighth season.

The first year, I really was the virgin and I went through the motions and a lower first-round draft pick named Ricky Williams as he ran all over the league and got me to the point where I lost the league championship. Since then, it has been a mishmash of seasons around .500. And then, without warning, in my seventh year I cracked the code and won for the first time in our three-division 12-team format. I won the last 10 games of the season and went 13-3. The weirdest part about winning it all was how all the pieces fell into place. No more than the championship week. Let me set the scene.

There was brutal weather on the east coast and seven of my players were in a dome that week. Now that is eerie to say the least. So to win a fantasy football championship, you need the best players who play in a dome and are playing in that dome when there is a major weather event like rain, sleet or snow across the upper half of the country in Week 16 of the season. Oh … and make sure that your opponent has players all playing outdoors in the foul weather. Come on; that is just too weird.

But I do not expect this year to be any different than most years, and that would be hanging around .500. Now you may be saying “Why would I care about being .500?”

 Well, it only matters after you have lost the first three games of the season and the people in the office make you the doormat of the league. You can either pack it in

and some people do by the looks of the record at the end of the year

or you can continue to fight. We at Fantasy Sharks recommend the latter because a team can turn on a dime and the championship can be lost because Terrell Owens just has one bad day. But before all this mess, let us discuss the summer that was.

What I Did Over The Summer – Recollections

We are approaching school time in this great land of ours. Some have already started! We would start off the school year with a brief synopsis on what we did over the summer. Oh, and this is just a friendly reminder for everyone in cyberspace. There were no computers when I was doing this. There was no such thing as the internet en masse. The kind of summer fun involved for some that “Brady Bunch” trip to the great national parks. Even just a camping excursion to the

Cape was spoken with the same wide-eyed eloquence as the kid who went to Walt Disney World. Every first day of the school year until we were 12 this went on.

As is my tradition here at Fantasy Sharks and my Diary of a Fantasy Virgin article, I bring to you what my summer was all

about. I am going to add in some offseason shenanigans as well.

What I Did The Summer of 2009

Over last winter, I did a video for my wife’s Facebook page which displayed our home resplendent in the holiday spirit. This resulted in my wife’s boss seeing it on Facebook and voila! I was conscripted into shooting a video for The United Way. My lovely wife Jill wrote it, I memorized it, and it was shot in our kitchen in a little over two hours. The owner of the Web site Tony Holm gave me permission to bring it to you. If you have 41 seconds, you may just chuckle. It is at this link

here. You may have to watch it more than once. And it stars our turtle. He has never been the same since. All that fame has gone to his little turtle head. The

United Way just so happens to be the charity of the NFL, so it works on two levels here. I hope you enjoy it half as much as I enjoyed being a part of it.

Now onto the summer. Sure there was another trip to Disney. Why not? Oh. I started training for a marathon and I am on Day 54 of P90X(


). That Tony Horton is a hoot. All of this running has ruined my golf game. Statistically, I am up an average of two shots per round, but every now and then I shoot par so it isn’t all that bad.

 As you get older, I have noticed my ball striking gets better and my putter gets worse. How Tom Watson hung in there at the Open Championship (British Open) until the 18th hole on Sunday, I may never know. The story though this summer has been the weird weather in the Northeast.

In the Northeast, whilst the rest of the country sweated it out, it has been raining and cool. How cool? We did not have a 90-degree day in May, June or July. Are you kidding me? And all that means is you mow the lawn every week when it used to be a two-week endeavor. The lawn is green (yay!) but you mow it more (boooo!) And so far (knock on wood) there have been zero named tropical storms in the

Atlantic. Now that I said that, I probably jinxed it for everyone in the South. For that I apologize but it had to be mentioned. Jinx over! Tropical storm Ana formed the morning this article was posted! In order to get through an entire Atlantic Tropical season without a hurricane requires a lot of luck.

Speaking of luck, it is draft time. Are you ready?

Preparing For The Draft

The draft is coming Virgins; its time to get out those stat sheets and read over number upon number, or just link into the FantasySharks recommended draft list or print out the

custom cheat sheet. The first thing you should realize is that this draft stuff will not only make you but could also break you. But it makes and breaks everyone so it is not a big deal. Sure winners turn into busts and previous busts have a great season of vindication. And sometimes, if you draft too early, you draft guys that split town due to injury or just need to leave due to personal “issues.”

I am going to draft this year like I always do in the past. Just change it up based upon a strong QB league or a weak QB league. A strong QB league is one where when the QB gets a TD, you get six points. If you are in a weak QB league, the QB gets three points for a TD.

Most leagues give three points to the QB, and I think it’s a rip-off. In a weak QB league, draft athletically but put off the high-rated QBs until later. In a strong QB league, just look it over and if you are drafting 10th and Peyton Manning is available, go for it.

This year, in my draft, I will be going with RB, RB, WR, WR, QB, TE, QB, K, DT, TE, RB, QB, K, DT repeating the RB through DT sequence until you are done. In a strong QB league, take RB, QB(preferably Peyton Manning), RB, WR, WR, K, DT, TE, QB, RB, WR, TE, DT repeating the QB through DT sequence until you are done. Follow the custom cheat sheet and fill in the blanks. And if you are really new to this fantasy football gig, don’t worry. Read up on this site from all of my peers and check out the message boards. Knowledge is power, and this site cranks it up enough wattage to light Vegas!



This Year Forget to Incorporate The Bye Week

My last bit of recommendation is to forget to take into consideration those bye weeks. I have tried this time and time again, and for the most part it seems to equal out. I have found that for the most part it is not as important as first thought out.

 But taking into consideration and acting on it is another thing altogether. The point is that you do not get any points when your player is taking some much needed time off. But you can cobble some guys together and get by one week and lose if the team is strong enough the rest of the time.

Well, I will let you know how my draft worked out by September. For some reason it is late this year. It is good to be back friends. Welcome to fantasy football.

Master D.

Tim can now be reached at and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles.






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