Saturday - Oct 19, 2019

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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Preseason Part I

Back in the saddle again, my friends.  I was so tolerable last year they invited me back.  I also oversold my Virgin moniker so much that to my chagrin, it will stay with me the rest of my pen-to-paper days.  But who cares about that!  I get to talk football again at the greatest fantasy football site ever!  And it is not just because they let me write for them.  The fantasy football draft recommendations alone will turn Virgins into Pros overnight.  So, as I flex my gray matter preparing for another season, I have been asked to write one or two preseason articles.  For those of you new to the Fantasy Virgin, I will bring you through the highs and lows of Fantasy Football with a storytellers yarn.    Being from New England, you have to have a little bit of raconteur inside you to be a writer for  The goal of this article should be light reading that brings a smile to the reader and allows them a brief respite from all the serious fantasy football number type crunching on this site.   And yes, there is some football advise below.  But first, this article shall act as an oasis in the desert summer sun.  Speaking of summer.

Coming Back To School From Summer

I remember being a child and entering the classroom on that first day of the new school year.  The principal would come in and say to the class.  “Class here is Sister Mary Smith.  She will be your teacher this year.”  By the way, I did go to Catholic school and witnessing a parochial teaching staff was the least of my worries trust you me.  I always wondered how she introduced the teachers to the students in all 16 classes!   My brain quixotically pondered the conundrum with nimbleness and alacrity.  It was like using the same math that works out Santa Claus delivering all those toys to ALL the girls and boys in that 24-hour timeframe.  It just worked out that way.  The first day, which was unusually hot because there was no such thing as air conditioning in those days, started like this  “OK, Class” Sister Mary Smith would say, …”I would like to hear what each of you did over the Summer Vacation.”  The shocking thing is that most of these teachers were just about my age today and they just seemed so damn old back then.  So much for me telling how old a person is when your 10.  I am not getting in with the Circus folk on that one.

“What I Did Over The Summer “ Stories

I would not have much to say but it was a familiar tale.  “Ummm”, I would chokingly say. “We went to Cape Cod.”  The problem is that we only went to Cape Cod for two weeks in August and we went to Cape Cod every summer.  So, the class would moan as I talked about penny candy at Provincetown and the neat policeman who would direct traffic at the town center and climbing Pilgrim’s monument again for the 4th time in a row.  That story stayed the same at least until grade 5.  That summer, I learned to water ski and my story was a breath of fresh air.  It also was my biggest downfall as the new cute girl in our 5th grade class caught me picking my nose.  I was up to my wrist and I thought she was staring at my new Beatles haircut.  Wrong!  Well, that tragic story being said, I have to get out my own story for you.

What I Did Over The Summer – 2003

I am a very decent golfer.  I was at one time very good but it was all in my feeble brain.  But, I have taken some lessons and my game is turning around.  I have had four rounds of 38 or 39, which is not bad for a par 36.  But with that being said, the “What I did over the Summer” story for the Fantasy Virgin was my hole in one.  Yes, my friends, I had a hole-in-one (H.I.O.).

Not Your Typical Hole In One

The reason this is not your typical H.I.O. is that there were witnesses.  This actually occurred in an after work golf league and everyone on the tee saw it happen.  The green was below the tee and the ball actually spun into the hole from 115 yards out with a gap wedge.  So what I did this year Sister Mary Smith is I got a Hole-In-One. 

Preparing For This Years Draft

The draft is coming Virgins, its time to get out those stat sheets and read over number upon number or just link into the fantasysharks recommended draft list or print out the custom cheat sheet. The first thing you should realize is that this draft stuff will not only make you but could also break you.  But it makes and breaks everyone so it is not a big deal.  Sure winners turn into busts and previous busts have a great season of vindication.  Last year, I drafted two running backs first and I ended up picks 8 and 14.  We had some crazy random number generation draft that was computer driven and was not snake-based.  I got Ricky Williams and my whole successful year relied on his excellent performances.  The talk of last year’s draft was who would get Marshall Faulk.  I believe that we should not count out the Rams offense this year so please do not forget Marshall.  He could be the next Ricky Williams … again.  Another important aspect of this game has to be the passive winning nature of it.  A great team performs well because the players on your team played great that week.  There is nothing more and nothing less than you should know.  Any semblance of order is due to your love affair with 20/20 hindsight.  You will say something like… “ I was beaten because the guy I was playing had Kerry Collins and all Kerry Collins did was lead the league in yards and touchdowns by quarterbacks this week!”  Those conversations happen the other way as well.  I remember winning one week because my kicker Jason Elam had 5 field goals in a game.  It may be only 15 points for the team but in Fantasy Football, 15 points from your kicker is gravy without the lumps.

Don’t Forget to Incorporate The Bye Week

My last bit of recommendation is to not forget to take into consideration those bye weeks.  You do not get any points when your player is taking a siesta.  So when drafting, make sure you still have a team most weeks.  Losing a whole week or two because your horses are resting in the barn may come back to haunt you at the end of the season.  Well, I will let you know how the draft went in Preseason Part II.

Master D. – Redux


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