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Home / Commentary / The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Preseason Part II

The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Preseason Part II



Ahhh, yes indeed it is a new year here at Fantasy Sharks, and my second article is always about back-to-work shopping for my lovely wife, Jill, followed by the way I use the Fantasy Sharks Web site to my advantage.

You see, Jill deserves some more Fantasy Sharks Flair, so I twist me wee brain around some of the items at the Fantasy Sharks shop, like a nice

hat this year. This will have to go with that

Large Java Mug and

Fantasy Sharks Women’s Tank Top from the previous two years. As everyone knows it did all start out with the Fantasy Sharks thong oh-those-many years ago. As long as there are panty lines, the easiest solution is the thong. I would not doubt if the thong maker created the theory of panty lines just for this purpose.   So why not make it a Fantasy Sharks thong? But I digress. As usual, I have on my list of things to do here – the Cromwell Demolition draft! That is coming up on September 2nd at 7:30 PM. It is a hoot. So be like the scouts and be prepared. I will help you utilize this Web site to make your first game a walk in the park. But as usual, I have some random musings from the summer that was, virgin style.

DOC! What Do You Have For Olympic Feeeva?

The last fortnight has been a dizzying roller coaster of Michael Phelps, Usain Bolt and gymnastics. Yes, I was one of those 70 million people who watched the Olympics two Saturdays ago when Phelps won his eighth gold medal. It was historical, and it was unprecedented. This feat was followed shortly by Jamaican sprinter Bolt breaking the 100-meter world record and the 200-meter world record. Both feats had never been done before in any Olympic games. It was Chinese invasion by land and by sea. These two feats, and everything in between, gave me the Feeeva. Now I can look forward to some sleep. I can look forward to getting to some of those projects around the house. Shouldn’t I be mowing the lawn?

Another project is getting your Fantasy Football team in proper order. So shall we get on with the task at hand? The task is how to enter your team into the lineup tool at We must begin with the beginning.

In The Beginning …

Begin by sending a simple note to the person running your league. Say something like this … ”The Fantasy Sharks Virgin has asked me to ask you what the scoring system is in our league. Please point me to the place where the scoring system is or you will be considered a low-rent Fantasy Football commissioner. Thanks.” After you register for this site (if you haven’t already), take that information and follow these steps.

Go to “My Fantasy Football Home”


Edit My Scoring System. Next enter in all the information associated with the scoring system in your league. Click the “You’re Scoring System Button.” Now click on Player Projections, click on Quarterback and voila, based upon last year’s stats, the ranking of quarterbacks come up on your screen. Now continue through all the positions and take that information to your melon. That is last year’s results, and just like the stock market, past results do not a future make. Next, print out the Printable Custom Cheat Sheet. Now, and this is the brilliant part about, see what the heck the people who have been doing this for awhile do when they have to pick. That means going to the

Player Analysis page. These three references will bring you harmony toward your selection.    

The information is convenient, quick and it beats talking to that hairy-backed guy in the see-through shirt who wins your league every year. Ewwwwww! You just didn’t have to work so hard. But this is only setting yourself up for the very best you can do with the information you have. Now comes the execution part.

The Execution

Be weary, fellow virgins, veterans and others who don’t want to fit in to either category. The draft is a mistress of folly. Filled with good intentions, the results can leave you laughing in the streets or groaning in the aisles. Scour the team’s Web sites of the top 30 players in each RB/WR/QB position. That means 90 players and make sure they are not injured. Pick the best TE and Defensive team after you have three or four running backs, two or three wide receivers and one or two quarterbacks. Next map out a strategy of picks based upon points/player analysis/printable custom cheat sheet or some combination thereof. Take a deep break and … GO!

The Aftermath

The aftermath is your team. Enter this team in to the following place on this Web site. Go to “My Fantasy Football Home”


Edit My Players and enter your players in. Now you can take advantage of my next article.   My next article will go in to the steps needed to select the team you will play that week. Go off and be merry, because projection tools are evil, and reality is a long walk off a short board. Your team will change so much due to injury, craziness, trades and dumb luck that your next moment in time may not resemble this moment in time. But you have a friend to shepherd you through the valley of “playas”. All of us are alone. We might as well reach out and get through it together.

Master D.


im can now be reached at and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles or advice to help out your fantasy football team.

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