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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin – Preseason Part II

Has anyone noticed the football season starts a week later? The first game is Thursday, Sept. 10. So my second article is a week later. And yes, indeed it is a new year here at FantasySharks and my second article is always about back-to-work shopping for my lovely wife Jill followed by the way I use the Fantasy Sharks Web site to my advantage. You see, Jill deserves more FantasySharks accoutrement, so I pick out a winning item from our Web site, and this year it has to be the

Fantasy Sharks Women’s Cap Sleeve T-Shirt so I twist me wee brain around some of the items at the FantasySharks like a nice

hat this year. This will have to go with that

Large Java Mug and

Fantasy Sharks Women’s Tank Top from the previous two years. As everyone knows, it did all start out with the Fantasy Sharks

thong oh those many years ago. The thong is made in the

USA. Buy two! As usual, I have on my list of things to do here the Cromwell Demolition draft! That is coming up on Sept. 7 at 7 p.m. It is a hoot. So be like the scouts and be prepared. I will help you utilize this Web site to make your first game a walk in the park. But as usual, I have some random musings from the summer that was, virgin style.

The Summer of the “Staycation”

The staycation is a word I heard for the first time last fall. It was a radio ad where our governor stated something to the effect …”Hey the economy stinks! Instead of going to Vegas,


Florida or anywhere else, stay here in

Connecticut!” Yay! Did you hear me? Yay! Well I tried this and the first night the A/C broke in my house during the hottest week of the year. Then the fridge went on the fritz. And then I ran so much training for my marathon that I got shin splints. I couldn’t walk for two days in a home that was 88 degrees. I mean come on! This staycation stuff may be good for others but for me it was positively awful! Maybe the timing is all wrong.



For example, a staycation this week would have been fantastic. No rain. No heat. No humidity. But all staycations are not created equally, and I am sure that everyone who took a staycation enjoyed themselves immensely no doubt. So if you decided on a staycation this summer, I hope that it worked out better for you.

Now that you are back from your staycation and the kids are back at school, it is time to get your fantasy football Team in proper order. So shall we get on with the task at hand? The task is how to enter your team into the lineup tool at fantasysharks.com. We must begin with the beginning.

In The Beginning …

Begin by sending a simple note to the person running your league. Say something like this …”The FantasySharks Virgin has asked me to ask you what the scoring system is in our league. Please point me to the place where the scoring system is or you will be considered a low-rent fantasy football commissioner. Thanks.” After you register for this site (if you haven’t already), take that information and follow these steps.

Go to My Fantasy Football Home —

Edit My Scoring System. Next enter in all the information associated with the scoring system in your league. Click the ‘Your Scoring System’ button. Now click on Player Projections, click on Quarterback and voila, based upon last year’s stats, the ranking of quarterbacks come up on your screen. Now continue through all the positions and take that information to your melon. That is last year’s results, and just like the stock market, past results do not a future make. Next, print out the

Printable Custom Cheat Sheet. Now, and this is the brilliant part about fantasysharks.com, see what the heck the people who have been doing this for awhile do when they have to pick. That means going to the

Player Analysis page. These three references will bring you harmony toward your selection.



The information is convenient, quick and it beats talking to that hairy-backed guy in the see-through shirt who wins your league every year. Ewwwwww! You just didn’t have to work so hard. But this is only setting yourself up for the very best you can do with the information you have. Now comes the execution part.

The Execution

Be weary, fellow virgins, veterans and others who don’t want to fit in to either category. The draft is a mistress of folly. Filled with good intentions, the results can leave you laughing in the streets or groaning in the aisles. Scour the team’s Web sites of the top 30 players in each RB/WR/QB position. That means 90 players and make sure they are not injured. Pick the best TE and defense after you have three or four running backs, two or three wide receivers and one or two quarterbacks. Next map out a strategy of picks based upon points/player analysis/printable custom cheat sheet or some combination thereof. Take a deep break and … GO!

The Aftermath

The aftermath is your team. Enter this team in to the following place on this Web site. Go to My Fantasy Football Home

Edit My Players and enter your players in. For those returning to this area from last year, you can get a proper look at your team from last year and say goodbye. Now you can take advantage of my next article. My next article will go in to the steps needed to select the team you will play that week. Go off and be merry, because projection tools are evil and reality is a long walk off a short board. Your team will change so much due to injury, craziness, trades and dumb luck that your next moment in time may not resemble this moment in time. But you have a friend to shepherd you through the valley of “playas.” All of us are alone. We might as well reach out and get through it together. My diary article runs deep to the promise last year. Enjoy.

Dear Diary

I dedicated my first fantasy football championship last year to Steve. I stated that I would elaborate on that choice next year. And the next year is here and I get to tell you why it took so long. Steve is my good friend and brother-in-law Steve Alexander.

 It is proof that I not only got lucky once marrying my wonderful wife but twice with her brother.

I could not mention anything about him because he was still in

Iraq. He was on his second tour of duty. I could not mention anything due to my own superstition with names and the Internet. I am not the first to believe that this method of communication is open for all eyes.

Well Steve made it back safe and sound, and if you are in the ROTC program at Cornell, you are a lucky person. Steve now runs that program and will until he retires or gets his next assignment. So my dedication is to Steve Alexander. Good friend. Lucky husband of Laura. Loving father to Thomas and Patrick. And most of all 19-year veteran of the military. He is a true hero to me and you. It is for all the ones that don’t come back that when they do must we not forget what they did. Thank You, Steve, from the bottom of my heart.

Master D.

Tim can now be reached at

tdavoll@fantasysharks.com and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles or advice to help out your fantasy football team.

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