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The Diary of a Fantasy Virgin : Preseason Part II

Yes, indeed it is a new year here at FantasySharks and my second article is always about back to work shopping for my lovely wife Jill followed by the way I use the FantasySharks website to my advantage. I have decided to get a gift that every year at Christmastime states how much fantasy football means to us. So, I picked up an Ornament (Oval). Now, you can trim the tree and think about the upcoming fantasy football playoffs for the season ends for most of us around Week 16! This goes with the Fantasy Sharks Women’s Cap Sleeve T-Shirt  from last year and it is apropos if adorned on those cold
New England nights. Don’t you agree? Now just combine this with the Fantasy Sharks
from, oh those many years ago and you’ve got yourself an outfit. The thong is made in the

United States
. So buy two! As usual, I have on my list of things to do here the Cromwell Demolition draft. That is coming up on Sept. 6 at 7 p.m. It really is a hoot. So, be like the scouts and be prepared. I will help you utilize this website to make your first game a walk in the park. But as usual, I have some random musings from the summer that was, virgin style.

The Summer Of The “Spill”

This summer will be remembered for the tragedy in the Gulf. For all of those who do not remember, on April 20, an explosion and fire occurred on Transocian Ltd’s drilling rig Deepwater Horizon licensed to BP Plc. Eleven workers were killed. Deepwater means really deep because the rig was drilling into an oil vein 5,000 feet below sea level and 13,000 feet below that. On July 15, the well was stopped with a new specially designed tighter seal. And on Aug. 5, cement was pumped into the well sealing the source of the spill.

In between April 20 and July 15, every day was talk about the disaster. The oil was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. There were these clumps of dispersed oil coming ashore. This was totally unlike the thick black pools from the Exxon Valdez disaster in March, 1989. That oil was processed. This was not. Unfortunately, the comparison is apples to oranges, but it was talked about every day.

The talk every day led to outlandish claims and environmental chaos talk. Talk like it was the end of the world. The talk worked because the region had plenty of empty beachfront condos for rent and every business based on summer in the Gulf was affected. BP Plc took a pre-tax charge of $32.3 billion in response to the effort and everyone now has an opinion about the company.   

That was the summer of the spill.  

Now, it is time to get your act together. I know this may be repetitive to some fans, but it bears repeating. A reminder on how to get your act together and form your fantasy football team.

In The Beginning …

Begin by sending a simple note to the person running your league. Say something like this … “The FantasySharks Virgin has asked me to ask you what the scoring system is in our league. Please point me to the place where the scoring system is or you will be considered a low-rent fantasy football commissioner. Thanks.” After you register for this site (if you haven’t already), take that information and follow these steps.

Go to My Fantasy Football Home – Edit My Scoring System. Next, enter in all the information associated with the scoring system in your league. Now, click on Player Projections, click on Quarterback under 2010 Projections and voila, based upon last year’s stats and your league’s scoring system, the ranking of quarterbacks come up on your screen. Now, continue through all the positions and take that information to your melon. That is last year’s results and just like the stock market, past results do not a future make. Next, print out the Printable Custom Cheat Sheet. Now, and this is the brilliant part about FantasySharks, see what the heck the people who have been doing this for awhile do when they have to pick. That means going to the Player Analysis page. These three references will bring you harmony toward your selection.

The information is convenient, quick and it beats talking to that hairy-backed guy in the see-through shirt who wins your league every year. Ewwwwww! You just didn’t have to work so hard. But, this is only setting yourself up for the very best you can do with the information you have. Now comes the execution part.

The Execution

Be weary, fellow virgins, veterans and others who don’t want to fit into either category. The draft is a mistress of folly. Filled with good intentions, the results can leave you laughing in the streets or groaning in the aisles. Scour the team’s websites of the top 30 players in each skill position. That means 90 players and make sure they are not injured. Pick the best tight end and defensive team after you have three or four runningbacks, two or three wide receivers and one or two quarterbacks. Next, map out a strategy of picks based upon points, player analysis, your printable custom cheat sheet or some combination thereof. Take a deep break and … GO!

The Aftermath

The aftermath is your team. Enter this team in to the following place on this website. Go to My Fantasy Football Home –
Edit My Players
and enter your players in. For those returning to this area from last year, you can get a proper look at your team from last year and say goodbye. Now you can take advantage of my next article. My next article will go into the steps needed to select the team you will play that week. Go off and be merry, because projection tools are evil and reality is a long walk off a short board. Your team will change so much due to injury, craziness, trades and dumb luck that your next moment in time may not resemble this moment in time.   But, you have a friend to shepherd you through the valley of “playas.” All of us are alone. We might as well reach out and get through it together. My diary article talks about the happiest place on earth.

Dear Diary

There are times that I am lucky and times that I feel lucky. Today I am feeling lucky. The reason is because I survived running a marathon in January. I did not feel running again until May 13th. I probably should have tried to lose weight but that is the way it goes. Why am I feeling lucky?  Because I ran that marathon in Disney World.

I suggest wholeheartedly that you seriously think about getting to Walt Disney World in

before you run out of energy to enjoy it. Heck! I distinctly remember my parents really doing well up until about their mid-60s. So, if you are under 65, you can go, go, go! If you are 65 or above, go and enjoy but don’t go, go, go! Just go! All Disney fans know what that means and only after a visit to EPCOT (which unofficially stands for Every Person Comes Out Tired) will you understand those statements above.

In this era of unabashed negativism, there is always a last bastion of refuge. It is a place where the moat is so large that once you enter this property and clear the gate, the realities of aerospace operations melt away. True, the blackberries still whir away with text messages and everyone is interacting, but if you choose to checkout and slow down time, it is yours for the taking. And, Carl will sell you a golden. Pam will play you a tune. And your boss will be none the wiser. And, the people are the nicest you will ever meet.

And, always feel lucky if you have your health. It is something that I understand more and more the older I get. So, here is to health and Disney World. And here is to the upcoming draft. I wonder what my team will look like.

That is next week’s article.

Master D.

Tim can now be reached at
and welcomes your opinions on the Diary of a Fantasy Virgin Articles or advice to help out your fantasy football team.

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